Manakuro Marakuso walks up to the podium in his suit as he clears his throat, camera flashes going off around them. An olive-skinned man in a black suit is standing next to him as he addresses the crowd, "Thank you all for coming out, I'm going to make this as quick and painless as possible. As we've all seen, the actions of late by La Cosa Nostra members Raymond Bianco, Jr., Richard K. Briggs and Theodore Zannino have been unnacceptable, and I'd even go as far as to say criminal.
"We are here for a few reasons, first of all, the WILD Wrestling Alliance Senior Committee would like to publicly state that these actions are not only deplorable, but they are unacceptable. We have seen La Cosa Nostra members not only refuse to use discretion in their violent acts, but use illegal activities such as extortion, prostitution, distributing drug and drug paraphernalia and blackmail. No members of the WILD Senior Committee will let this stand," he clears his throat again, taking a hard gulp of water and fixes his collar. "We are going to take as strong of precautionary measures as we possibly can, and for the time being that Raymond Bianco, Jr., Richard K. Briggs and Theodore Zannino will all be suspended from action until further notice. There is also an ongoing criminal investigation as to their actions on Saturday Night.
"Furthermore, we have decided to take action against the man appointed to oversee all talent relations and booking activities, Seamus McFadden. Mr. McFadden was placed in a position of power due to his previous position and a contract he had with the company. After the actions of La Cosa Nostra, on top of his inability to properly maintain the needed relations between talent, letting Cerberus members attack the audience, letting the Dods attack Jason Blackhart at will, and McFadden abusing his power, even going as far as to offer a fee for injuring Jason Blackhart to put him out of action. We regret that this had to happen and wish Mr. McFadden the best in his future endeavors. The floor is now open to questions, I'd like to direct any questions regarding the legal matters of La Cosa Nostra to their legal counsel, Mr. Vincent Mancini," he points at the black-suited man standing next to him, who nods.
"Over here," one woman stands up, holding her microphone out. "Mr. McFadden, do we have a status on Mr. Theunk?"
"At this time that is a part of an ongoing criminal investigation," Mancini interrupts. "I maintain my clients' innocence and that there was another man involved whom police should be investigating."
"What?!" A man in a derby hat (yeah, we get WEIRDOS) stands up with his notepad. "Are you saying that not only do your clients have alibis, but proof that another man was involved?"
"Yeah," Mancini scoffs. "Whaddaboudit?"
"Well, I mean Mr. Theunk might be dead for all we know..." The man starts.
"We've been told," Marakuso interrupts. "We've been told by the authorities not to discuss Mr. Theunk's condition, as we must first consult with the familiy before we disclose anything about this sensitive manner, plus there is a criminal investigation into the possible involvement of..."
"Of Sit Kung Fu," Mancini interrupts. Manakuro stares at him, his jaw dropped. "I mean, da 'lil Core-E-Un was at da house, was wit' da Theunk last, an' he ain't got no alibi, while my boys, well, their cases are air-fuckin'-tight."
"So you are telling us that the man that your clients beat senselessly inside of the ring... Was the man that killed the man he was protecting, with damning evidence against your clients?" The reporter asks, dumbfounded.
"Yeah, now whaddaboudit? You got a probl'm wit' dat? Mr. Kung Fu was dere, nobody got no account'a him, an' its irony dat he shows up at the WILD show on Sunday, no? Dat was why my clients decided to teach him a lesson he won't be faggedin' anytime soon."
"But wasn't that senseless violence with intent to murder?" A new reporter, with a cowboy hat and a Goodwill card in the brim asks.
"No, you see, my clients were inside of da WILD ring durin' da incident in discussion, an' while dey are in dat very ring, WILD is solely respons'b'le for what goes on in dat ring. Capice?"
"Uh, capice.." He replies.
"Now dis show is ovah, know what ah mean?"
1.21.2008
WILD TV -- 1.20
WILD TV -- 1.20
WILD TV destroys yet another Sunday night, this time bringing possibly the strongest wrestling card in the more recent history of Pro-Wrestling WILD. After the pleas from Kyle Walker and Juan Leche after MIRYOKO's personal guards have gotten themselves physically involved, they were granted a match with the Ninja Express. What became clear was that the Ninja Express was not to be taken lightly, as they put up quite a fight against two of the premier junior heavyweights here in WILD. It was Ninja tactics to the extreme; nerve holds, strikes and a superior showing of agility. But in the end, it was Leche's submission ability that put down what we suspect was Ninja II (they took every chance to switch up without tagging, the ref unable to tell the difference). Much to their chagrin, neither Billy or MIRYOKO made an appearance, as both Kyle and Juan wanted to rip into them, but it seems that both of them are a little too bright to fall for that.
YUSUKE made his return to action after the hard loss to Spunk at Revolution.08 as he and his longtime partner Shogo Otsuka threw their hat back into the WILD tag division taking on a very tough challenge from Da Busch Boyz, a team that Saturday Night viewers should be well-acquainted with. Fans of WSN should also know just how tough these two can be, and also just how stubborn. Duz had his arm worked over the entire match from both YUSUKE and Shogo, both men trying to cut out his ability to punch freely, as Duz has been known to have KNOCKOUT POWER when he wants to. Appropriately, Duz wears gloves to keep his punches somewhat legal, but after about 25 minutes of having his right arm worked over, his blows were doing little good, so the glove came off. Of course it was this distraction that led to him getting sloppy and trying to throw a big right at Shogo, only for Shogo to catch it and hang from his arm, using the technique he calls the Shogo MAX Cross, forcing the larger Busch Boy to tap out just seconds away from the time limit.
After all of the action we've seen between La Cosa Nostra and the Celtic Bruisers, its no surprise that we saw some fallout from the Bruisers apparently protecting Mr. Hardluck himself, Joey "Knuckles" Doe. This match was at Zannino's request, and we soon figured out why, as it was just endless brutality, with Sit putting up an amazing fight. Sit, the former TV Champ busted out everything that he could, including chairs and a table, the table being tossed out of the ring by Zannino to avoid a possible injury on his end. Zannino was just working Sit over with his fists, though, as Sit was falling apart at the seams, but still was able to bust Zannino open. Well, this just pissed him off even further. I'd like to say that the brass knuckles didn't come into play, but they did. Bianco disrupted the ref, arguing over Sit bringing a chair into the ring, and how 'unfair' that it was. This gave Zannino time to reach into his trunks, put on his brass knux and just t-off on Sit. Sit is bleeding now, and hell, he might have a broken jaw, but Zannino wasn't done. He picked sit up and applied the sleeper nice and tight, squeezing that jaw, which if it wasn't fractured then, it sure as hell is now. Zannino just squeezed the life out of Sit until he passed out, the ref calling for the bell, only Zannino didn't let go. The ref continued to ring the bell, and was trying to pry Zannino's vice-like grip off of Sit's now limp body. The ref keeps trying, but Bianco came in and started to 'talk' to the ref, which brought out a few more refs, only to feel the wrath of a bat from Briggs. These guys don't fuck around, that's for sure. Fans are screaming out now for Zannino to let go of Sit, as Sit has been unconscious for nearly a minute now and could be seriously injured! Zannino finally lets go and Sit falls over into a heap, but this wasn't the end, as we have Zannino continually hitting Sit in the face with the knux, while Briggs joins in and hits him a few times in the knees with the bat, most likely breaking his kneecaps, and to add even further insult to injury, he locks in the Cement Shoes (Sharpshooter) on the passed out, bloody and broken Sit. Finally they relent, letting go of Sit and rolling him out of the ring, while a crew of apprehensive paramedics and agents wheel Sit out, protecting him from any possible additional attack.
Angelo Sabatini had to face what was another obstacle in his way to Dan Sommers as he faced off with resident tough-man Bobo Gomez in a very, very physical match. Both men were just slugging it and tossing it all out; not only hitting each other as hard as they could, but also tossing each other around. Sabatini was foiled again, as Sommers came out and slugged him in the back of the head with a lariat while the ref wasn't looking, then rolling him back in. Bobo made the cover, but Angelo will never say die, he kicks out! The finishing run was a Muso from Gomez, only to pick Sabatini up and using a delay, sloooow brainbuster on Sabatini, then making the cover for the 3-count. Sommers leaves the ringside area with a smile on his face, as he slaps the title on his shoulder and points at both of them.
