WILD Saturday Night #1

WILD Saturday Night’s debut match featured the mugging of beanpole Randy Scrimps by angry Scotsman Jimmy Cliff, who showed off his brawling skills against his outweighed opponent. This was only a fifteen-minute match but Cliff drew the beating out as long as possible, even picking Scrimps’ shoulders off the mat when victory could have been his! This display of bullying rallied a good portion of the fans to Scrimps’ cause as they chanted “Lightning” to fire him up. It worked, and Scrimps fought back with all his might during the final minutes, forcing a draw with Cliff, who welcomed the heroics with a staunch beating.

Ladies action was next and for all of you doubting the ability of the girlies to bring the pain I introduce you to Miss Cynthia San Martino. This Latina she-tank may look like she fell off the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down but is so mean she would take a chainsaw to the entire forest for revenge! Goth princess Whisper found out first hand just how nasty San Martino is, trying to use assorted trickery to set up fancy leg submissions but finding her opponent largely immobile and easily angered. A cringe inducing ass kicking later and San Martino was the victor, barking to the audience in Spanish that she is unbeatable!

The Busch Boyz looked like they might run away with their match against David DaVinci and Rhodey Colosso in quick fashion; truly earning the moniker Tag Team Specialists, bitch! All signs pointed to a rout, that is until the Grecian Giant Colosso exploded with rage, sending the Busch Boyz scattering for cover lest they be crushed! But, like any good tag team, Raz and Duz adapted, with Raz repeatedly low blowing Colosso while Duz provided distraction of referee Gen Hirayama, enabling the brothers Busch to drag Colosso outside for a beating.

But Colosso and DaVinci are no strangers to outside brawling, having cut their teeth in the chaotic Valiant Wrestling Alliance, and took this change in locale in stride. The result was a double count-out, as these two teams with no reason to hate each other before the match fought like mortal enemies amidst the clanging of ring bell.

Universal Battle League star Jang Bae looked like he was working out some aggression against The Masked Grappler in the next bout, taking ten more minutes than he probably needed to put away his pasty patsy in convincing fashion. Bae, a Tae Kwon Do master, used a quick strike early to stain the Grappler’s mask with blood and then proceeded to give a clinic on how to destroy your opponent’s arm. Really ugly bout, mostly due to The Masked Grappler’s participation.

Juan Leche, Matt D and 50 Centavos took on MPLL’s Pedro Guterez, Hector Romero and Jay Gold in trios action next, but it was clear right from the start this was not your every day technicos vs rudos fight. In fact, Leche and Matt D snubbed their noses at the heelish tactics employed by partner 50 Centavos … that is until the three-pronged attack of EVIL brought forth by the MPLL team made them rethink their strategy! And all of this in the first ten minutes!

What followed was an absolutely amazing six-man tag, with the “technicos” fighting the good fight, led by an amazing Matt D (who has aged like an 80’s sitcom child star, think Brian Bonsall) and WILD Jr. Ace Juan Leche. 50 Centavos helped out with many a knee to the groin, setting up Leche for the win via murder backdrop.

Told he needs “seasoning”, Aleks Dodstva had a match arranged for him against a “lesser opponent” on the WILD “B” show. But the “lesser opponent” turned out to be Tomohiro Ito, who came out right from the start throwing everything he had in match number six. This strategy succeeded in confusing the Russian Dod for a good ten minutes as he absorbed an unhealthy amount of punishment while clumsily missing with wide swings of his arms.

But once he got his hands on Ito the crowd gasped with the impact of his blows, one of which sent him flying over the top rope! Somehow Ito resisted the assault, scampering back in the ring and catching Dodstva with a lariat as he followed. This stunned the brute, allowing Ito to knock him for a loop with a powerbomb and the shining wizard that won the match. Observers caught the disappointed reaction of Ronnie and Caleb Dod to this loss as they stood shaking their heads disapprovingly from the entrance way at their rumored-to-be-very-expensive hired muscle.

The main event saw Paddy Baker and Celtic Bruiser-in-training, Sit Kwok Fu, take on the returning Paradigm and Sonny Siguri in tag action. Paradigm looked like he was harboring a grudge here, wrestling intensely as he gave Baker and Fu a real run for their money! Siguri offered little to this one, getting belted around with ease, but this only served to further rile up Paradigm, whose combination of high flying and suplexes forced Baker to save his partner from certain defeat several times. No idea if the multiple pin attempts were part of a strategy to wear Baker out, but it worked, as he just couldn’t make it in time to rescue Fu after he took a nasty frog splash.

While Baker tended to a shocked Fu after the match Paradigm grabbed a mic and bitched about getting booked on the “B” show, claiming to be held under a glass ceiling for the last two years and how it was about time he was given a chance to shine. As Baker was leaving the ring he could be heard to say “Give it a rest kid, this is the main event, what more do ya want?”

Paradigm then launched into Baker, telling him to stuff it and then proceeding to run down his family, his age, his weight, his drinking problem and the Valiant Wrestling Alliance. Baker ignored all of this until Paradigm then trashed the Mid-Continental Heavyweight Championship, saying it wasn’t fit for a bottle opener, much less a wrestling title. This stopped Baker dead in his tracks but Paradigm didn’t notice, having turned around to trash the audience for not cheering for him more.

Baker marched back to the ring and tapped Paradigm on the shoulder, who just waved off the interruption as if you would to a fly. Snorting through his nose, Baker then spun the insolent brat around and blasted him with an elbow to the temple, dropping him like a sack of meat.

“My family is a bunch of ungrateful slobs, the lot of ‘em. I’m damn near sixty years old and fifty pounds overweight but I’d still outwrestle a punk like you. I don’t have a drinking problem, it makes it to my lips just fine. And the VWA is just one of dozens of promotions I’ve worked in over the years, there’s no loyalty there …”

“But the Mid-Continental Heavyweight Championship is older than your daddy, boy and deserves your respect. You remember that the next time you start whining about your place, or I’ll make sure you’ll be taking a piss sitting down for the rest of your worthless life!”

1) Jimmy Cliff ~15:00 Time-Up!~ Randy Scrimps

2) Cynthia San Martino ~9:34 Vader Hammers~ Whisper

3) The Busch Boyz [Raz Busch/ Duz Busch] ~17:36 Double Count-Out! ~ David DaVinci/ Rhodey Colosso

4) Jang Bae ~14:11 Victor Arm Cross~ The Masked Grappler

5) Juan Leche O/ Matt D/ 50 Centavos ~26:15 Murder Backdrop~ Pedro Guterez/ Hector Romero X/ Jay Gold

6) Tomohiro Ito ~15:06 Shining Wizard~ Aleks Dodstva

7) Paradigm O/ Sonny Siguri ~18:37 Frog Splash~ Paddy Baker/ Sit Kwok Fu X