11.25.07 -- WILD TV
Welcome to WILD TV, this week we have a huge card (as always), and we kick things off with a WILD (oh, how funny) brawl between Bobo Gomez and HOCK. It wasn't long before HOCK was rummaging around for weapons, and the ring is filled with a trash can and a chair, but Bobo is doing his best to avoid these as they are tossed into the ring. Bobo is able to neutralize HOCK with some big fists and suplexes, only for HOCK to keep coming, as he seemingly has no sense. He is busted wide open as he nails a big DDT on Bobo and stumbles to his feet, the chair in hand. He winds up as Bobo ducks under it, HOCK's chair bouncing off the ropes and nailing him in the head as he turns right into the MUSO from Bobo for the 1,2,3.
Next up we follow up on the huge announcement that WILD will be bringing back the vacated Junior Heavyweight Championship in the form of an 8-man Tournament, which will be started on WILD Saturday Night this week! This was a crazy 8-man battle royale, where eliminations were over-the-top rope only. Hando was out first when he went for a Shining Bullfrog on Leche in the corner, Leche ducking and Hando spilling to the floor, looking upset with himself. Paradigm was next, taken out by MIRYOKO, who was then swiftly uppercutted over the top by Kyle Walker. Kyle's elimination was a sketchy one, as Hollywood was attempting to GOOSE Kyle, who freaked out and ran himself out of the match to escape Billy's grasp. Leche hits a Leche Fall on Hollywood as shaDow goes up top, looking for the 'Suicide' Bomb, but Leche sees this and dropkicks him to the floor! This leaves two now, as Leche goes to pick up Hollywood, only for Billy to lunge up with his mouth and, err, clamp onto Leche. Juan is trying to bat him off, as Billy lets go, stalking his prey. Billy going for a spear and Juan jumps out of the way, Billy ramming himself head first into the turnbuckle. Leche with a dropkick to the back of the head trying to send Billy over, but he won't, Juan trying to push him over, but Billy has his hand on Leche's tights, and he is trying to pull them down! Leche lets go, trying to keep his trunks up, which lets Billy secure himself to his feet and come upon Leche from behind, thrusting his crotch at him, startling him and sending him flying over the top. Your winner -- Billy Hollywood!
We cut to YUSUKE who is backstage now, as Druid is in his good slacks asking him what he thinks about Spunk's actions last week. YUSUKE is quiet, then explains that he believes that this is all a mistake. Taking the Modified FF was embarrassing and painful, but he still believes that there is something wrong, and that Spunk has a plan, that this can't be real.
Dan Sommers took on Sit next, the former TV Champ against his toughest challenge (other than surviving an exploding vehicle), the International Heavyweight Champion, Dan Sommers. He took it to Sommers, but Sommers was able to overcome him with his steely fists and the Alabama Nightmare. That was all that she wrote, as Sommers used a one foot cover. After the match, Sommers calls out Shady, saying that attacking him and Seamus last week will be the last mistake he has a chance to make.
Now comes the big one, the tag team championship. These two teams have been tooth and nail for the past few months, with LRI being the dominant force, but showing cracks in the foundation, having to use dirty tactics to beat the Bruisers. Last week Paddy Baker got some uncharacteristic revenge, using a barbed wire bat to bust Stuart wide open, and plastering his head to a chair with the inverted piledriver. So now it leads to this, a 2/3 falls match, where anything can happen, anybody can win. LRI were up to their old tricks, and Sean was still bandaged up from the fireball that got tossed at his face. Stuart, for what its worth, looks pretty worn out himself from Baker's brutal beating of him last week. It was just what you'd expect from both teams, the Bruisers fighting their hearts out and LRI taking shortcuts but still looking strong. The first fall came out of nowhere when VD had the ref distracted and Stuart has a chair (surprise, surprise), swinging wildly at Sean, only for Sean to perfectly time his fist to connect with the chair and Stuart's face, in a shot that could have knocked Stuart clean out! He makes the pin, 1...2...3! The first fall goes to the Celtic Bruisers!
Stuart is still on dream street, as VD drags him back to the corner and slaps him around a bit, before tagging himself in and leaving Stuart on the apron. The odds are stacked against LRI now, as Stuart is out of it, and both of the Bruisers look like they are just getting ready! VD is a fighting champion on fire, as the TV Champ puts his all into this fall, taking on both men and holding his own! VD off the ropes and Paddy catches him, holding him for Sean to lariat him, only for VD to duck out of the way, Sean nailing his own partner! Sean looks on in disbelief, only to get clotheslined over the top by VD. VD heading to the top now.. No way, what is he going to do? Tope con giro onto both of the Bruisers by VD! It looks like he caught most of that on Paddy, whose head hit the railing and there is blood everywhere. Medics rush down to the ring to check him out as VD rolls Sean back in. Sean, irate at his partner's injury is a house on fire as he explodes on VD, with rights and lefts, leaving VD into his corner. The ref is outside, checking on Paddy as VD is begging off in his corner, begging Sean, fists ready to please show him some mercy.. Sean looks around to the crowd who is urging him to knock that bastard out! Sean moves in and VD ducks down, only for Stuart to muster up enough strength to pull himself up and reveal his lighter -- FIREBALL! FIREBALL ON SEAN! I DON'T KNOW IF HE GOT IT AS BAD AS LAST TIME, BUT HE GOT IT! Stuart slumps back over as he is pushing VD, telling him to make the cover.. VD crawls over and drapes himself ontop of Sean... The ref sees this and slides back in... 1.....2......3! LRI picks up the second fall! Stuart is still hurt, it looks like, and both of the Bruisers are in rough shape. This match could easily be all in the hands of VD Dod now! VD picks up Sean and is calling for the finish, he launches himself off of the ropes and nails the STO Bomber! He covers.. 1....2...2.99! Sean kicks out, just barely! It seems like wearing those bandages saved him from a brunt of that fireball, but he still looks out of it. VD now picking the limp Sean up and levels him with a DDT! He could have the win here, but he isn't going for it.. He picks Gabriel up by the hair again, and is calling for another one.. AND DRIVES HIM DOWN HARD! He isn't just looking to win, he is looking to destroy Sean Gabriel here tonight! Paddy Baker has pushed the medical staff off of him, a bandage of his own hanging off of his head, the crew now finished taping him up as he storms back into the ring as VD is going for a third, and what could have been fatal DDT on his partner. Paddy from behind with a huge headbutt, then locks VD into the Fuyuki Stretch! He isn't the legal man but who really cares, he is stretching the life out of VD! Stuart is mustering himself up to his feet, and with all of his power launches himself off of the ropes and nails Paddy in the back of the head with the Burning Lariat!! Paddy lets go of VD, as VD staggers from Baker's grip, and right into Gabriel's! Sean rolls him up with the cradle!! 1!!! 2!!! 3!!!! THE BRUISERS HAVE DONE IT! WE HAVE NEWWWWWWW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS!
The ref presents the titles to an awestruck Sean Gabriel and the groggy Paddy Baker, as LRI look on in disgust, VD attending to Stuart, trying to explain what happened and why the Celtic Bruisers are walking off with their belts. The fans are standing and applauding as Baker and Gabriel strap the belts on and raise their hands, as tag team wrestling in WILD has reached a new era -- the era of the Celtic Bruisers.
Now we move onto our main event for the evening, a match with lots of emotions involved in it. Just last week Spunk turned on everybody and joined forces with Tommy Fiero and Brian Lee, two of his mortal enemies, and attacked his former proteges in YUSUKE and Shogo Otsuka. YUSUKE demanded he be allowed into this tag tonight, so he could prove a point, and the ever-arrogant new trio had no qualms with this, letting it be known that they could defeat 12 men if they had to in one night. Dante Black looks both angry and hurt from last week, as his big chance at a title shot was taken from him when Fiero and Lee attacked him at a public warm-up session held for the media and fans, leaving him a mess for Jack Dod to pick at and destroy. This match went all over the ringside area, with the ring unable to contain all 7 men. The heel trio did everything in their power to not play fair, evening the playing field in their favor. Lee evened up the odds in the match when he mugged Dante Black using the LSD on the concrete floor, leaving the already injured Dante Black laid out on the floor. A medical crew had to gurney him out and rush him to the nearest hospital.
It was a straight 6-man tag from here, with the focus being on working over YUSUKE, as JB and Shady look on, frustrated, both by YUSUKE's spirit and pride, making him keep going instead of tagging, and for the absolute beating he is suffering at the hands of these three wolves. Finally when the tag is made to Blackhart he comes in and cleans house, JB igniting the crowd, only to get mugged from behind with a low blow from Fiero, sending him to his knees, and forcing him to quickly tag out to Shady. It was back to a group mugging mentality, with Shady having to make a few heroic comebacks only to get stuffed. YUSUKE tags himself in when Spunk is the legal man, in what proved to be a foolish decision, as Spunk is just slapping around YUSUKE, YUSUKE getting right up in Spunk's face and slapping him back, forcing Spunk to go into meltdown mode and just annihilate him with kicks, before finishing up the flurry with a big kick to the face. Fiero and Lee rush in and knock JB and Shady off the apron as Spunk holds the limp YUSUKE up by his hair, Fiero sailing towards him and nailing the Whammy Bar on YUSUKE! They all pick him up again and hand him off to Lee who drives him down with the LSD. YUSUKE is completely out of it now, as Shady and JB try to slide back in to make the save, only for Fiero and Lee to engage them, leaving YUSUKE at Spunk's sadistic hands. Spunk licks his lips as YUSUKE tries to fight to his feet, but cannot make it. He makes it up to all fours and Spunk rushes him, booting him in the face before rolling him over and placing one knee on his chest and outstretching his arms as the ref forces himself to count to 3. This one is over and there are bodies EVERYWHERE.