Jack Dod drew a line in the sand tonight, as he wanted to end this bullshit between the Dods and Los Rudo Infernos. Both Stuart and VD are hurt from the attacks a few weeks ago, but Stuart will not let go of this, as the previous night he attempted to light (well, he did light) the ring on fire! So Jack Dod claimed that to take care of this, he had to do it himself. This match was brutal, as Stuart fought as hard as he could, for an injured man, but Jack Dod was just overwhelming. The first Dodsmack could have easily ended up, but Jack pulled him up after the 2-count, as he was not finished with this. He then went on and just continually slapped the shit out of Stuart.. But did he get too cocky? He was setting Stuart up top, looking for potentially an avalanche Dodsmack (!!!), but Stuart was able to rake him in the eyes and send him crashing to the mat. Stuart, then, ever the daredevil went for a diving elbowdrop, but Jack Dod was quick to move out of the way. He then slaps Stuart across the face and plants him with another Dodsmack, this time just putting one foot on Stuart's chest for the pinfall.
Next we head to the backstage area, as we've learned that all hell has broken loose (well, what else is new), as the Celtic Bruisers have arrived in the arena and found out what happened to Sit and we have ourselves a good oldfashioned, Pro-Wrestling WILD brawl! Sean and Paddy are taking it to Zannino and Briggs, as Bianco attempts to get involved, only for Joey Knuckles to hit him with a giant exhaust hose (think the one for your drier)! All four men are simply beating the ever-living shit out of each other (no, we don't mince words) until we have enough officials to break it up! This has turned volatile in a hurry, thats for sure. It takes a few minutes for this to be broken up, as they have been breaking free and attacking each other.
This leads us to our main event for the evening, as the Cerberus face off against Dante Black and the newly somewhat-reformed DSL (was Dial-Up) Connection of Jason Blackhart and Dave Fairbairn. This match was a total epic, as Brian Lee was as tough as nails and working a good chunk of the match. Tommy tagged himself in and attempted to one-up Lee by being the hero of the match, but ended up getting a monumental beatdown. Dave Fairbairn pulls out the win as he uses the Fatman Slam, and holds noto him with the Fatman Clutch and Fiero taps out like, well, a girl on prom night. Dave, upon the high of a successful return wasn't quick to relent the hold, well, that just pissed Ceberus off, as Brian Lee stormed the ring with a chair and just absolutely unloaded on Fairbairn. This was the sort of chairshot that rings out over an arena and leaves the fans hushed after the initial 'OOOOOOOH!', which is followed by looks of concern. Lee is breathing heavy as he holds the chair, standing menacingly over Fairbairn, throwing the chair down and turning away, feeling he had left his mark. Spunk, Fiero and Lee bail out of the ring, leaving them to digest Dave Fairbairn's successful return, as he lays in a pool of his own blood.
1. Kyle Walker/Juan Leche(O) (27.45 - Leche Stretch) The Ninja Express (Ninja I/Ninja II(X))
2. VIOLENCE (YUSUKE/Shogo Otsuka) (29.30 - Shogo MAX Cross) Da Busch Boyz (Raz/Duz(X))
3. Ted Zannino (21.03 - The Big Sleep(er)) Sit Kwok Fu
4. WILD International Contendership: Bobo Gomez (18.49 - Bobo*Buster) Angelo Sabatini
5. Jack Dod (19.01 - Dodsmack) Stuart Robinson
6. DSL Connection (Jason Blackhart/Dave Fairbairn(O))/Dante Black (43.21 - Fatman Clutch) Cerberus (Spunk/Tommy(X)/Lee)
WILD TV destroys yet another Sunday night, this time bringing possibly the strongest wrestling card in the more recent history of Pro-Wrestling WILD. After the pleas from Kyle Walker and Juan Leche after MIRYOKO's personal guards have gotten themselves physically involved, they were granted a match with the Ninja Express. What became clear was that the Ninja Express was not to be taken lightly, as they put up quite a fight against two of the premier junior heavyweights here in WILD. It was Ninja tactics to the extreme; nerve holds, strikes and a superior showing of agility. But in the end, it was Leche's submission ability that put down what we suspect was Ninja II (they took every chance to switch up without tagging, the ref unable to tell the difference). Much to their chagrin, neither Billy or MIRYOKO made an appearance, as both Kyle and Juan wanted to rip into them, but it seems that both of them are a little too bright to fall for that.
YUSUKE made his return to action after the hard loss to Spunk at Revolution.08 as he and his longtime partner Shogo Otsuka threw their hat back into the WILD tag division taking on a very tough challenge from Da Busch Boyz, a team that Saturday Night viewers should be well-acquainted with. Fans of WSN should also know just how tough these two can be, and also just how stubborn. Duz had his arm worked over the entire match from both YUSUKE and Shogo, both men trying to cut out his ability to punch freely, as Duz has been known to have KNOCKOUT POWER when he wants to. Appropriately, Duz wears gloves to keep his punches somewhat legal, but after about 25 minutes of having his right arm worked over, his blows were doing little good, so the glove came off. Of course it was this distraction that led to him getting sloppy and trying to throw a big right at Shogo, only for Shogo to catch it and hang from his arm, using the technique he calls the Shogo MAX Cross, forcing the larger Busch Boy to tap out just seconds away from the time limit.
After all of the action we've seen between La Cosa Nostra and the Celtic Bruisers, its no surprise that we saw some fallout from the Bruisers apparently protecting Mr. Hardluck himself, Joey "Knuckles" Doe. This match was at Zannino's request, and we soon figured out why, as it was just endless brutality, with Sit putting up an amazing fight. Sit, the former TV Champ busted out everything that he could, including chairs and a table, the table being tossed out of the ring by Zannino to avoid a possible injury on his end. Zannino was just working Sit over with his fists, though, as Sit was falling apart at the seams, but still was able to bust Zannino open. Well, this just pissed him off even further. I'd like to say that the brass knuckles didn't come into play, but they did. Bianco disrupted the ref, arguing over Sit bringing a chair into the ring, and how 'unfair' that it was. This gave Zannino time to reach into his trunks, put on his brass knux and just t-off on Sit. Sit is bleeding now, and hell, he might have a broken jaw, but Zannino wasn't done. He picked sit up and applied the sleeper nice and tight, squeezing that jaw, which if it wasn't fractured then, it sure as hell is now. Zannino just squeezed the life out of Sit until he passed out, the ref calling for the bell, only Zannino didn't let go. The ref continued to ring the bell, and was trying to pry Zannino's vice-like grip off of Sit's now limp body. The ref keeps trying, but Bianco came in and started to 'talk' to the ref, which brought out a few more refs, only to feel the wrath of a bat from Briggs. These guys don't fuck around, that's for sure. Fans are screaming out now for Zannino to let go of Sit, as Sit has been unconscious for nearly a minute now and could be seriously injured! Zannino finally lets go and Sit falls over into a heap, but this wasn't the end, as we have Zannino continually hitting Sit in the face with the knux, while Briggs joins in and hits him a few times in the knees with the bat, most likely breaking his kneecaps, and to add even further insult to injury, he locks in the Cement Shoes (Sharpshooter) on the passed out, bloody and broken Sit. Finally they relent, letting go of Sit and rolling him out of the ring, while a crew of apprehensive paramedics and agents wheel Sit out, protecting him from any possible additional attack.
Angelo Sabatini had to face what was another obstacle in his way to Dan Sommers as he faced off with resident tough-man Bobo Gomez in a very, very physical match. Both men were just slugging it and tossing it all out; not only hitting each other as hard as they could, but also tossing each other around. Sabatini was foiled again, as Sommers came out and slugged him in the back of the head with a lariat while the ref wasn't looking, then rolling him back in. Bobo made the cover, but Angelo will never say die, he kicks out! The finishing run was a Muso from Gomez, only to pick Sabatini up and using a delay, sloooow brainbuster on Sabatini, then making the cover for the 3-count. Sommers leaves the ringside area with a smile on his face, as he slaps the title on his shoulder and points at both of them.
Jack Dod drew a line in the sand tonight, as he wanted to end this bullshit between the Dods and Los Rudo Infernos. Both Stuart and VD are hurt from the attacks a few weeks ago, but Stuart will not let go of this, as the previous night he attempted to light (well, he did light) the ring on fire! So Jack Dod claimed that to take care of this, he had to do it himself. This match was brutal, as Stuart fought as hard as he could, for an injured man, but Jack Dod was just overwhelming. The first Dodsmack could have easily ended up, but Jack pulled him up after the 2-count, as he was not finished with this. He then went on and just continually slapped the shit out of Stuart.. But did he get too cocky? He was setting Stuart up top, looking for potentially an avalanche Dodsmack (!!!), but Stuart was able to rake him in the eyes and send him crashing to the mat. Stuart, then, ever the daredevil went for a diving elbowdrop, but Jack Dod was quick to move out of the way. He then slaps Stuart across the face and plants him with another Dodsmack, this time just putting one foot on Stuart's chest for the pinfall.