We have another medical team out here, as well as Shogo Otsuka attending to YUSUKE whom is not moving, as the trio stands over and ceelbrates before heading to the back, leaving Shady and JB to check on their fallen partner and curse.
1. Bobo Gomez (12:10 - MUSO) HOCK
2. WILD Junior Scramble: Billy Hollywood (14:30 - Ring Out) Juan Leche vs MIRYOKO vs Paradigm vs shaDow vs Hando vs Kyle Walker
3. Dan Sommers (11:34 - Alabama Nightmare) Sit
4. Pro-Wrestling WILD Tag Team Championship 2/3 Falls: The Celtic Bruisers (Sean Gabriel(O)/Paddy Baker) (34:11 - Small Package) LRI (C) (Stuart/VD(X))
5. Spunk(O)/Tommy Fiero/Brian Lee (23:09 - SFK) Jason Blackhart/Shady/Dante Black/YUSUKE(X)
11.25.2007
11.18.2007
11.18 WILD TV
11.18 WILD TV
We kick things off in pure WILD fashion as Jason Blackhart comes down to ringisde, and JB looks mad. As he should be, its been week after week now where JB has been at the mercy of the Dods. Last time we saw him he was put into a mismatch against Ronnnie and Caleb, then Jack dod actually cost him the match, then laid him out for however many weeks in a row with the Dodsmack. One has to believe that is why JB is out here, and it is as he is calling Seamus McFadden out here, and here comes Seamus. JB is demanding that tonight he gets his match with Jack Dod and finishes this once-and-for-all. Seamus cannot oblige, he says that Jack Dod is busy tonight with Dante Black, and that if JB doesn't watch out he might never get his shot. Well, as you can imagine this didn't sit so well with Blackhart, neither did the cheap shot Seamus took at him when JB was staring him down. JB with a quick boot to the gut and Seamus is begging off now, but JB has a look of FIRE in his eyes! STUNNER! STUNNER ON SEAMUS! JB isn't done, big uppercut on Seamus and he goes down -- MOOSE STRAGULATION~!!!! SEAMUS IS FLAPPING AROUND LIKE A FISH OUT OF WATER! Finally they've pried JB's vice-like grip off of Seamus and accompanied him to the back.
That was intense, and now we move on to the first match of the evening, as Sit takes on Fat Lip. It was a back and forth match, but the cast was simply too much for Sit, as he goes down to a CAST SHOT and the Blackslide from Fat Lip. From there its on to the next match, as Shady faces off with the eccentric Billy Hollywood. This match was everything that you'd expect from the two, with Hollywood molesting Shady, but this just pissed Shady off. Shady fought back hard and the ShaDy-D-T was enough to put Hollywood away.
Now we go backstage and Seamus is LIVID. Seamus is backstage with Dan Sommers and HOCK, them trying to calm Seamus down as he is cursing the name of Blackhart and threatening to suspend him. Sommers seems to think that its a bad idea, and that he could crush him, as does HOCK. This gives Seamus an idea, as he proposes that tonight Sommers will get his shot at Jason Blackhart, and that he wants Jason Blackhart's BLOOD. If its not Sommers, it'll be somebody else, but he wants BLOOD -- so he proposes a $50,000 reward for taking Blackhart out!
Now we cut up to Dante Black warming up for his big match tonight, one of the bigger in his career and many believe that tonight could be his night to be on top again! He is training backstage in the training ring we have set up with some very lucky fans who won our PW-WILD.COM contest to get to hang out with Dante Black and HOLY SHIT! Its Brian Lee! Dante doesn't want to risk injury tonight and slides out of the ring, heading towards the locker room and FIERO FROM BEHIND! WHAMMY BAR! WHAMMY BAR! And Fiero isn't done, he locks in the Lock of Rock and he will not let go, this might be very bad for Dante, it looks like he is OUT of it! Finally we get some help back here, but it looks like Dante is hurt and hurt BAD.
Now Fiero and Lee are heading out here next for their match against YUSUKE and Shogo, two of Spunk's closest friends. Haddes catches up to YUSUKE and Shogo pre-match and asks them what exactly is going on with Spunk, and they both say that they don't know, as nobody has spoken to him in the past few weeks, that he has locked himself up and turned his phone off. But they both agree that when he is ready to talk he'll talk, and that they both have the upmost faith in him that he was just frustrated and will make ammends.
The match is underway now, and VIO fought their hearts out, but TOMMY LEE were just too much to overcome. Lee working over the legs of Shogo, but taking a bit of damage to his arms by Shogo as well. The finish comes when Fiero nails the Whammy Bar on YUSUKE to take him out of the picture, then nails it on Shogo, then locks in the Lock of Rock, Shogo refusing to tap out and eventually passing out in it! After the ref is able to pry him off of the fallen Shogo, Fiero sends him crashing off the ropes and BAM -- tosses him up into the air and catches him with the Whammy Bar! WAIT! ITS SPUNK! SPUNK HEADING DOWN TO RINGSIDE! TOMMY LEE backing off and -- wait a minute! Saikyo Face Kick on Shogo! YUSUKE is looking on and doesn't know what to make of this, there is a look of absolute disbelief in his eyes as he is mouthing 'why' at Spunk, and Spunk doesn't care, as he picks him and and just dumps him right onto his fucking head with what we can only explain as a modified FF!
Spunk shakes hands with Fiero and Lee and heads to the back, after spitting on his fallen former-comrades and the crowd is just livid here -- Spunk has sold everybody out!
We move onto our next match now, but not before checking in with the medical crew attending to what looks like the front lines of a warzone, as YUSUKE and Shogo are being attended to as well as Dante Black, the doctor is telling him that it would be in his best interest to NOT compete tonight and Dante is having none of that, he is fighting the doctors off, and has ripped the neck brace they had him in off, he looks like he is here to fight and won't listen to reason.
Now we move on to the JASON BLACKHART BOUNTY MATCH. This one was a lot closer than anybody would imagine, as Dan Sommers made a name for himself here tonight, taking it right to Blackhart and never getting intimidated by JB, the legend. JB with fists of fire, headbutts of fire and, well, everything OF FIRE. The Stunner wasn't enough to put Sommers away, and eventually it came down to a test of wills, when JB uses the big uppercut again right into the MOOSE STRANGULATION~! Sommers won't tap, he won't tap and the ref has called for the bell, he has called this match as he doesn't want to see Sommers ruin his career by refusing to tap out! Sommers looks livid, but rather out of it.. He finally regains his composure and JB is playing for the crowd, he turns around -- DEAR FUCKING GOD ITS THE ALABAMA NIGHTMARE! GOOD LORD I THINK HE GOT ALL OF IT, JB IS OUT!! Here comes Seamus, and he is demanding Druid counts Blackhart down after he is through with him.. We now have Sommers standing back and letting Seamus have his way with him... This is sick, JB kicks out, but is this even a match? Sommers helping out, and its 2-on-1 against a hurt Blackhart... WAIT! IS THAT!? ITS SHADY! SHADY HELPING JB OUT! SHADY-D-T ON SOMMERS! He drops a legdrop on Seamus and helps JB to the back, Shady and JB, this is nuts!
Now we move onto a match that is all about vengeance, and about a hope for the future.. Last time we saw Stuart Robinson was when he threw a fireball at the face of Sean Gabriel, and last time we saw Sean, he was getting medical attention and Baker swore he'd get his revenge and get them a rematch for the belts! The match that we saw was just brutal, as Baker, while not exactly the most comfortable with weapons grabbed a barbed wire bat from Stuart and was swinging wildly at him. Until BAM, he finally nails Stuart a few times, busting him wide open! From there it was a matter of both men trying to survive. The finish came when Baker gave Stuart the Inverted Piledriver onto a fucking PILE OF CHAIRS! Absolute brutality.
Now we move onto the main event, as Dante Black is slinking his way to the ring, looking completely out of it, compared to Jack Dod, sporting Jake Dod's VEST and the title as he makes his way to the ring. It was all-out wild at the start, but when it spills to the outside it was not good for Dante, as Dod nails a huge piledriver on the outside! Dante made a few spirited comebacks after that, but after the attacks he has suffered, there was just no way, as when the Dodsmack happens, the curtain falls. 1...2...3, then Jack Dod hits it AGAIN and locks in the Four Figure Leg Lock! He is looking to make sure Dante Black knows who beat him. Finally the ref pulls him off and he heads to the back as the fans applaud Dante as he tries to pull himself up... Wait.. WAit.. NO.. NOT..NOW.. Spunk, Fiero and Lee up on the ramp, and it looks like they are heading down to the ring, and here comes some refs trying to stop them, and its all out mayhem! Big double powerbomb on Dante! Dante trying to fight back AND HE EATS A SFK!! But that isn't enough, Spunk picks him up and just drives him down with that modified FF again! This is just.. Spunk hasn't just turned his back on everything, he has joined the darkside and is teaming with two of the sickest men in WILD history, as all 3 are laughing and circling around Dante as the refs have finally formed a barrier over him, protecting him.
We kick things off in pure WILD fashion as Jason Blackhart comes down to ringisde, and JB looks mad. As he should be, its been week after week now where JB has been at the mercy of the Dods. Last time we saw him he was put into a mismatch against Ronnnie and Caleb, then Jack dod actually cost him the match, then laid him out for however many weeks in a row with the Dodsmack. One has to believe that is why JB is out here, and it is as he is calling Seamus McFadden out here, and here comes Seamus. JB is demanding that tonight he gets his match with Jack Dod and finishes this once-and-for-all. Seamus cannot oblige, he says that Jack Dod is busy tonight with Dante Black, and that if JB doesn't watch out he might never get his shot. Well, as you can imagine this didn't sit so well with Blackhart, neither did the cheap shot Seamus took at him when JB was staring him down. JB with a quick boot to the gut and Seamus is begging off now, but JB has a look of FIRE in his eyes! STUNNER! STUNNER ON SEAMUS! JB isn't done, big uppercut on Seamus and he goes down -- MOOSE STRAGULATION~!!!! SEAMUS IS FLAPPING AROUND LIKE A FISH OUT OF WATER! Finally they've pried JB's vice-like grip off of Seamus and accompanied him to the back.
That was intense, and now we move on to the first match of the evening, as Sit takes on Fat Lip. It was a back and forth match, but the cast was simply too much for Sit, as he goes down to a CAST SHOT and the Blackslide from Fat Lip. From there its on to the next match, as Shady faces off with the eccentric Billy Hollywood. This match was everything that you'd expect from the two, with Hollywood molesting Shady, but this just pissed Shady off. Shady fought back hard and the ShaDy-D-T was enough to put Hollywood away.
Now we go backstage and Seamus is LIVID. Seamus is backstage with Dan Sommers and HOCK, them trying to calm Seamus down as he is cursing the name of Blackhart and threatening to suspend him. Sommers seems to think that its a bad idea, and that he could crush him, as does HOCK. This gives Seamus an idea, as he proposes that tonight Sommers will get his shot at Jason Blackhart, and that he wants Jason Blackhart's BLOOD. If its not Sommers, it'll be somebody else, but he wants BLOOD -- so he proposes a $50,000 reward for taking Blackhart out!
Now we cut up to Dante Black warming up for his big match tonight, one of the bigger in his career and many believe that tonight could be his night to be on top again! He is training backstage in the training ring we have set up with some very lucky fans who won our PW-WILD.COM contest to get to hang out with Dante Black and HOLY SHIT! Its Brian Lee! Dante doesn't want to risk injury tonight and slides out of the ring, heading towards the locker room and FIERO FROM BEHIND! WHAMMY BAR! WHAMMY BAR! And Fiero isn't done, he locks in the Lock of Rock and he will not let go, this might be very bad for Dante, it looks like he is OUT of it! Finally we get some help back here, but it looks like Dante is hurt and hurt BAD.
Now Fiero and Lee are heading out here next for their match against YUSUKE and Shogo, two of Spunk's closest friends. Haddes catches up to YUSUKE and Shogo pre-match and asks them what exactly is going on with Spunk, and they both say that they don't know, as nobody has spoken to him in the past few weeks, that he has locked himself up and turned his phone off. But they both agree that when he is ready to talk he'll talk, and that they both have the upmost faith in him that he was just frustrated and will make ammends.
The match is underway now, and VIO fought their hearts out, but TOMMY LEE were just too much to overcome. Lee working over the legs of Shogo, but taking a bit of damage to his arms by Shogo as well. The finish comes when Fiero nails the Whammy Bar on YUSUKE to take him out of the picture, then nails it on Shogo, then locks in the Lock of Rock, Shogo refusing to tap out and eventually passing out in it! After the ref is able to pry him off of the fallen Shogo, Fiero sends him crashing off the ropes and BAM -- tosses him up into the air and catches him with the Whammy Bar! WAIT! ITS SPUNK! SPUNK HEADING DOWN TO RINGSIDE! TOMMY LEE backing off and -- wait a minute! Saikyo Face Kick on Shogo! YUSUKE is looking on and doesn't know what to make of this, there is a look of absolute disbelief in his eyes as he is mouthing 'why' at Spunk, and Spunk doesn't care, as he picks him and and just dumps him right onto his fucking head with what we can only explain as a modified FF!
Spunk shakes hands with Fiero and Lee and heads to the back, after spitting on his fallen former-comrades and the crowd is just livid here -- Spunk has sold everybody out!
We move onto our next match now, but not before checking in with the medical crew attending to what looks like the front lines of a warzone, as YUSUKE and Shogo are being attended to as well as Dante Black, the doctor is telling him that it would be in his best interest to NOT compete tonight and Dante is having none of that, he is fighting the doctors off, and has ripped the neck brace they had him in off, he looks like he is here to fight and won't listen to reason.
Now we move on to the JASON BLACKHART BOUNTY MATCH. This one was a lot closer than anybody would imagine, as Dan Sommers made a name for himself here tonight, taking it right to Blackhart and never getting intimidated by JB, the legend. JB with fists of fire, headbutts of fire and, well, everything OF FIRE. The Stunner wasn't enough to put Sommers away, and eventually it came down to a test of wills, when JB uses the big uppercut again right into the MOOSE STRANGULATION~! Sommers won't tap, he won't tap and the ref has called for the bell, he has called this match as he doesn't want to see Sommers ruin his career by refusing to tap out! Sommers looks livid, but rather out of it.. He finally regains his composure and JB is playing for the crowd, he turns around -- DEAR FUCKING GOD ITS THE ALABAMA NIGHTMARE! GOOD LORD I THINK HE GOT ALL OF IT, JB IS OUT!! Here comes Seamus, and he is demanding Druid counts Blackhart down after he is through with him.. We now have Sommers standing back and letting Seamus have his way with him... This is sick, JB kicks out, but is this even a match? Sommers helping out, and its 2-on-1 against a hurt Blackhart... WAIT! IS THAT!? ITS SHADY! SHADY HELPING JB OUT! SHADY-D-T ON SOMMERS! He drops a legdrop on Seamus and helps JB to the back, Shady and JB, this is nuts!
Now we move onto a match that is all about vengeance, and about a hope for the future.. Last time we saw Stuart Robinson was when he threw a fireball at the face of Sean Gabriel, and last time we saw Sean, he was getting medical attention and Baker swore he'd get his revenge and get them a rematch for the belts! The match that we saw was just brutal, as Baker, while not exactly the most comfortable with weapons grabbed a barbed wire bat from Stuart and was swinging wildly at him. Until BAM, he finally nails Stuart a few times, busting him wide open! From there it was a matter of both men trying to survive. The finish came when Baker gave Stuart the Inverted Piledriver onto a fucking PILE OF CHAIRS! Absolute brutality.
Now we move onto the main event, as Dante Black is slinking his way to the ring, looking completely out of it, compared to Jack Dod, sporting Jake Dod's VEST and the title as he makes his way to the ring. It was all-out wild at the start, but when it spills to the outside it was not good for Dante, as Dod nails a huge piledriver on the outside! Dante made a few spirited comebacks after that, but after the attacks he has suffered, there was just no way, as when the Dodsmack happens, the curtain falls. 1...2...3, then Jack Dod hits it AGAIN and locks in the Four Figure Leg Lock! He is looking to make sure Dante Black knows who beat him. Finally the ref pulls him off and he heads to the back as the fans applaud Dante as he tries to pull himself up... Wait.. WAit.. NO.. NOT..NOW.. Spunk, Fiero and Lee up on the ramp, and it looks like they are heading down to the ring, and here comes some refs trying to stop them, and its all out mayhem! Big double powerbomb on Dante! Dante trying to fight back AND HE EATS A SFK!! But that isn't enough, Spunk picks him up and just drives him down with that modified FF again! This is just.. Spunk hasn't just turned his back on everything, he has joined the darkside and is teaming with two of the sickest men in WILD history, as all 3 are laughing and circling around Dante as the refs have finally formed a barrier over him, protecting him.
11.17.2007
WILD Saturday Night #7
So the heads at WILD were thinking about playing off the obvious hatred between Cynthia San Martino and Thunderlips Lachlan (as seen in issue #6!) by scheduling another match, this time with the loser having to prove their dubious sexuality by disrobing in front of a gynecologist in the middle of the ring! Luckily for us all they came to their senses in the nick of time and decided no one in their right minds really gives a flying fuck about which sex is superior in battle and thus this short lived program hath been cancelled-eth …
And so the first match of the night involved that exciting breed of rasslers who are only nominally more interesting than midgets: the junior heavyweight. You see, word has been growing about the creation of a brand-new WILD Junior Heavyweight title (and a TOURNAMENT to crown the first champ!), so spunky little high-flyers have been lining up to prove their worth! Of them all, few have shone brighter in recent weeks than indie superstar Hando and Fusion Dojo soy sauce magnate Kikkoman, who, by the grace of good booking, faced off against one another this week!