Next we head to the backstage area, as we've learned that all hell has broken loose (well, what else is new), as the Celtic Bruisers have arrived in the arena and found out what happened to Sit and we have ourselves a good oldfashioned, Pro-Wrestling WILD brawl! Sean and Paddy are taking it to Zannino and Briggs, as Bianco attempts to get involved, only for Joey Knuckles to hit him with a giant exhaust hose (think the one for your drier)! All four men are simply beating the ever-living shit out of each other (no, we don't mince words) until we have enough officials to break it up! This has turned volatile in a hurry, thats for sure. It takes a few minutes for this to be broken up, as they have been breaking free and attacking each other.
This leads us to our main event for the evening, as the Cerberus face off against Dante Black and the newly somewhat-reformed DSL (was Dial-Up) Connection of Jason Blackhart and Dave Fairbairn. This match was a total epic, as Brian Lee was as tough as nails and working a good chunk of the match. Tommy tagged himself in and attempted to one-up Lee by being the hero of the match, but ended up getting a monumental beatdown. Dave Fairbairn pulls out the win as he uses the Fatman Slam, and holds noto him with the Fatman Clutch and Fiero taps out like, well, a girl on prom night. Dave, upon the high of a successful return wasn't quick to relent the hold, well, that just pissed Ceberus off, as Brian Lee stormed the ring with a chair and just absolutely unloaded on Fairbairn. This was the sort of chairshot that rings out over an arena and leaves the fans hushed after the initial 'OOOOOOOH!', which is followed by looks of concern. Lee is breathing heavy as he holds the chair, standing menacingly over Fairbairn, throwing the chair down and turning away, feeling he had left his mark. Spunk, Fiero and Lee bail out of the ring, leaving them to digest Dave Fairbairn's successful return, as he lays in a pool of his own blood.
1. Kyle Walker/Juan Leche(O) (27.45 - Leche Stretch) The Ninja Express (Ninja I/Ninja II(X))
2. VIOLENCE (YUSUKE/Shogo Otsuka) (29.30 - Shogo MAX Cross) Da Busch Boyz (Raz/Duz(X))
3. Ted Zannino (21.03 - The Big Sleep(er)) Sit Kwok Fu
4. WILD International Contendership: Bobo Gomez (18.49 - Bobo*Buster) Angelo Sabatini
5. Jack Dod (19.01 - Dodsmack) Stuart Robinson
6. DSL Connection (Jason Blackhart/Dave Fairbairn(O))/Dante Black (43.21 - Fatman Clutch) Cerberus (Spunk/Tommy(X)/Lee)
1.19.2008
WILD Saturday Night #13
Winless but still impressive enough in his appearances on Saturday Night to get called back, Bret Stillman returned this week to face the master of the cross arm breaker, Jason Wesley. Wesley has made quite a name for himself on the independent circuit but has yet to reach his full potential in Pro Wrestling WILD, last week being a prime example as he just didn’t have what it took to down Bobo Gomez in International Title ranking play. Both men have been accused of being too tentative in the ring and that showed in this match, with at least ten minutes devoted solely to feeling the other out.
But eventually Wesley exploded with his bigger, more modern moves, threatening to leave Stillman and his more classic approach in the dust. The “Hard Luck Kid” stuck to his game plan though, refusing to give up to arm holds that would make a lesser man howl in submission, continuing to work the knee of Wesley until getting the shocking win – his first in a WILD ring – with the figure-four leglock. Stillman was near to tears after the victory, and whether or not that was due to the pain radiating through the left arm that hanged limply at his side or getting a win in arguably the toughest promotion on the planet is unknown, but it was a touching scene nonetheless.
Unfortunately scenes of pathos such as these are often short lived on Saturday Night, this one ruined by the appearance of the sadistic lunatic Jester, last seen at the side of the legendary Grand Pumudo, he of the 46 World Championship Belts, Lord of the Impossible, vanquisher of the best every continent in the world has to offer. (Including The Penguin Master in the world’s first ever Iceberg Death match off McMurdo Sound, Antarctica) Jester informed all that he was here speaking on the behalf of his lord and master Pumudo, who has it on good authority that the result of the match they just witnessed was fixed to garner sympathy for Stillman, who clearly had not put in as much time training as the superior Jason Wesley!
Referee Gen Hirayama and Stillman both looked absolutely perplexed at this accusation while Wesley raised a suspicious eye from across the ring, shouting over to Jester that he never actually gave up in the preceding match and that the same ref made a fast count in his match against Gomez the week before! Jester responded to this with a high-pitched giggle so abrasive it makes nails on a chalkboard sound pleasant, then saying Pumudo has witnessed what has gone on in WILD for far too long and has tired of it, vowing change and lending an invitation to any that want to join his revolution. Wesley did not hesitate to accept the handshake of Jester, promising retribution to those that had wronged him before leaving for the back. Pumudo, a man whose talent almost matches his gargantuan ego spawning a stable in Pro Wrestling WILD? Good things can not come from this, I assure you!
A backstage interview segment featuring everyone’s favorite sullen little emo kids Melancholia preceded the next match. WILD reporter Holly Holiday stood in stark contrast to shaDow, eDo and their Elvira-esque valets, the latter figuratively shooting daggers with their eyes at the stereotypical California girl as she asked the boys about their decision to disengage from pursuing LRI: just last week seen as the next target for zombification by The Zombie Master.
“We know the dark overlord of the walking dead still desires these phenomenal athletes,” sighed shaDow, clearly disinterested with having to explain his motives. “But they are entwined in an ever-spiraling torrent of violence with The Dods that will leave them broken, shattered, rendered a bloody pulp; of no use to one seeking fresh bodies to recruit.”
“And besides,” chimed in eDo, taking a break from nibbling lazily at the neck of one of his attendants. “We believe our nemesis is targeting someone new, an Italian, who, as we all know, are predisposed to morbid carnage of the flesh eating kind.”
That Italian, as it turns out, is really a Sicilian: Mr. Sicily himself, David DaVinci! Shortly after the brief interview ended Melancholia made their way to the ring for their match against DaVinci and Danny Dynamite, taking quite some time before actually entering the ring to set and light black candles all along the ring side railing. To say the ceremony was ridiculous would be a huge understatement, but Melancholia seemed to feel it helped, easing their minds about any possible interference by a Zombie Master who has not been seen since his charges were violently dispatched at WSN #11, but whose presence was no less felt.
The candles, coupled with the lilting chants of their black robed sirens at ringside, seemed to work amazingly, as Melancholia looked better in this tag match than they ever have, taking out DaVinci early with accomplished double-teaming and weathering a surprising comeback by Dynamite before wearing him out with quick tags and quicker moves. shaDow was the big star here, setting up victory with a suicide bomb and then a side effect before wrapping Dynamite up with a school boy. Frustrated and trying to assess why they have lost two matches in a row now, DaVinci had little time to ponder as he was swarmed by Melancholia and their sirens post-match, prayed upon and then left stunned in the ring, an ashen cross left on his forehead as a parting gift. Weird …
Week after week Duz Busch makes huge gains beyond the wrestler he was just a month ago: big and strong but lacking the stamina or heart to take his game to the next level. Most of us don’t adhere to our New Year’s resolutions but Duz has in spades, threatening to break out as the next big star in WILD! We still have no idea what prompted his newfound love for the sport, but we do know he is dedicated, much to the chagrin of partner Raz Busch and manager Master P, both of whom would much rather he just take the easy way out and concentrate on a burgeoning career as a hip-hop star!
This week Busch took Bobo Gomez up on his offer to give him a rematch for their match at WSN #11, which ended in a count-out. This time around there would be no count-out, practically assuring a decisive finish. In their previous encounter these two knocked the hell out of each other and it was no different here, just two big dudes pasting each other with the best in their arsenals. Clearly Bobo had the advantage in skill but Duz did not let that stop him from fighting on, garnering him a large measure of fan support in the process. By the time this was over Duz had withstood over a half-dozen MUSO’s, scores of Russian haymakers and even two avalanche belly-to-belly suplexes before falling to a final MUSO.
Going in, Bobo Gomez knew that a win would put him in position to challenge for Dan Sommers’ International Heavyweight title, but he didn’t celebrate this, instead helping Duz to his feet and holding his arm high as the crowd cascaded them with approval, all while Master P and Raz looked on jealously from the locker room entrance …
In the fourth match of the night The Lawgivers looked eager to show off their newly revealed heelish approach against Ronnie Dod and Aleks Dodstva, themselves looking forward to making their way back to a rematch against WILD Tag Team Champions The Celtic Bruisers. Even though VD Dod and Fat Lip had been left in a bad way after The Dod’s demolition of LRI the week before, Stuart Robinson’s flaming cricket bat wielding appearance later in the night and victory over Ronnie on Sunday meant this war was far from over, and precautionary steps were taken in the form of Dods patrolling the perimeter of the ring.