With evil fashion model MIRYOKO’s agent looking on and taking notes, Kikkoman wound up scoring the impressive win here, downing a man who – just last week - took out three men in one match (also seen in issue #6!) after a mind-numbingly exciting final three minutes that saw nothing but finisher quality moves traded with wild abandon! If the rumors about a WILD Jr. Title tourney happening in the coming weeks are true we can only hope these men square off at some point during it!
If you keep up with the action in Spunk Pro you would know that Matt D is sporting a bit of a new look, having embraced the ebony folds of the world’s sorrow. Translation: he went Goth, which means jet-black hair, painted fingernails and black lipstick. He also no longer wants to be known as Matt D, taking the time before his tag match against the Zombis, to announce his new name: shaDow (whatever). To christen this new moniker he proceeded to cut his wrist with an ornamental metal thumbnail, which turned out to be a really poor course of action in the presence of flesh-eating zombies.
Already straining at their dog collars (mandated by WILD after the events of last week), the Zombis broke free with ease at the sight of crimson jets erupting from Matt D’s forearm (he cut down, never cut down), sending him scurrying and leaving partner Rodrigo Jorge to fend for himself. Called out later for his cowardice, Matt said he needed medical attention and was not ready to cross over into the “gathering dark”, having much sorrow to spread before he leaves this mortal coil. (whatever) Whatever his reason for bailing it didn’t really matter to Capoeira master Jorge, who put on a fucking stellar one-man show en route to victory! Unfortunately this didn’t stop him from getting mobbed by the zombies after the match, having large chunks of flesh torn from his body and then stuffed into one of the coffins waiting on the Zombie Master’s ox cart. Oh dear …
Sean Gabriel reluctantly teamed up with the son of deceased legend Virgil Theunk, Gilbert, in the next match against La Cosa Nostra, with the idea being they would put such a hurting on their opponents they would not be able interfere in Paddy Baker’s Mid-Continental title defense against Paradigm later in the evening. But after this one was over and done it turns out Theunk was really the only one that got tuckered out, what with this being only his fourth wrestling match and all. Well, that and the fact the fool refused to tag out during the final fifteen minutes of the match, going on and on about avenging his father’s good name and protecting the legacy of the Mid-Continental title.
This isn’t to say he didn’t look good leading the charge into the gates of hell, as it were, but he’s really going to have to learn a thing or two about teamwork if he ever wants to pair off with a dedicated tag team veteran like Gabriel ever again. Speaking of which, the “Emerald Isle Bruiser’s” presence was enough to dissuade Briggs and Zannino from attempting any post match shenanigans, but it was pretty clear from the way he pushed past Theunk on the way out of the ring that he is not happy with this newcomer being associated with the Celtic Bruisers. Drama!
MIRYOKO was back this week sans elephant (he was told politely, yet firmly, to never bring that “manure machine” back to a WILD show again) but with something much, much better: Billy Hollywood! Seems these two have struck up quite a friendship in the past week; trying on fancy clothes at boutiques and then pouring ink all over them, heckling dancers at local drag shows, feasting on sushi and then faking illness to get out of paying the bill, cheating at skee-ball in order to rack up tickets, teasing zoo animals and stealing rare orchids from local arboretums. You name it, and these two fast friends have done it!
Originally these two wanted to pair off in tag action this week but since WILD Personnel can’t get off its ass for ten minutes to send me the appropriate files poor Billy is not cleared to wrestle on Saturday Nights. I know, it sucks! So instead of wrestling these two extremely fashion conscious individuals decided to share their proposed designs for the new WILD Junior Heavyweight championship with the audience, sticking them to the faceplate of MIRYOKO’s Southeastern Junior Heavyweight Championship and having them paraded around the ring to Kylie Minogue’s “Can’t Get You Out Of My Head”. You think you know crowd heat? Yeah, you don’t know shit son.
God bless Kyle Walker! This young stripling decided he had just about enough of this nonsense and stormed down to the ring, demanding MIRYOKO put an end to the freak show and give him a shot for the Southeastern title! Amazingly MIRYOKO agreed, even appearing a little eager to get down and dirty with the taut, lithe athletic frame of the young Walker, all while Hollywood feigned fear, calling Walker a “filthy brute” and telling him to stay away. It was all really pretty creepy, especially if you aren’t secure with your heterosexuality. (You know who you are ;))
Anyways, Walker built on his solid performance against Leche the week before, meeting the champ blow for blow and even jarring the porcelain mask with a solid right, knocking it halfway off his face and exposing his most prized possession: his extremely photogenic face! Sensing his pal was moments away from doom, Billy Hollywood made an attempt to aid him, climbing the ring apron with the Southeastern title in hand! Somehow sensing this heel chicanery, Juan Leche sprinted to the ring from the back and attacked Hollywood, drawing the attention of referee Gen Hirayama.
Unfortunately all this did was allow MIRYOKO’s ever-skulking bodyguards, the Ninja Express, to aid their master. With the official effectively distracted they emerged from the shadows and attacked Walker with kendo sticks, allowing MIRYOKO to put him away with a Yokosuka Cutter, thus retaining his title. However there was no repeat of the beat down from the week prior, as Leche drove off the enemy hordes with a chair! After MIRYOKO, Hollywood and the Ninjas scurried off Leche then tended to Walker, only to get met with a punch to the face for his troubles! Oh man it just keeps getting better and better, don’t it?
Aleks Dodstva took the next step in his development in the fifth match of the night, taking on the bum fighter Bobo Gomez in singles action. Unfortunately that next step wound up going backwards, as the street fightin’ stud handled Dodstva with ease, taking him down with his MUSO finisher in just over ten minutes. If losing rather convincingly in front of a pretty large audience wasn’t enough poor Aleks had to endure the scolding of his trainer Ronnie!
The tongue-lashing might have lasted forever if it wasn’t for the grand entrance of Da Busch Boyz, continuing their “Petition For Recognition” initiative despite losing to the Dods the week before. Seeing their foes, Ronnie and Aleks girdled up their loins for battle until Busch Boyz manager Master P told them to “Chill my brothas!” While the booty girls got signatures for their petition, Master P asked the Dod one simple question that could alter the face of WILD Tag Team wrestling FOREVER: “We be changin’ da face o’ tag team rasslin’ on Saturday nights for two months now, blood. So why da hell you gotta be getting’ humbled by the dregs o’ Sundays when y’all SHOULD be steppin’ up to get a piece o’ what’s yours from LRI?” Yeah, not even Ronnie can argue with that logic.
Finally the night was capped off with a Mid-Continental Heavyweight Championship match, with champion Paddy Baker taking on Paradigm, who somehow weaseled his way into this position by virtue of his winning the six-man tag match for his team last week. Baker took the win here, his second straight in singles action against Paradigm, tripping up the hungry contender … literally! It all came down to the final moments, with both men barely eluding count-out after some intense brawling ringside. After crawling back in Baker attempted a backdrop suplex only to have it blocked, with Paradigm countering with a elbow smash to the back of Baker’s head.
The impact really must have been severe, for Baker struggled to get back up, slowly shaking his head in an effort to clear the cobwebs. Seeing this, Paradigm decided to gloat, pointing to the shiny silver title that lay on the timekeeper’s table, and then to his waist. Paradigm then grabbed Baker’s ankle and went for the STF, only to be tripped by the crafty Baker, sending him headfirst into the turnbuckle! Paradigm’s head snapped back violently and Baker waster no time, moving about as fast as he can to take advantage of his opponent’s vulnerable position, dropping him with the inverted piledriver and just barely getting the three count.
Several minutes and a breath caught later, Baker rose from the mat and signaled for his Mid-Continental title to be brought to him. But after several minutes, and no belt, Baker turned to the table that, just minutes before, held the title, only to see it was no longer there! The referee then re-entered the ring to confirm Baker’s worst fear: the title had been stolen by a mysterious masked individual of unknown origin! Baker’s eyes went wide as he turned to look at Paradigm, seated in the far corner, wiping the corner of his mouth, his soft giggling building into mocking laughter before rolling safely under the bottom rope, evading the charging Baker who realized, just then, that there was nothing he could have done to walk out of the arena with his title that night …
1) Kikkoman ~13:37 Diamond Cutter~ Hando
2) shaDow/ Rodrigo Jorge O ~8:03 Enzui Kneel Kick~ Zombi Holocaust [Zombi I/ Zombi II X]
3) La Cosa Nostra [Rick Briggs O/ Ted Zannino] ~26:24 Jumping Piledriver~ Sean Gabriel/ Gilbert Theunk X
4) SOUTHEASTERN JUNIOR HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP
(C) MIRYOKO ~15:49 Yokosuka Cutter~ Kyle Walker {1st Successful Defense}
5) Bobo Gomez ~12:10 MUSO~ Aleks Dodstva
6) MID-CONTINENTAL HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP
(C) Paddy Baker ~16:58 Inverted Piledriver~ Paradigm {2nd Successful Defense}
And so the first match of the night involved that exciting breed of rasslers who are only nominally more interesting than midgets: the junior heavyweight. You see, word has been growing about the creation of a brand-new WILD Junior Heavyweight title (and a TOURNAMENT to crown the first champ!), so spunky little high-flyers have been lining up to prove their worth! Of them all, few have shone brighter in recent weeks than indie superstar Hando and Fusion Dojo soy sauce magnate Kikkoman, who, by the grace of good booking, faced off against one another this week!
With evil fashion model MIRYOKO’s agent looking on and taking notes, Kikkoman wound up scoring the impressive win here, downing a man who – just last week - took out three men in one match (also seen in issue #6!) after a mind-numbingly exciting final three minutes that saw nothing but finisher quality moves traded with wild abandon! If the rumors about a WILD Jr. Title tourney happening in the coming weeks are true we can only hope these men square off at some point during it!
If you keep up with the action in Spunk Pro you would know that Matt D is sporting a bit of a new look, having embraced the ebony folds of the world’s sorrow. Translation: he went Goth, which means jet-black hair, painted fingernails and black lipstick. He also no longer wants to be known as Matt D, taking the time before his tag match against the Zombis, to announce his new name: shaDow (whatever). To christen this new moniker he proceeded to cut his wrist with an ornamental metal thumbnail, which turned out to be a really poor course of action in the presence of flesh-eating zombies.
Already straining at their dog collars (mandated by WILD after the events of last week), the Zombis broke free with ease at the sight of crimson jets erupting from Matt D’s forearm (he cut down, never cut down), sending him scurrying and leaving partner Rodrigo Jorge to fend for himself. Called out later for his cowardice, Matt said he needed medical attention and was not ready to cross over into the “gathering dark”, having much sorrow to spread before he leaves this mortal coil. (whatever) Whatever his reason for bailing it didn’t really matter to Capoeira master Jorge, who put on a fucking stellar one-man show en route to victory! Unfortunately this didn’t stop him from getting mobbed by the zombies after the match, having large chunks of flesh torn from his body and then stuffed into one of the coffins waiting on the Zombie Master’s ox cart. Oh dear …
Sean Gabriel reluctantly teamed up with the son of deceased legend Virgil Theunk, Gilbert, in the next match against La Cosa Nostra, with the idea being they would put such a hurting on their opponents they would not be able interfere in Paddy Baker’s Mid-Continental title defense against Paradigm later in the evening. But after this one was over and done it turns out Theunk was really the only one that got tuckered out, what with this being only his fourth wrestling match and all. Well, that and the fact the fool refused to tag out during the final fifteen minutes of the match, going on and on about avenging his father’s good name and protecting the legacy of the Mid-Continental title.
This isn’t to say he didn’t look good leading the charge into the gates of hell, as it were, but he’s really going to have to learn a thing or two about teamwork if he ever wants to pair off with a dedicated tag team veteran like Gabriel ever again. Speaking of which, the “Emerald Isle Bruiser’s” presence was enough to dissuade Briggs and Zannino from attempting any post match shenanigans, but it was pretty clear from the way he pushed past Theunk on the way out of the ring that he is not happy with this newcomer being associated with the Celtic Bruisers. Drama!
MIRYOKO was back this week sans elephant (he was told politely, yet firmly, to never bring that “manure machine” back to a WILD show again) but with something much, much better: Billy Hollywood! Seems these two have struck up quite a friendship in the past week; trying on fancy clothes at boutiques and then pouring ink all over them, heckling dancers at local drag shows, feasting on sushi and then faking illness to get out of paying the bill, cheating at skee-ball in order to rack up tickets, teasing zoo animals and stealing rare orchids from local arboretums. You name it, and these two fast friends have done it!
Originally these two wanted to pair off in tag action this week but since WILD Personnel can’t get off its ass for ten minutes to send me the appropriate files poor Billy is not cleared to wrestle on Saturday Nights. I know, it sucks! So instead of wrestling these two extremely fashion conscious individuals decided to share their proposed designs for the new WILD Junior Heavyweight championship with the audience, sticking them to the faceplate of MIRYOKO’s Southeastern Junior Heavyweight Championship and having them paraded around the ring to Kylie Minogue’s “Can’t Get You Out Of My Head”. You think you know crowd heat? Yeah, you don’t know shit son.
God bless Kyle Walker! This young stripling decided he had just about enough of this nonsense and stormed down to the ring, demanding MIRYOKO put an end to the freak show and give him a shot for the Southeastern title! Amazingly MIRYOKO agreed, even appearing a little eager to get down and dirty with the taut, lithe athletic frame of the young Walker, all while Hollywood feigned fear, calling Walker a “filthy brute” and telling him to stay away. It was all really pretty creepy, especially if you aren’t secure with your heterosexuality. (You know who you are ;))
Anyways, Walker built on his solid performance against Leche the week before, meeting the champ blow for blow and even jarring the porcelain mask with a solid right, knocking it halfway off his face and exposing his most prized possession: his extremely photogenic face! Sensing his pal was moments away from doom, Billy Hollywood made an attempt to aid him, climbing the ring apron with the Southeastern title in hand! Somehow sensing this heel chicanery, Juan Leche sprinted to the ring from the back and attacked Hollywood, drawing the attention of referee Gen Hirayama.
Unfortunately all this did was allow MIRYOKO’s ever-skulking bodyguards, the Ninja Express, to aid their master. With the official effectively distracted they emerged from the shadows and attacked Walker with kendo sticks, allowing MIRYOKO to put him away with a Yokosuka Cutter, thus retaining his title. However there was no repeat of the beat down from the week prior, as Leche drove off the enemy hordes with a chair! After MIRYOKO, Hollywood and the Ninjas scurried off Leche then tended to Walker, only to get met with a punch to the face for his troubles! Oh man it just keeps getting better and better, don’t it?
Aleks Dodstva took the next step in his development in the fifth match of the night, taking on the bum fighter Bobo Gomez in singles action. Unfortunately that next step wound up going backwards, as the street fightin’ stud handled Dodstva with ease, taking him down with his MUSO finisher in just over ten minutes. If losing rather convincingly in front of a pretty large audience wasn’t enough poor Aleks had to endure the scolding of his trainer Ronnie!
The tongue-lashing might have lasted forever if it wasn’t for the grand entrance of Da Busch Boyz, continuing their “Petition For Recognition” initiative despite losing to the Dods the week before. Seeing their foes, Ronnie and Aleks girdled up their loins for battle until Busch Boyz manager Master P told them to “Chill my brothas!” While the booty girls got signatures for their petition, Master P asked the Dod one simple question that could alter the face of WILD Tag Team wrestling FOREVER: “We be changin’ da face o’ tag team rasslin’ on Saturday nights for two months now, blood. So why da hell you gotta be getting’ humbled by the dregs o’ Sundays when y’all SHOULD be steppin’ up to get a piece o’ what’s yours from LRI?” Yeah, not even Ronnie can argue with that logic.
Finally the night was capped off with a Mid-Continental Heavyweight Championship match, with champion Paddy Baker taking on Paradigm, who somehow weaseled his way into this position by virtue of his winning the six-man tag match for his team last week. Baker took the win here, his second straight in singles action against Paradigm, tripping up the hungry contender … literally! It all came down to the final moments, with both men barely eluding count-out after some intense brawling ringside. After crawling back in Baker attempted a backdrop suplex only to have it blocked, with Paradigm countering with a elbow smash to the back of Baker’s head.
The impact really must have been severe, for Baker struggled to get back up, slowly shaking his head in an effort to clear the cobwebs. Seeing this, Paradigm decided to gloat, pointing to the shiny silver title that lay on the timekeeper’s table, and then to his waist. Paradigm then grabbed Baker’s ankle and went for the STF, only to be tripped by the crafty Baker, sending him headfirst into the turnbuckle! Paradigm’s head snapped back violently and Baker waster no time, moving about as fast as he can to take advantage of his opponent’s vulnerable position, dropping him with the inverted piledriver and just barely getting the three count.
Several minutes and a breath caught later, Baker rose from the mat and signaled for his Mid-Continental title to be brought to him. But after several minutes, and no belt, Baker turned to the table that, just minutes before, held the title, only to see it was no longer there! The referee then re-entered the ring to confirm Baker’s worst fear: the title had been stolen by a mysterious masked individual of unknown origin! Baker’s eyes went wide as he turned to look at Paradigm, seated in the far corner, wiping the corner of his mouth, his soft giggling building into mocking laughter before rolling safely under the bottom rope, evading the charging Baker who realized, just then, that there was nothing he could have done to walk out of the arena with his title that night …
1) Kikkoman ~13:37 Diamond Cutter~ Hando
2) shaDow/ Rodrigo Jorge O ~8:03 Enzui Kneel Kick~ Zombi Holocaust [Zombi I/ Zombi II X]
3) La Cosa Nostra [Rick Briggs O/ Ted Zannino] ~26:24 Jumping Piledriver~ Sean Gabriel/ Gilbert Theunk X
4) SOUTHEASTERN JUNIOR HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP
(C) MIRYOKO ~15:49 Yokosuka Cutter~ Kyle Walker {1st Successful Defense}
5) Bobo Gomez ~12:10 MUSO~ Aleks Dodstva
6) MID-CONTINENTAL HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP
(C) Paddy Baker ~16:58 Inverted Piledriver~ Paradigm {2nd Successful Defense}
11.10.2007
WILD Saturday Night #6
A night of exciting excitement started off with a guy vs. girl (gasp!) match, featuring Pro Wrestling WILD’s resident bully dyke Cynthia San Martino and women’s water polo coach Thunderlips Lachlan! The whole thing came about when Lachlan “accidentally” stumbled into the lady’s locker room while looking for his “poodle”, catching San Martino and Azumi Oonishi in a compromising position that involved a riding crop, bit and a studded strap-on. I’ll let you fill in the rest.