But what they hadn’t counted on was the sheer insanity of Stuart Robinson, evidenced when roughly fifteen minutes into the match he made his way down to the ring, a flaming Molotov cocktail in each hand! Both the Lawgivers and Dods looked up from their rousing battle outside the ring to see this madman approach, the flames from the bottles reflecting in his eyes, making him look all the more like the son of Mephistopheles himself. Wisely, they scattered just before Stuart let fly with the Molotovs, both of them landing in the middle of the ring, setting it ablaze with a triumphant WHOOOSH! A fire team rushed to put out the blaze as Stuart ransacked the area, trashing chairs and tables, tossing garbage this way and that while screaming: “Ya want war, d’ya? YA WANT BLOODY WAR?!?!?!” Security restrained and then dragged Stuart towards the back as he ranted, nearly foaming at the mouth with rage the whole way.
Of course a rather lengthy intermission followed as the ring canvas was replaced and the ropes inspected for safety, giving some time for an interview with “The Technical Masterpiece” Paradigm, who discussed his upcoming match with Ted Zannino, the last of three matches with La Cosa Nostra soldiers. “This is it, I win this one and I’m free, no more debt, the Sword of Damocles removed forever,” smiled Paradigm confidently. “And I owe it all to my genius, my ability to face adversity and overcome it with grace, eloquence and good taste. Like the shirt says, baby …”he pointed to his T-Shirt, on which reads his mantra DAMN I’M GOOD.
Paradigm was then asked what would happen with Gilbert Theunk, the man who possesses the incriminating evidence against the Bianco family, evidence that enabled him to blackmail them into giving him the opportunity to fight his way out from their debt. “They’ve promised Theunk and myself will walk away, free men,” said Paradigm, not a trace of doubt in his voice. “As agreed, when I beat Zannino (the interviewer interrupted with an “IF you beat Zannino” to which Paradigm dismissed with a wave of his hand) tonight we arrange to reveal the location of the briefcase holding the evidence. Gilbert leaves said location and they go and pick up the briefcase, end of transaction!”
When asked if he really thinks it’s going to be that easy Paradigm just let out a disgusted PFFFT! “You know, The Bruisers said the same thing, even offered some help watching over Gilbert – something about not wanting professional rivalries to become tragic or some such bullshit, but c’mon, La Cosa Nostra are businessmen, men of their words, and this is nothing but business.”
Shortly thereafter the match took place and Paradigm never looked better, using a rapid fire pace and advanced technical moves to keep Zannino off balance. Zannino was by no means dominated here, quite the opposite, as he is well-grounded in the more technical aspect of the sport himself. But Paradigm was just something else here, a man who could see salvation and was driving madly towards it with wild abandon. But as is the case with an organization the likes of La Cosa Nostra contingency plans are almost always in the offing, this time in the form of a beautiful girl bearing a slight resemblance to one Joey Knuckles …
Waiting for the right moment, just as the referee passed her line of sight, this auburn haired nymph stood from her seat in the front row and let her trenchcoat slide from her shoulders, revealing the kind of body men die for, covered only by the flimsiest of bikini fabric. You’d have to be neutered not to appreciate such beauty and Gen Hirayama was definitely not, stopping dead in his tracks, staring like a lobotomized construction worker while the poor lass uncomfortably shifted her stance, her eyes locked on the ground. The distraction was momentary but it was all Zannino needed, clocking Paradigm from behind with a pair of brass knuckles and then rolling him up in a small package. The girl, who, upon seeing the deed had been done, put her coat back on and silently left the area. Zannino shouted at the ref, who shook off the daze and spun around to make the three count.
Paradigm was then roused from his unconsciousness with a series of hard slaps across the face, as Zannino demanded to know where Theunk and the evidence were. Paradigm laughed and spat at him, saying all bets were off. “I was hoping you’d say that,” laughed Zannino, knocking him back unconscious with another shot from his brass knuckled fist, then throwing him over his shoulder and carrying him to the back.
The Main Event of the evening saw Kyle Walker and MIRYOKO square off for the umpteenth time, although you’d be a fool to complain about that. This is one of those feuds that has gone on for a long time but every match is a doozy, whether one on one or in tag action. Fact is, they hate each other’s guts and lately MIRYOKO has elevated the psychological warfare against his foe to an art form. Kyle had Swedish masseuse Helga Hunkachunk in his corner while MIRYOKO had no one in his, mandated by WILD management but really meaning nothing given that his security team is comprised of ninjas capable of blending in just about anywhere!
Typical fast paced action from these two, with Walker overcoming MIRYOKO’s mid-match dominance to come back in a big way, appearing as if he would cruise towards victory. As expected, the Ninjas then made their move from their hiding place in the audience but what wasn’t anticipated was the presence of WILD Light Heavyweight Champion Juan Leche, disguised as an old man! He quickly attacked one of the ninjas but was then in turn attacked by an old lady who turned out to be Billy Hollywood! My god, how many twists and turns can one match have?!?!
With Leche and Hollywood battling it out in the audience the Ninjas made their move but found their paths impeded by Helga Hunkachunk. What followed wasn’t pretty, as she bounced them around outside the ring with scary ease, the defense so brutal it even caught the attention of yet another easily distracted referee, Martin Roeg. MIRYOKO quickly took advantage, removing his protective hard porcelain mask – revealing the face of possibly the prettiest man ever seen in the process – and whipping it into the side of Kyle’s head, dropping him like a sack of bricks. A Yokosuka cutter later and that was all she wrote, with Walker losing yet again to the vile tactics of MIRYOKO.
MIRYOKO and his Ninjas beat a hasty retreat shortly after the final bell while Hollywood and Leche continued to fight through the audience and Helga helped Kyle to his feet. Once he was awake Kyle absolutely freaked out, pushing Helga away and demanding a microphone: “I’m sick of this shit, week in and week out you hide behind your Ninjas, hide behind your tricks, hide that pretty little face of yours behind that mask MIRYOKO!” he shouted, crimson faced. “I demand an end to this, to do the only thing that might rid WILD of your presence forever. I want a match where you put the mask that protects that precious face ON THE LINE!! In return … I will bargain my hair! HAIR VS MASK, STEEL CAGE … YOU MAN ENOUGH, PUNK?!?!”
Finally, just as the show was closing out we got footage from a small room backstage of Paradigm being woken up with a bucket of ice cold water, Ted Zannino and Raymond Bianco standing over him with big smiles on their faces. Paradigm demanded to be released, saying what they were doing was a crime. Bianco just laughed: “No, you see, you owe us a substantial amount of money Paradigm. A debt you will pay off in servitude.”
Paradigm shook his head in defiance: “No way man, been there, done that. I got shit on you guys that guarantees you don’t tell me what to do ever again.”
“You don’t seem to understand, young Paradigm,” corrected Bianco, lighting a cigarette and flicking the still lit match at his face. “We know where Theunk and the briefcase are, your days of blackmailing the Family are over.”
“Bullshit”, sneered Paradigm.
Bianco just smiled and made a subtle wave at Zannino, who pulled a laptop out of a satchel on the ground and placed it on a table before Paradigm. On the screen was the exterior of a non-descript two story house out in the country; the horrified look on Paradigm’s face said it all: they knew where Gilbert was …
“How …”asked Paradigm softly.
“In the future you should be more emphatic with your Irish friends when telling them you don’t need their assistance,” replied Bianco. “The china man was sent to provide security, he led our finest triggerman right to him.”
And, adding a perfect exclamation point on this chilling turn of events was the fireball that erupted from the house, decimating it completely, leaving nothing but rubble and a dark plume of smoke in its wake …
Bianco patted his hand on the shoulder of Paradigm, who sat shaking, wide-eyed. “Welcome back, Paradigm…”
1) Bret Stillman ~20:42 Figure-Four Leglock~ Jason Wesley
2) Melancholia [shaDow O/ eDo] ~24:20 School Boy~ David DaVinci/ Danny Dynamite X
3) Bobo Gomez ~25:33 MUSO~ Duz Busch
4) The Lawgivers [WILD Bill/ El Justiciero] ~15:38 No Contest~ Ronnie Dod/ Aleks Dodstva
5) Ted Zannino ~16:26 Small Package~ Paradigm
6) MIRYOKO ~20:49 Yokosuka Cutter~ Kyle Walker
But eventually Wesley exploded with his bigger, more modern moves, threatening to leave Stillman and his more classic approach in the dust. The “Hard Luck Kid” stuck to his game plan though, refusing to give up to arm holds that would make a lesser man howl in submission, continuing to work the knee of Wesley until getting the shocking win – his first in a WILD ring – with the figure-four leglock. Stillman was near to tears after the victory, and whether or not that was due to the pain radiating through the left arm that hanged limply at his side or getting a win in arguably the toughest promotion on the planet is unknown, but it was a touching scene nonetheless.