So in the heat of the moment was San Martino that she did not notice Lachlan’s presence for quite some time, but when she did …hoooo boy was she angry! Of course, because this is pro wrestling, this led to a wrestling match rather than the invasion of privacy suit that would logically happen in an instance such as this. But, because I do not ignore the basic laws of physics, Lachlan pretty much had his way with San Martino in this match because he outweighs her by a good forty kilos (fuck you, I’m not doing the conversion).
Lachlan blew his chance at humiliating victory in two very noticeable ways, however. The first was by wearing jean shorts way that were way too tight for any man, showing off just how excited he was to be in such close proximity to a member of the opposite sex, no matter how butch, thus giving away what we already knew all along: he wasn’t really looking for his poodle backstage! (Double gasp!) Secondly, he planted a big wet one on the bruised face of San Martino, giving her just enough of a charge to fight back with a series of headbutts and turnbuckle smashes, spilling the action outside the ring where Lachlan really didn’t put up much of a fight, resulting in a weird double-count out.
Upwards and onwards to match numero dos! Fans in attendance bore witness to one of the odder entrances in WILD history, as an ox-drawn cart bearing two coffins and a cloaked individual of unknown origin at the reins slowly made its way to the ring. And if you think this unorthodox entrance baffled the fans, you should have seen the look on the faces of local jobbers Eddie Dahed and Vic Rattlehead when the coffins opened, revealing Zombis I and II! Clearly, something was different about these MPLL rudos who were practically laughed out of the arena during their last appearance for WILD, so phony and totally not undead their appearance was.
Not so this time, for these two had the look down pat, from the festering wounds strewn with maggots to the eerie groans to the rapid shambling that only the finer Romero zombies can lay claim to; yes, if there is a zombie school anywhere in these fine United States these fellas graduated with honors. Unfortunately they may have been a little too into their schtick, as they took large chunks of flesh from their screaming opponents, resulting in an early disqualification and a mad scramble from WILD security to restore order. Mysterious Cloaked Zombie Master apologized profusely for the behavior of his “wrestlers” once order was restored and put them back in their coffins, promising that this sort of thing will never happen again. Weird, man.
Obligatory junior four-way match designed to get over the fledgling junior division was next on the card, with indie wrestling legend Hando outshining and outlasting opponents Wataru Araya, AC Slasher and Matt D, eliminating all three by himself and immediately establishing himself as some one to watch out for in the WILD junior ranks! Midway through this bout the Valiant Wrestling Alliance’s MIRYOKO (with the VWA six-man tag titles and newly acquired Southeastern Junior Heavyweight Championship in his possession), accompanied by his fashion designer and his bodyguards the Ninja Express, made an appearance on the back of a jewel encrusted Howdah (google it, fucker) saddled elephant. From the safety of this point of view MIRYOKO delighted in the match below, laughing at the action while his fashion designer furiously scribbled in a note pad.
At the conclusion of the bout MIRYOKO’s fashion designer climbed down from his perch and presented Hando with a prize for his efforts: new boots made of material from the boots of Juan Leche and shiny shirt of Kyle Walker, stolen two weeks before by The Ninja Express! Hando politely declined the present, infuriating MIRYOKO, but before he could sic his Ninjas on him Juan Leche and Kyle Walker stormed the ring from opposite sides of the arena to confront the effeminate Japanese supermodel for his actions! Sensing craziness was about to happen, Hando bailed just as Leche grabbed one boot and Walker the other, sending the fashion designed scurrying for cover.
Then, each with mic in hand, Leche and Walker proceeded to talk over one another as they tried to call out MIRYOKO for his dastardly deeds, the whole bit slightly comical at first until it was clear neither man wanted to be upstaged by the other until, finally, young Kyle Walker couldn’t take it anymore, hauling off and nailing Leche in the jaw with a punch! What followed was the best kind of match, the impromptu kind officiated by a conveniently present referee, this one an eagerly anticipated showdown between two men who have been itching to tangle for weeks now!
With a gleeful MIRYOKO clapping along like an enthusiastic school girl at the sight of his junior competition tearing into each other, and even Billy Hollywood and Lou Hoffman stepping out from the back to watch, Walker and Leche put on a junior heavyweight wrestling clinic, putting their all into beating the other, with Walker putting on his best match yet in his short career, narrowly downing Leche with his Sky Walker 450 splash. I really shouldn’t have to say the effort put forth in the match left Walker and Leche exhausted and vulnerable to a Ninja Express attack, should I? Well, they did, while MIRYOKO invited Billy Hollywood to the confines of the Howdah to try on some blouses.
Paddy Baker and Sean Gabriel, the Celtic Bruisers, made their way to the ring alone once the elephant and its gigantic poo had been removed from the arena. Very angry and very drunk (then again, they pretty much always are) they called out La Cosa Nostra to settle their differences once and for all! It appears that Celtic Bruiser in training Sit Kwok Fu was asked to fetch Baker’s Lincoln Continental from the parking lot and once the ignition was started the fucking engine blew up! Thankfully there was a slight delay between the turn of the key and the car being completely consumed by flame (you know, like Casino), enabling the plucky Korean to escape with his life, but still badly burned. Needless to say, he’ll be out of action for a while, and the Bruisers ain’t happy about it!
Several long minutes and no La Cosa Nostra later, the Bruisers looked ready to hunt them down themselves, until they were interrupted by the man that started this mess in the first place: Paradigm! Owing what is rumored to be a sizable amount of cash to the Italians, Paradigm looked sketched out beyond belief, appearing as if he hasn’t showered in weeks with eyes reddened from lack of sleep. Freaked out, Paradigm begged the Bruisers to protect him, saying he can lead them to their hideout! The Bruisers eyed Paradigm warily but ultimately decided to follow, perhaps figuring even if they were betrayed they could handle the odds. (Besides, you gotta move the story along somehow. Let’s see you do it better, yeah, that’s what I thought, keep stuffing your face funboy.)
And of course, after being led through the bowels of the arena towards a seldom used locker room WAY in the back, they were jumped by La Cosa Nostra AND Paradigm, revealing that the cowardly little punk was never in danger for his life at all, just playing the role of victim to catch the Bruisers off their guard. Little bastard. But it turns out, as it often does, the Bruisers had a bit of an ace up their sleeves as well, an angry rugby player with a lead pipe, Virgil Theunk’s estranged son Gilbert, who had been tailing the Bruisers and now entered the fray to even the odds and get revenge on the man who disgraced his pop’s good name! Hooray!
Much battling took place next, leading all the way back to the arena and even into the ring where yet another conveniently present referee decided to declare this one an actual match! And while the Bruisers and the Italians beat the shit out of each other with punches and elbows Paradigm and Gilbert Theunk squeezed in some actual wrestling, pretty good wresting too, with Paradigm showing off his classicly trained technical side and Gilbert displaying all the skills he learned while being trained by his father, mat wizard Virgil Theunk (RIP) from a young age. Leave it to the heel to cheat to win though, using a brick to the back of the head to set up the win with a cradle piledriver while referee Gen Hirayama struggled to separate the others for the umpteenth time. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, this feud is far from over, baby!
Last match of the night featured the upstart Busch Boyz trying to build upon their heinous sneak attack on the members of the Dod family and PTFW. Turns out the PTFW faction was not available, as Martin Fairbairn has decided he is just so big and strong he would be put to better use as a bridge in Northumberland, so the burden of getting even with da Busch Boyz lay squarely on the shoulders of Ronnie Dod and his protégé Aleks Dodstva. Not that they mind, they’re fucking Dods, they live for this shit.
Even with the inexperienced (but he’s getting better!) Dodstva teaming with Ronnie, the Dods were heavily favored to win here, prompting Busch Boyz manager Master P to complain by displaying “Don’t Be A H8ER” signs. If the Vegas bookies pretty much writing off the Busch Boyz weren’t enough, this match had gained some degree of infamy on the internet over the week, being derisively labeled “More Than They Can Chew” in reference to da Boyz monumentally stupid decision to Pearl Harbor some of the meanest bastards in WILD.
What this all leads up to is an even stupider decision by da Boyz to refuse to cheat during this match, despite the protests of Master P and even, surprisingly, most of the audience, some of whom even tried to hand various sundry items to Raz and Duz after they made their “We’s gonna beat these chumps square, fo’ realz yo!” proclamation. And even without da Boyz using the techniques that got them this far they actually hung in for longer than expected, managing to tire out Ronnie and isolating Aleks for some clever double teams late, including an amazing Doomsday Device Double Axe Handle to the face! Somehow Aleks kicked out of this, dropping Raz with a Karelin’s Lift, shocking all by hitting a diving senton from the top rope and then submitting the little guy with a Moscow Stretch, even getting a rare late match save from Ronnie, who prevented Duz from breaking the hold on his partner! Hot damn Ronnie and Aleks might have finally gelled here, folks!
Much glaring between the Dods and Busch’s afterwards, silent show of respect without appearing weak, yada yada yada …
1) Cynthia San Martino ~12:05 Double Count-Out!~ Thunderlips Lachlan
2) Eddie Dahed O/ Vic Rattlehead ~3:26 Disqualification~ OMFG ZOMBIS [Zombi I/ Zombi II X]
3) Hando won a four-way elimination match
Hando ~14:41 Gannosuke Clutch~ Wataru Araya
Hando ~20:03 Tiger Suplex Hold~ AC Slasher
Hando ~21:42 Corner Rebound Rolling Senton~ Matt D
4) Kyle Walker ~16:42 The Sky Walker~ Juan Leche
5) La Cosa Nostra [Rick Briggs/ Ted Zannino] Paradigm O ~25:16 Cradle Piledriver~ The Celtic Bruisers [Paddy Baker/ Sean Gabriel] Gilbert Theunk X
6) Team Dod [Ronnie Dod/ Aleks Dodstva O] ~21:29 Moscow Stretch~ Da Busch Boyz [Raz Busch X/ Duz Busch]
So in the heat of the moment was San Martino that she did not notice Lachlan’s presence for quite some time, but when she did …hoooo boy was she angry! Of course, because this is pro wrestling, this led to a wrestling match rather than the invasion of privacy suit that would logically happen in an instance such as this. But, because I do not ignore the basic laws of physics, Lachlan pretty much had his way with San Martino in this match because he outweighs her by a good forty kilos (fuck you, I’m not doing the conversion).
Lachlan blew his chance at humiliating victory in two very noticeable ways, however. The first was by wearing jean shorts way that were way too tight for any man, showing off just how excited he was to be in such close proximity to a member of the opposite sex, no matter how butch, thus giving away what we already knew all along: he wasn’t really looking for his poodle backstage! (Double gasp!) Secondly, he planted a big wet one on the bruised face of San Martino, giving her just enough of a charge to fight back with a series of headbutts and turnbuckle smashes, spilling the action outside the ring where Lachlan really didn’t put up much of a fight, resulting in a weird double-count out.
Upwards and onwards to match numero dos! Fans in attendance bore witness to one of the odder entrances in WILD history, as an ox-drawn cart bearing two coffins and a cloaked individual of unknown origin at the reins slowly made its way to the ring. And if you think this unorthodox entrance baffled the fans, you should have seen the look on the faces of local jobbers Eddie Dahed and Vic Rattlehead when the coffins opened, revealing Zombis I and II! Clearly, something was different about these MPLL rudos who were practically laughed out of the arena during their last appearance for WILD, so phony and totally not undead their appearance was.
Not so this time, for these two had the look down pat, from the festering wounds strewn with maggots to the eerie groans to the rapid shambling that only the finer Romero zombies can lay claim to; yes, if there is a zombie school anywhere in these fine United States these fellas graduated with honors. Unfortunately they may have been a little too into their schtick, as they took large chunks of flesh from their screaming opponents, resulting in an early disqualification and a mad scramble from WILD security to restore order. Mysterious Cloaked Zombie Master apologized profusely for the behavior of his “wrestlers” once order was restored and put them back in their coffins, promising that this sort of thing will never happen again. Weird, man.
Obligatory junior four-way match designed to get over the fledgling junior division was next on the card, with indie wrestling legend Hando outshining and outlasting opponents Wataru Araya, AC Slasher and Matt D, eliminating all three by himself and immediately establishing himself as some one to watch out for in the WILD junior ranks! Midway through this bout the Valiant Wrestling Alliance’s MIRYOKO (with the VWA six-man tag titles and newly acquired Southeastern Junior Heavyweight Championship in his possession), accompanied by his fashion designer and his bodyguards the Ninja Express, made an appearance on the back of a jewel encrusted Howdah (google it, fucker) saddled elephant. From the safety of this point of view MIRYOKO delighted in the match below, laughing at the action while his fashion designer furiously scribbled in a note pad.
At the conclusion of the bout MIRYOKO’s fashion designer climbed down from his perch and presented Hando with a prize for his efforts: new boots made of material from the boots of Juan Leche and shiny shirt of Kyle Walker, stolen two weeks before by The Ninja Express! Hando politely declined the present, infuriating MIRYOKO, but before he could sic his Ninjas on him Juan Leche and Kyle Walker stormed the ring from opposite sides of the arena to confront the effeminate Japanese supermodel for his actions! Sensing craziness was about to happen, Hando bailed just as Leche grabbed one boot and Walker the other, sending the fashion designed scurrying for cover.
Then, each with mic in hand, Leche and Walker proceeded to talk over one another as they tried to call out MIRYOKO for his dastardly deeds, the whole bit slightly comical at first until it was clear neither man wanted to be upstaged by the other until, finally, young Kyle Walker couldn’t take it anymore, hauling off and nailing Leche in the jaw with a punch! What followed was the best kind of match, the impromptu kind officiated by a conveniently present referee, this one an eagerly anticipated showdown between two men who have been itching to tangle for weeks now!
With a gleeful MIRYOKO clapping along like an enthusiastic school girl at the sight of his junior competition tearing into each other, and even Billy Hollywood and Lou Hoffman stepping out from the back to watch, Walker and Leche put on a junior heavyweight wrestling clinic, putting their all into beating the other, with Walker putting on his best match yet in his short career, narrowly downing Leche with his Sky Walker 450 splash. I really shouldn’t have to say the effort put forth in the match left Walker and Leche exhausted and vulnerable to a Ninja Express attack, should I? Well, they did, while MIRYOKO invited Billy Hollywood to the confines of the Howdah to try on some blouses.
Paddy Baker and Sean Gabriel, the Celtic Bruisers, made their way to the ring alone once the elephant and its gigantic poo had been removed from the arena. Very angry and very drunk (then again, they pretty much always are) they called out La Cosa Nostra to settle their differences once and for all! It appears that Celtic Bruiser in training Sit Kwok Fu was asked to fetch Baker’s Lincoln Continental from the parking lot and once the ignition was started the fucking engine blew up! Thankfully there was a slight delay between the turn of the key and the car being completely consumed by flame (you know, like Casino), enabling the plucky Korean to escape with his life, but still badly burned. Needless to say, he’ll be out of action for a while, and the Bruisers ain’t happy about it!
Several long minutes and no La Cosa Nostra later, the Bruisers looked ready to hunt them down themselves, until they were interrupted by the man that started this mess in the first place: Paradigm! Owing what is rumored to be a sizable amount of cash to the Italians, Paradigm looked sketched out beyond belief, appearing as if he hasn’t showered in weeks with eyes reddened from lack of sleep. Freaked out, Paradigm begged the Bruisers to protect him, saying he can lead them to their hideout! The Bruisers eyed Paradigm warily but ultimately decided to follow, perhaps figuring even if they were betrayed they could handle the odds. (Besides, you gotta move the story along somehow. Let’s see you do it better, yeah, that’s what I thought, keep stuffing your face funboy.)
And of course, after being led through the bowels of the arena towards a seldom used locker room WAY in the back, they were jumped by La Cosa Nostra AND Paradigm, revealing that the cowardly little punk was never in danger for his life at all, just playing the role of victim to catch the Bruisers off their guard. Little bastard. But it turns out, as it often does, the Bruisers had a bit of an ace up their sleeves as well, an angry rugby player with a lead pipe, Virgil Theunk’s estranged son Gilbert, who had been tailing the Bruisers and now entered the fray to even the odds and get revenge on the man who disgraced his pop’s good name! Hooray!
Much battling took place next, leading all the way back to the arena and even into the ring where yet another conveniently present referee decided to declare this one an actual match! And while the Bruisers and the Italians beat the shit out of each other with punches and elbows Paradigm and Gilbert Theunk squeezed in some actual wrestling, pretty good wresting too, with Paradigm showing off his classicly trained technical side and Gilbert displaying all the skills he learned while being trained by his father, mat wizard Virgil Theunk (RIP) from a young age. Leave it to the heel to cheat to win though, using a brick to the back of the head to set up the win with a cradle piledriver while referee Gen Hirayama struggled to separate the others for the umpteenth time. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, this feud is far from over, baby!
Last match of the night featured the upstart Busch Boyz trying to build upon their heinous sneak attack on the members of the Dod family and PTFW. Turns out the PTFW faction was not available, as Martin Fairbairn has decided he is just so big and strong he would be put to better use as a bridge in Northumberland, so the burden of getting even with da Busch Boyz lay squarely on the shoulders of Ronnie Dod and his protégé Aleks Dodstva. Not that they mind, they’re fucking Dods, they live for this shit.
Even with the inexperienced (but he’s getting better!) Dodstva teaming with Ronnie, the Dods were heavily favored to win here, prompting Busch Boyz manager Master P to complain by displaying “Don’t Be A H8ER” signs. If the Vegas bookies pretty much writing off the Busch Boyz weren’t enough, this match had gained some degree of infamy on the internet over the week, being derisively labeled “More Than They Can Chew” in reference to da Boyz monumentally stupid decision to Pearl Harbor some of the meanest bastards in WILD.