Unfortunately scenes of pathos such as these are often short lived on Saturday Night, this one ruined by the appearance of the sadistic lunatic Jester, last seen at the side of the legendary Grand Pumudo, he of the 46 World Championship Belts, Lord of the Impossible, vanquisher of the best every continent in the world has to offer. (Including The Penguin Master in the world’s first ever Iceberg Death match off McMurdo Sound, Antarctica) Jester informed all that he was here speaking on the behalf of his lord and master Pumudo, who has it on good authority that the result of the match they just witnessed was fixed to garner sympathy for Stillman, who clearly had not put in as much time training as the superior Jason Wesley!
Referee Gen Hirayama and Stillman both looked absolutely perplexed at this accusation while Wesley raised a suspicious eye from across the ring, shouting over to Jester that he never actually gave up in the preceding match and that the same ref made a fast count in his match against Gomez the week before! Jester responded to this with a high-pitched giggle so abrasive it makes nails on a chalkboard sound pleasant, then saying Pumudo has witnessed what has gone on in WILD for far too long and has tired of it, vowing change and lending an invitation to any that want to join his revolution. Wesley did not hesitate to accept the handshake of Jester, promising retribution to those that had wronged him before leaving for the back. Pumudo, a man whose talent almost matches his gargantuan ego spawning a stable in Pro Wrestling WILD? Good things can not come from this, I assure you!
A backstage interview segment featuring everyone’s favorite sullen little emo kids Melancholia preceded the next match. WILD reporter Holly Holiday stood in stark contrast to shaDow, eDo and their Elvira-esque valets, the latter figuratively shooting daggers with their eyes at the stereotypical California girl as she asked the boys about their decision to disengage from pursuing LRI: just last week seen as the next target for zombification by The Zombie Master.
“We know the dark overlord of the walking dead still desires these phenomenal athletes,” sighed shaDow, clearly disinterested with having to explain his motives. “But they are entwined in an ever-spiraling torrent of violence with The Dods that will leave them broken, shattered, rendered a bloody pulp; of no use to one seeking fresh bodies to recruit.”
“And besides,” chimed in eDo, taking a break from nibbling lazily at the neck of one of his attendants. “We believe our nemesis is targeting someone new, an Italian, who, as we all know, are predisposed to morbid carnage of the flesh eating kind.”
That Italian, as it turns out, is really a Sicilian: Mr. Sicily himself, David DaVinci! Shortly after the brief interview ended Melancholia made their way to the ring for their match against DaVinci and Danny Dynamite, taking quite some time before actually entering the ring to set and light black candles all along the ring side railing. To say the ceremony was ridiculous would be a huge understatement, but Melancholia seemed to feel it helped, easing their minds about any possible interference by a Zombie Master who has not been seen since his charges were violently dispatched at WSN #11, but whose presence was no less felt.
The candles, coupled with the lilting chants of their black robed sirens at ringside, seemed to work amazingly, as Melancholia looked better in this tag match than they ever have, taking out DaVinci early with accomplished double-teaming and weathering a surprising comeback by Dynamite before wearing him out with quick tags and quicker moves. shaDow was the big star here, setting up victory with a suicide bomb and then a side effect before wrapping Dynamite up with a school boy. Frustrated and trying to assess why they have lost two matches in a row now, DaVinci had little time to ponder as he was swarmed by Melancholia and their sirens post-match, prayed upon and then left stunned in the ring, an ashen cross left on his forehead as a parting gift. Weird …
Week after week Duz Busch makes huge gains beyond the wrestler he was just a month ago: big and strong but lacking the stamina or heart to take his game to the next level. Most of us don’t adhere to our New Year’s resolutions but Duz has in spades, threatening to break out as the next big star in WILD! We still have no idea what prompted his newfound love for the sport, but we do know he is dedicated, much to the chagrin of partner Raz Busch and manager Master P, both of whom would much rather he just take the easy way out and concentrate on a burgeoning career as a hip-hop star!
This week Busch took Bobo Gomez up on his offer to give him a rematch for their match at WSN #11, which ended in a count-out. This time around there would be no count-out, practically assuring a decisive finish. In their previous encounter these two knocked the hell out of each other and it was no different here, just two big dudes pasting each other with the best in their arsenals. Clearly Bobo had the advantage in skill but Duz did not let that stop him from fighting on, garnering him a large measure of fan support in the process. By the time this was over Duz had withstood over a half-dozen MUSO’s, scores of Russian haymakers and even two avalanche belly-to-belly suplexes before falling to a final MUSO.
Going in, Bobo Gomez knew that a win would put him in position to challenge for Dan Sommers’ International Heavyweight title, but he didn’t celebrate this, instead helping Duz to his feet and holding his arm high as the crowd cascaded them with approval, all while Master P and Raz looked on jealously from the locker room entrance …
In the fourth match of the night The Lawgivers looked eager to show off their newly revealed heelish approach against Ronnie Dod and Aleks Dodstva, themselves looking forward to making their way back to a rematch against WILD Tag Team Champions The Celtic Bruisers. Even though VD Dod and Fat Lip had been left in a bad way after The Dod’s demolition of LRI the week before, Stuart Robinson’s flaming cricket bat wielding appearance later in the night and victory over Ronnie on Sunday meant this war was far from over, and precautionary steps were taken in the form of Dods patrolling the perimeter of the ring.
But what they hadn’t counted on was the sheer insanity of Stuart Robinson, evidenced when roughly fifteen minutes into the match he made his way down to the ring, a flaming Molotov cocktail in each hand! Both the Lawgivers and Dods looked up from their rousing battle outside the ring to see this madman approach, the flames from the bottles reflecting in his eyes, making him look all the more like the son of Mephistopheles himself. Wisely, they scattered just before Stuart let fly with the Molotovs, both of them landing in the middle of the ring, setting it ablaze with a triumphant WHOOOSH! A fire team rushed to put out the blaze as Stuart ransacked the area, trashing chairs and tables, tossing garbage this way and that while screaming: “Ya want war, d’ya? YA WANT BLOODY WAR?!?!?!” Security restrained and then dragged Stuart towards the back as he ranted, nearly foaming at the mouth with rage the whole way.
Of course a rather lengthy intermission followed as the ring canvas was replaced and the ropes inspected for safety, giving some time for an interview with “The Technical Masterpiece” Paradigm, who discussed his upcoming match with Ted Zannino, the last of three matches with La Cosa Nostra soldiers. “This is it, I win this one and I’m free, no more debt, the Sword of Damocles removed forever,” smiled Paradigm confidently. “And I owe it all to my genius, my ability to face adversity and overcome it with grace, eloquence and good taste. Like the shirt says, baby …”he pointed to his T-Shirt, on which reads his mantra DAMN I’M GOOD.
Paradigm was then asked what would happen with Gilbert Theunk, the man who possesses the incriminating evidence against the Bianco family, evidence that enabled him to blackmail them into giving him the opportunity to fight his way out from their debt. “They’ve promised Theunk and myself will walk away, free men,” said Paradigm, not a trace of doubt in his voice. “As agreed, when I beat Zannino (the interviewer interrupted with an “IF you beat Zannino” to which Paradigm dismissed with a wave of his hand) tonight we arrange to reveal the location of the briefcase holding the evidence. Gilbert leaves said location and they go and pick up the briefcase, end of transaction!”
When asked if he really thinks it’s going to be that easy Paradigm just let out a disgusted PFFFT! “You know, The Bruisers said the same thing, even offered some help watching over Gilbert – something about not wanting professional rivalries to become tragic or some such bullshit, but c’mon, La Cosa Nostra are businessmen, men of their words, and this is nothing but business.”
Shortly thereafter the match took place and Paradigm never looked better, using a rapid fire pace and advanced technical moves to keep Zannino off balance. Zannino was by no means dominated here, quite the opposite, as he is well-grounded in the more technical aspect of the sport himself. But Paradigm was just something else here, a man who could see salvation and was driving madly towards it with wild abandon. But as is the case with an organization the likes of La Cosa Nostra contingency plans are almost always in the offing, this time in the form of a beautiful girl bearing a slight resemblance to one Joey Knuckles …
Waiting for the right moment, just as the referee passed her line of sight, this auburn haired nymph stood from her seat in the front row and let her trenchcoat slide from her shoulders, revealing the kind of body men die for, covered only by the flimsiest of bikini fabric. You’d have to be neutered not to appreciate such beauty and Gen Hirayama was definitely not, stopping dead in his tracks, staring like a lobotomized construction worker while the poor lass uncomfortably shifted her stance, her eyes locked on the ground. The distraction was momentary but it was all Zannino needed, clocking Paradigm from behind with a pair of brass knuckles and then rolling him up in a small package. The girl, who, upon seeing the deed had been done, put her coat back on and silently left the area. Zannino shouted at the ref, who shook off the daze and spun around to make the three count.
Paradigm was then roused from his unconsciousness with a series of hard slaps across the face, as Zannino demanded to know where Theunk and the evidence were. Paradigm laughed and spat at him, saying all bets were off. “I was hoping you’d say that,” laughed Zannino, knocking him back unconscious with another shot from his brass knuckled fist, then throwing him over his shoulder and carrying him to the back.
The Main Event of the evening saw Kyle Walker and MIRYOKO square off for the umpteenth time, although you’d be a fool to complain about that. This is one of those feuds that has gone on for a long time but every match is a doozy, whether one on one or in tag action. Fact is, they hate each other’s guts and lately MIRYOKO has elevated the psychological warfare against his foe to an art form. Kyle had Swedish masseuse Helga Hunkachunk in his corner while MIRYOKO had no one in his, mandated by WILD management but really meaning nothing given that his security team is comprised of ninjas capable of blending in just about anywhere!
Typical fast paced action from these two, with Walker overcoming MIRYOKO’s mid-match dominance to come back in a big way, appearing as if he would cruise towards victory. As expected, the Ninjas then made their move from their hiding place in the audience but what wasn’t anticipated was the presence of WILD Light Heavyweight Champion Juan Leche, disguised as an old man! He quickly attacked one of the ninjas but was then in turn attacked by an old lady who turned out to be Billy Hollywood! My god, how many twists and turns can one match have?!?!
With Leche and Hollywood battling it out in the audience the Ninjas made their move but found their paths impeded by Helga Hunkachunk. What followed wasn’t pretty, as she bounced them around outside the ring with scary ease, the defense so brutal it even caught the attention of yet another easily distracted referee, Martin Roeg. MIRYOKO quickly took advantage, removing his protective hard porcelain mask – revealing the face of possibly the prettiest man ever seen in the process – and whipping it into the side of Kyle’s head, dropping him like a sack of bricks. A Yokosuka cutter later and that was all she wrote, with Walker losing yet again to the vile tactics of MIRYOKO.
MIRYOKO and his Ninjas beat a hasty retreat shortly after the final bell while Hollywood and Leche continued to fight through the audience and Helga helped Kyle to his feet. Once he was awake Kyle absolutely freaked out, pushing Helga away and demanding a microphone: “I’m sick of this shit, week in and week out you hide behind your Ninjas, hide behind your tricks, hide that pretty little face of yours behind that mask MIRYOKO!” he shouted, crimson faced. “I demand an end to this, to do the only thing that might rid WILD of your presence forever. I want a match where you put the mask that protects that precious face ON THE LINE!! In return … I will bargain my hair! HAIR VS MASK, STEEL CAGE … YOU MAN ENOUGH, PUNK?!?!”
Finally, just as the show was closing out we got footage from a small room backstage of Paradigm being woken up with a bucket of ice cold water, Ted Zannino and Raymond Bianco standing over him with big smiles on their faces. Paradigm demanded to be released, saying what they were doing was a crime. Bianco just laughed: “No, you see, you owe us a substantial amount of money Paradigm. A debt you will pay off in servitude.”
Paradigm shook his head in defiance: “No way man, been there, done that. I got shit on you guys that guarantees you don’t tell me what to do ever again.”
“You don’t seem to understand, young Paradigm,” corrected Bianco, lighting a cigarette and flicking the still lit match at his face. “We know where Theunk and the briefcase are, your days of blackmailing the Family are over.”
“Bullshit”, sneered Paradigm.
Bianco just smiled and made a subtle wave at Zannino, who pulled a laptop out of a satchel on the ground and placed it on a table before Paradigm. On the screen was the exterior of a non-descript two story house out in the country; the horrified look on Paradigm’s face said it all: they knew where Gilbert was …
“How …”asked Paradigm softly.
“In the future you should be more emphatic with your Irish friends when telling them you don’t need their assistance,” replied Bianco. “The china man was sent to provide security, he led our finest triggerman right to him.”
And, adding a perfect exclamation point on this chilling turn of events was the fireball that erupted from the house, decimating it completely, leaving nothing but rubble and a dark plume of smoke in its wake …
Bianco patted his hand on the shoulder of Paradigm, who sat shaking, wide-eyed. “Welcome back, Paradigm…”
1) Bret Stillman ~20:42 Figure-Four Leglock~ Jason Wesley
2) Melancholia [shaDow O/ eDo] ~24:20 School Boy~ David DaVinci/ Danny Dynamite X
3) Bobo Gomez ~25:33 MUSO~ Duz Busch
4) The Lawgivers [WILD Bill/ El Justiciero] ~15:38 No Contest~ Ronnie Dod/ Aleks Dodstva
5) Ted Zannino ~16:26 Small Package~ Paradigm
6) MIRYOKO ~20:49 Yokosuka Cutter~ Kyle Walker
1.15.2008
1.13 WILD TV
1.13 WILD TV
WILD TV is coming at you like it usually does; hard, fast and with a hint of regret at times. But that is alright, everything is alright, because its Sunday night and most people have to work in the morning (editor's note: This is being written on a Tuesday evening, fuck you). We start things off as the apparent confusion between LRI and the Dod Squad continues, with Stuart Robinson taking on the master of love himself, Ronnie Dod. This match was a tough bout for both men, but it was incredibly stressing on one VD Dod. VD, the most outspoken of the Dods has been rather quiet of late, holding his tongue (rare, I know) at this apparent dissent between his family and his partner, Stuart. Ronnie held his own, but Stuart's lariat was enough to catch Ronnie off-guard and help him score a pinfall. VD was conflicted after the match when Aleks and Iggy came down to attack Stuart, all VD could do was step in between the two warring sides and pull Stuart out, Stuart still livid and wanting to rip all of their heads off. I'd say that 'cooler heads prevailed' but with Stuart, there is no such thing.
We cut up to the backstage area where we see Sit Kwok Fu, as he tries to keep the cameras away from their locker room. But sadly for them, our cameramen have made money off of photos of Britney Spears bloated in a back alley somewhere vomiting up her own placenta, so they know how to be persistent. What we walk into is Sean arguing with a heavily taped/bandaged up Paddy Baker.
Baker: How was I supposed to know there would be somebody there who wants an old man's blood?
Gabriel: I don't bloo'y well care, why ain't an' old'un like you being watched by Korea over here?
Baker: The boy had to have his fun, Sean.
Gabriel: He shoulda been loo'in after you!
Baker: Well you ran off with that sweet little thing, I figured we'd be fine, it was late anyway...
Gabriel: Aye well di'ya see the fuckin' car at least?
*Baker sighs as he holds his ribs in pain*
Baker: Black, Lincoln Continental...
Gabriel: I bloody knew it -- the fuckin' I-Tal-Yuns again! Them an' their black cars an' tinted windows an' cheap suits an'...
Baker: Well its a nice car, I mean..
Gabriel: Enough with the bloody car, this ain't good, does this mean me an' Korea have'ta go it 'lone?
Baker: For now my friend, these tired old bones aren't doing so well..
*Gabriel turns around to see the cameraman and start shouting at him, then slapping Sit upside the head for letting them in*
Gabriel: What in the bloo'y hell you thinking, boy?
*Sit rummages around in his pocket and pulls out some coins, giving them to Sean*
Sit: I.. believe... You'ah.. Like these?
*Gabriel looks at one of them, bites it, then looks down at it, spitting on the ground and tossing it against a locker, clanging*
Gabriel: What in the bloo'y hell do I need a bloo'y Spanish Da-Blun for?! Get your facts straight, Korea.. IRELAND, not Spain. Christ.
Our cameramen are really on top of things, as next we cut up to the La Cosa Nostra locker room, as Zannino and Bianco look pleased with Joey Knuckles.
Joey: So uh, whaddaya think about that?