What this all leads up to is an even stupider decision by da Boyz to refuse to cheat during this match, despite the protests of Master P and even, surprisingly, most of the audience, some of whom even tried to hand various sundry items to Raz and Duz after they made their “We’s gonna beat these chumps square, fo’ realz yo!” proclamation. And even without da Boyz using the techniques that got them this far they actually hung in for longer than expected, managing to tire out Ronnie and isolating Aleks for some clever double teams late, including an amazing Doomsday Device Double Axe Handle to the face! Somehow Aleks kicked out of this, dropping Raz with a Karelin’s Lift, shocking all by hitting a diving senton from the top rope and then submitting the little guy with a Moscow Stretch, even getting a rare late match save from Ronnie, who prevented Duz from breaking the hold on his partner! Hot damn Ronnie and Aleks might have finally gelled here, folks!
Much glaring between the Dods and Busch’s afterwards, silent show of respect without appearing weak, yada yada yada …
1) Cynthia San Martino ~12:05 Double Count-Out!~ Thunderlips Lachlan
2) Eddie Dahed O/ Vic Rattlehead ~3:26 Disqualification~ OMFG ZOMBIS [Zombi I/ Zombi II X]
3) Hando won a four-way elimination match
Hando ~14:41 Gannosuke Clutch~ Wataru Araya
Hando ~20:03 Tiger Suplex Hold~ AC Slasher
Hando ~21:42 Corner Rebound Rolling Senton~ Matt D
4) Kyle Walker ~16:42 The Sky Walker~ Juan Leche
5) La Cosa Nostra [Rick Briggs/ Ted Zannino] Paradigm O ~25:16 Cradle Piledriver~ The Celtic Bruisers [Paddy Baker/ Sean Gabriel] Gilbert Theunk X
6) Team Dod [Ronnie Dod/ Aleks Dodstva O] ~21:29 Moscow Stretch~ Da Busch Boyz [Raz Busch X/ Duz Busch]
11.04.2007
WILD TV -- 11.4.07
Welcome everyone to Pro-Wrestling WILD TV, and we have a huge show for you as always, as we kick things off with Bobo Gomez taking on Sit. This should be a brutal, all-out war as both men have a take no prisoners style.
Sit and Bobo gave it their all, we had weapons, brawling all around the ringside area and lots of high impact stuff, with Sit taking this one with a big leg drop.
Sit (Leg Drop -> Pin) Bobo Gomez
Next up is Billy Hollywood teaming with Kyle Walker to take on the dynamic team of Juan Leche and Shady~!
This turned out to be a very smart match, with both teams showing a lot, what should be noted is Kyle Walker looked genuinely disgusted with Billy Hollywood throughout the match, refusing to really work with his partner. Billy's unorthodox, sexual molestation style didn't seem to go over well with his opponents, but that didn't matter as the Star*Maker put Juan Leche away after a tough battle, with Kyle Walker after the pin just up and leaving.
Billy Hollywood (Star*Maker -> Pin) Juan Leche
Whoa, and now we get word that there was an altercation backstage between partners Billy Hollywood and Kyle Walker, apparently Kyle Walker was molested! He is claiming that Billy tried to rape him! What a mess.. Seriously, ew.
Now uh, we go to something a bit different.. Ladies and gentlemen, Todd Pettengild vs... DANDEAD.
This wasn't even close, Danny Bell is a MONSTER. He also did NOT break his leg doing a top rope front kick. What a guy.
DanDead (Master and Ruler of the Dannyverse Bomb -> KO) Todd
The next match is a big one, Dante Black teams with Spunk to take on the team of Tommy Lee, Tommy Fiero and Brian Lee. This should be an interesting one, as Fiero and Dante have been going at it for weeks, and Lee and Spunk have been going at it for YEARS.
Wow, what an insane match. Spunk and Dante just did not work out well at all, Dante's never say die attitude seemed to just be getting on Spunk's nerves, as Spunk wanted into the match, but Dante was just not listening. This led to some frustration and when Dante finally did tag out, well, see for yourself, Spunk absolutely destroys Dante with a SFK!! The fans are confused and booing as Spunk just up and leaves, leaving Dante to himself! Dante valiantly tries to fight off Tommy Lee, but it just wasn't happening, as Fiero embarrasses the #1 contender in the middle of the ring with a sleeper hold, putting him to sleep.
Its really hard to explain exactly what has happened here in this match, but it is HUGE. What is Spunk thinking?
Tommy Fiero (Sleeper Hold) Dante Black
Jason Blackhart's uphill battle to get to the title continues as he is booked against the odds again, this time against both Ronnie and Caleb Dod. JB still sporting the bandage on his head as he really hasn't had much time to recover from his injuries.
JB fought hard, but the odds were just stacked against him, and to top it off, Jack fucking Dod came out! Jack Dod that scumbag of a champion forcing JB to get counted out, as the fans were all believing that JB could do it!
Ronnie/Caleb (Count Out) Jason Blackhart
Now the beating continues, as its 3 on 1, this is just not fair! DODSMACK ON JB AND HE IS COMPLETELY OUT OF IT AGAIN! The Champ has one again gotten the one-up on JB!
Next is the Tag Team Championship! LRI defend against the Celtic Bruisers. These two teams have been duking it out since WILD has returned, and everything they've been doing has just been insanity. Tonight the Bruisers get their shot at the tag gold.
Just like expected, this was a knock-down, drag-out war. Both teams just brutalized each other. The real turning point in the match was near the end when Stuart used a FIREBALL on Sean Gabriel! Sean was able to fight back a bit afterwards, but the harsh reality was the damage was too much, the burns hurt too badly and Stuart put him away with a powerbomb to retain the tag belts for LRI.
Stuart (Powerbomb) Sean Gabriel
Now we have officials helping Sean Gabriel up, and medics attending to him, apparently the burns are a lot worse than imagined. LRI are celebrating their victory, but the fans all seem to be in shock.
Sit and Bobo gave it their all, we had weapons, brawling all around the ringside area and lots of high impact stuff, with Sit taking this one with a big leg drop.
Sit (Leg Drop -> Pin) Bobo Gomez
Next up is Billy Hollywood teaming with Kyle Walker to take on the dynamic team of Juan Leche and Shady~!
This turned out to be a very smart match, with both teams showing a lot, what should be noted is Kyle Walker looked genuinely disgusted with Billy Hollywood throughout the match, refusing to really work with his partner. Billy's unorthodox, sexual molestation style didn't seem to go over well with his opponents, but that didn't matter as the Star*Maker put Juan Leche away after a tough battle, with Kyle Walker after the pin just up and leaving.
Billy Hollywood (Star*Maker -> Pin) Juan Leche
Whoa, and now we get word that there was an altercation backstage between partners Billy Hollywood and Kyle Walker, apparently Kyle Walker was molested! He is claiming that Billy tried to rape him! What a mess.. Seriously, ew.
Now uh, we go to something a bit different.. Ladies and gentlemen, Todd Pettengild vs... DANDEAD.
This wasn't even close, Danny Bell is a MONSTER. He also did NOT break his leg doing a top rope front kick. What a guy.
DanDead (Master and Ruler of the Dannyverse Bomb -> KO) Todd
The next match is a big one, Dante Black teams with Spunk to take on the team of Tommy Lee, Tommy Fiero and Brian Lee. This should be an interesting one, as Fiero and Dante have been going at it for weeks, and Lee and Spunk have been going at it for YEARS.
Wow, what an insane match. Spunk and Dante just did not work out well at all, Dante's never say die attitude seemed to just be getting on Spunk's nerves, as Spunk wanted into the match, but Dante was just not listening. This led to some frustration and when Dante finally did tag out, well, see for yourself, Spunk absolutely destroys Dante with a SFK!! The fans are confused and booing as Spunk just up and leaves, leaving Dante to himself! Dante valiantly tries to fight off Tommy Lee, but it just wasn't happening, as Fiero embarrasses the #1 contender in the middle of the ring with a sleeper hold, putting him to sleep.
Its really hard to explain exactly what has happened here in this match, but it is HUGE. What is Spunk thinking?
Tommy Fiero (Sleeper Hold) Dante Black
Jason Blackhart's uphill battle to get to the title continues as he is booked against the odds again, this time against both Ronnie and Caleb Dod. JB still sporting the bandage on his head as he really hasn't had much time to recover from his injuries.
JB fought hard, but the odds were just stacked against him, and to top it off, Jack fucking Dod came out! Jack Dod that scumbag of a champion forcing JB to get counted out, as the fans were all believing that JB could do it!
Ronnie/Caleb (Count Out) Jason Blackhart
Now the beating continues, as its 3 on 1, this is just not fair! DODSMACK ON JB AND HE IS COMPLETELY OUT OF IT AGAIN! The Champ has one again gotten the one-up on JB!
Next is the Tag Team Championship! LRI defend against the Celtic Bruisers. These two teams have been duking it out since WILD has returned, and everything they've been doing has just been insanity. Tonight the Bruisers get their shot at the tag gold.
Just like expected, this was a knock-down, drag-out war. Both teams just brutalized each other. The real turning point in the match was near the end when Stuart used a FIREBALL on Sean Gabriel! Sean was able to fight back a bit afterwards, but the harsh reality was the damage was too much, the burns hurt too badly and Stuart put him away with a powerbomb to retain the tag belts for LRI.
Stuart (Powerbomb) Sean Gabriel
Now we have officials helping Sean Gabriel up, and medics attending to him, apparently the burns are a lot worse than imagined. LRI are celebrating their victory, but the fans all seem to be in shock.
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