Zannino: Eh, maybe things be'a lookin' up for ya, knowhadamean?
Joey: Well uh, does this mean my debt is paid back?
*Bianco and Zannino laugh as Zannino slaps Knuckles on the back, hard*
Bianco: Faggedaboutit, alright?
*Joey looks up at Zannino then*
JOey: Faggedaboutit?
Zannino: Yeah, Fagghedabout'it.
Joey: You mean she is free now?
*They laugh again as Bianco grabs Joey by the ear and twists it, Joey screaming out*
Bianco: No, you dipshit. Now I'm gonna say this slowly, Fah-Ged-About-It. We own you, an' we own her sweet little ass too until you find a way ta pay back the Don for his genorosities.
*He lets go as Joey rubs his ear in pain, Zannino and Bianco walk off while Zannino shouts behind him*
Zannino: Maybe she'll get a night off some night, eh? She can spend the night with me instead, eh?
*Bianco laughs*
Biaco: fah-gedaboutit, eh?
The junior division is really on a roll since the tournament to crown a champion, and we saw Billy Hollywood, who happens to be the shortest reigning Junior Heavyweight Champion in WILD's history face off with Kyle Walker. Both men were looking to be impressive here and pull off a big win, and tonight it was the ex-champ's night, but with the usual tom-foolery involved. Kyle fought as hard as he could, but Hollywood wants Leche and wants that title back, as was shown when he pulled a bottle of baby oil out and covered himself in it while MIRYOKO distracted the ref. Kyle tried to Stroke Billy (....), but Billy was too slippery for him, causing Kyle to lose his grip and Billy to hit the Star*Maker on Kyle for the 1...2...3!
From what we saw before, we understand that Paddy Baker will not be competing tonight, due to some 'good deed' by Joey Knuckles, he won't have to compete in this match, and now he is 'rewarded' with a WILD International Heavyweight Championship.. Yeah, I don't know if thats much of a victory for him, or something for him to quiver in fear at. So what we ended up with was a straight tag team match between Sean and Sit and Ted Zannino and Rick Briggs. It was a great tag team match, with Sit being isolated by La Cosa Nostra throughout, but this match was full of surprises, as Zannino pulled out the brass knuckles and Paddy Baker who was at ringside made his prescence felt, and completely shocked La Cosa Nostra, ripping the brace off of his arm and slugging Zannino in the jaw with his right hand, then stun-gunning Briggs against the ropes, Briggs turning right into the Fisherman Suplex by Gabriel for the 3-count! Baker rips off his bandages and starts going to town on La Cosa Nostra! All hell has broken loose, and finally Joey Knuckles helps pull them out of the ring, only to get slugged right in the face by Zannino, as they shout at him that he messed up, that he lied! Knuckles is on his knees now, pleading with them to not hurt him. Zannino is standing over him with the brass knuckles, but Briggs whispers something into his ear, and Zannino lets him go. We hear Zannino shouting at him that tonight he is on his own against Sommers.
Knuckles is backstage now getting looked at by the doctors, preparing him for his match and he is just shaking with fear. Sommers is heading to the ring and the music playing backstage has him even more scared, only for Angelo Sabatini to come up from behind him and offer him some 'protection' for tonight, as he has quite a bone to pick with Sommers. Sabatini didn't exactly help to the degree Knuckles would have liked, as he didn't intrude, just made sure that nothing suspect went on. Sommers completely obliterated Knuckles, finally hoisting him up and delivering the Alabama Nightmare, then covering with one foot for the 1...2...3. Sommers doesn't look pleased, though, as he is going for another.. And Sabatini runs in and nails Sommers with a right hand! Sommers drops Knuckles and they are brawling, spilling out of the ring and into the crowd! This leaves a battered and beaten Knuckles in the ring now.. Uh oh, here come La Cosa Nostra! They look absolutely livid, as Sommers didn't finish the job, and it looks like they are going to do it themselves. Zannino and Bianco with brass knuckles, and Briggs with a baseball bat! They are standing over the fallen Knuckles, and he is just begging them off now, Zannino raises his hand to strike him and HERE COME THE BRUISERS! La Cosa Nostra has bailed, and the Bruisers are dragging Knuckles back with them.
Two of Cerberus, Fiero and Lee faced off with WILD Champion Jason Blackhart and Dante Black in a knock-down-drag-out brawl that went all the way to a thirty-minute draw. None of the four were looking to do anything but kill each other, and it showed. If anything, the fact that JB really doesn't work well with others led to the JB/Dante dynamic not exactly working too well. Lee and Fiero were able to isolate this fact and work them slightly against each other.
The main event is a match that fans have been wanting for a while, as Spunk takes on Jack Dod, the former champion. I'm sure fans would have liked to have seen this under much different circumstances, but tonight it is about two men full of pride and looking to get to the top of the mountain again. Dod taking two losses to Blackhart, and Spunk looking to get a shot at Blackhart, either man could easily find themselves in another title position in a blink depending on the outcome of this match. Both men have been just beating the absolute shit out of each other. There was nothing pretty about this match, as both men were bleeding and just refusing to relent on each other. Spunk actually out-Dod'd Jack Dod, as Jack was looking to distract the ref with ripping the turnbuckle pad off and claiming he can't wrestle with the turnbuckle pad exposed, as it could injure him, he turned around to a low blow from Spunk, followed by a MF-1! That was it, as Spunk made the cover and is awarded the win! Spunk grabs a mic and calls out Blackhart, saying that he laid waste to the former champion, and wants to make this quick and painless.
JB comes out brandishing the title, posing in the entranceway and pointing at Spunk. Well, JB really didn't think this through, as Fiero and Lee rush him from behind, Spunk laughing like a maniac as they stomp down the champ. Spunk rolls out and grabs the title, holding it up high over JB as Fiero and Lee stomp him down. The fans are going nuts as Spunk is posing as the champion and.. Wait! A fan has jumped the barrier as the guards are trying to pull him back, this guy, kinda big, catches one with an elbow, then rolls and nails the other with an elbow! He just laid waste to two big security guards with two precise elbow strikes! Lee laughs as he goes to dispose of the fan (I guess a fan jumping the barrier means its OPEN SEASON on them, eh?), only for him to get a look at who it is, he goes pale and steps back, as Spunk turns around to see who it is, he drops the belt and grabs Fiero, pulling him into the crowd -- they are bailing! Lee turns to see this, then turns back and BOOM -- RIGHT HAND! THAT WAS.. THE FUCKING METSUKEN! DAVE FAIRBAIN JUST LAID BRIAN LEE OUT!
Dave Fairbain.
1. Stuart Robinson (13:29 - Burning Lariat) Ronnie Dod
2. Billy Hollywood (9:49 - Star*Maker) Kyle Walker
3. Sean(O)/Sit (24:55 - Cloverplex) Zannino/Briggs(X)
4. WILD International Heavyweight Championship:Dan Sommers(C) (6:33 - Alabama Nightmare) Joey Knuckles (w/ Angelo Sabatini)
5. Fiero/Lee(O) (30:00 - Draw) JB(X)/Dante
6. Spunk (14:33 - MF-1) Jack Dod
WILD TV is coming at you like it usually does; hard, fast and with a hint of regret at times. But that is alright, everything is alright, because its Sunday night and most people have to work in the morning (editor's note: This is being written on a Tuesday evening, fuck you). We start things off as the apparent confusion between LRI and the Dod Squad continues, with Stuart Robinson taking on the master of love himself, Ronnie Dod. This match was a tough bout for both men, but it was incredibly stressing on one VD Dod. VD, the most outspoken of the Dods has been rather quiet of late, holding his tongue (rare, I know) at this apparent dissent between his family and his partner, Stuart. Ronnie held his own, but Stuart's lariat was enough to catch Ronnie off-guard and help him score a pinfall. VD was conflicted after the match when Aleks and Iggy came down to attack Stuart, all VD could do was step in between the two warring sides and pull Stuart out, Stuart still livid and wanting to rip all of their heads off. I'd say that 'cooler heads prevailed' but with Stuart, there is no such thing.
We cut up to the backstage area where we see Sit Kwok Fu, as he tries to keep the cameras away from their locker room. But sadly for them, our cameramen have made money off of photos of Britney Spears bloated in a back alley somewhere vomiting up her own placenta, so they know how to be persistent. What we walk into is Sean arguing with a heavily taped/bandaged up Paddy Baker.
Baker: How was I supposed to know there would be somebody there who wants an old man's blood?
Gabriel: I don't bloo'y well care, why ain't an' old'un like you being watched by Korea over here?
Baker: The boy had to have his fun, Sean.
Gabriel: He shoulda been loo'in after you!
Baker: Well you ran off with that sweet little thing, I figured we'd be fine, it was late anyway...
Gabriel: Aye well di'ya see the fuckin' car at least?
*Baker sighs as he holds his ribs in pain*
Baker: Black, Lincoln Continental...
Gabriel: I bloody knew it -- the fuckin' I-Tal-Yuns again! Them an' their black cars an' tinted windows an' cheap suits an'...
Baker: Well its a nice car, I mean..
Gabriel: Enough with the bloody car, this ain't good, does this mean me an' Korea have'ta go it 'lone?
Baker: For now my friend, these tired old bones aren't doing so well..
*Gabriel turns around to see the cameraman and start shouting at him, then slapping Sit upside the head for letting them in*
Gabriel: What in the bloo'y hell you thinking, boy?
*Sit rummages around in his pocket and pulls out some coins, giving them to Sean*
Sit: I.. believe... You'ah.. Like these?
*Gabriel looks at one of them, bites it, then looks down at it, spitting on the ground and tossing it against a locker, clanging*
Gabriel: What in the bloo'y hell do I need a bloo'y Spanish Da-Blun for?! Get your facts straight, Korea.. IRELAND, not Spain. Christ.
Our cameramen are really on top of things, as next we cut up to the La Cosa Nostra locker room, as Zannino and Bianco look pleased with Joey Knuckles.
Joey: So uh, whaddaya think about that?
Zannino: Eh, maybe things be'a lookin' up for ya, knowhadamean?
Joey: Well uh, does this mean my debt is paid back?
*Bianco and Zannino laugh as Zannino slaps Knuckles on the back, hard*
Bianco: Faggedaboutit, alright?
*Joey looks up at Zannino then*
JOey: Faggedaboutit?
Zannino: Yeah, Fagghedabout'it.
Joey: You mean she is free now?
*They laugh again as Bianco grabs Joey by the ear and twists it, Joey screaming out*
Bianco: No, you dipshit. Now I'm gonna say this slowly, Fah-Ged-About-It. We own you, an' we own her sweet little ass too until you find a way ta pay back the Don for his genorosities.
*He lets go as Joey rubs his ear in pain, Zannino and Bianco walk off while Zannino shouts behind him*
Zannino: Maybe she'll get a night off some night, eh? She can spend the night with me instead, eh?
*Bianco laughs*
Biaco: fah-gedaboutit, eh?
The junior division is really on a roll since the tournament to crown a champion, and we saw Billy Hollywood, who happens to be the shortest reigning Junior Heavyweight Champion in WILD's history face off with Kyle Walker. Both men were looking to be impressive here and pull off a big win, and tonight it was the ex-champ's night, but with the usual tom-foolery involved. Kyle fought as hard as he could, but Hollywood wants Leche and wants that title back, as was shown when he pulled a bottle of baby oil out and covered himself in it while MIRYOKO distracted the ref. Kyle tried to Stroke Billy (....), but Billy was too slippery for him, causing Kyle to lose his grip and Billy to hit the Star*Maker on Kyle for the 1...2...3!
From what we saw before, we understand that Paddy Baker will not be competing tonight, due to some 'good deed' by Joey Knuckles, he won't have to compete in this match, and now he is 'rewarded' with a WILD International Heavyweight Championship.. Yeah, I don't know if thats much of a victory for him, or something for him to quiver in fear at. So what we ended up with was a straight tag team match between Sean and Sit and Ted Zannino and Rick Briggs. It was a great tag team match, with Sit being isolated by La Cosa Nostra throughout, but this match was full of surprises, as Zannino pulled out the brass knuckles and Paddy Baker who was at ringside made his prescence felt, and completely shocked La Cosa Nostra, ripping the brace off of his arm and slugging Zannino in the jaw with his right hand, then stun-gunning Briggs against the ropes, Briggs turning right into the Fisherman Suplex by Gabriel for the 3-count! Baker rips off his bandages and starts going to town on La Cosa Nostra! All hell has broken loose, and finally Joey Knuckles helps pull them out of the ring, only to get slugged right in the face by Zannino, as they shout at him that he messed up, that he lied! Knuckles is on his knees now, pleading with them to not hurt him. Zannino is standing over him with the brass knuckles, but Briggs whispers something into his ear, and Zannino lets him go. We hear Zannino shouting at him that tonight he is on his own against Sommers.
Knuckles is backstage now getting looked at by the doctors, preparing him for his match and he is just shaking with fear. Sommers is heading to the ring and the music playing backstage has him even more scared, only for Angelo Sabatini to come up from behind him and offer him some 'protection' for tonight, as he has quite a bone to pick with Sommers. Sabatini didn't exactly help to the degree Knuckles would have liked, as he didn't intrude, just made sure that nothing suspect went on. Sommers completely obliterated Knuckles, finally hoisting him up and delivering the Alabama Nightmare, then covering with one foot for the 1...2...3. Sommers doesn't look pleased, though, as he is going for another.. And Sabatini runs in and nails Sommers with a right hand! Sommers drops Knuckles and they are brawling, spilling out of the ring and into the crowd! This leaves a battered and beaten Knuckles in the ring now.. Uh oh, here come La Cosa Nostra! They look absolutely livid, as Sommers didn't finish the job, and it looks like they are going to do it themselves. Zannino and Bianco with brass knuckles, and Briggs with a baseball bat! They are standing over the fallen Knuckles, and he is just begging them off now, Zannino raises his hand to strike him and HERE COME THE BRUISERS! La Cosa Nostra has bailed, and the Bruisers are dragging Knuckles back with them.
Two of Cerberus, Fiero and Lee faced off with WILD Champion Jason Blackhart and Dante Black in a knock-down-drag-out brawl that went all the way to a thirty-minute draw. None of the four were looking to do anything but kill each other, and it showed. If anything, the fact that JB really doesn't work well with others led to the JB/Dante dynamic not exactly working too well. Lee and Fiero were able to isolate this fact and work them slightly against each other.
The main event is a match that fans have been wanting for a while, as Spunk takes on Jack Dod, the former champion. I'm sure fans would have liked to have seen this under much different circumstances, but tonight it is about two men full of pride and looking to get to the top of the mountain again. Dod taking two losses to Blackhart, and Spunk looking to get a shot at Blackhart, either man could easily find themselves in another title position in a blink depending on the outcome of this match. Both men have been just beating the absolute shit out of each other. There was nothing pretty about this match, as both men were bleeding and just refusing to relent on each other. Spunk actually out-Dod'd Jack Dod, as Jack was looking to distract the ref with ripping the turnbuckle pad off and claiming he can't wrestle with the turnbuckle pad exposed, as it could injure him, he turned around to a low blow from Spunk, followed by a MF-1! That was it, as Spunk made the cover and is awarded the win! Spunk grabs a mic and calls out Blackhart, saying that he laid waste to the former champion, and wants to make this quick and painless.
JB comes out brandishing the title, posing in the entranceway and pointing at Spunk. Well, JB really didn't think this through, as Fiero and Lee rush him from behind, Spunk laughing like a maniac as they stomp down the champ. Spunk rolls out and grabs the title, holding it up high over JB as Fiero and Lee stomp him down. The fans are going nuts as Spunk is posing as the champion and.. Wait! A fan has jumped the barrier as the guards are trying to pull him back, this guy, kinda big, catches one with an elbow, then rolls and nails the other with an elbow! He just laid waste to two big security guards with two precise elbow strikes! Lee laughs as he goes to dispose of the fan (I guess a fan jumping the barrier means its OPEN SEASON on them, eh?), only for him to get a look at who it is, he goes pale and steps back, as Spunk turns around to see who it is, he drops the belt and grabs Fiero, pulling him into the crowd -- they are bailing! Lee turns to see this, then turns back and BOOM -- RIGHT HAND! THAT WAS.. THE FUCKING METSUKEN! DAVE FAIRBAIN JUST LAID BRIAN LEE OUT!
Dave Fairbain.
1. Stuart Robinson (13:29 - Burning Lariat) Ronnie Dod
2. Billy Hollywood (9:49 - Star*Maker) Kyle Walker
3. Sean(O)/Sit (24:55 - Cloverplex) Zannino/Briggs(X)
4. WILD International Heavyweight Championship:Dan Sommers(C) (6:33 - Alabama Nightmare) Joey Knuckles (w/ Angelo Sabatini)
5. Fiero/Lee(O) (30:00 - Draw) JB(X)/Dante
6. Spunk (14:33 - MF-1) Jack Dod
1.12.2008
WILD Saturday Night #12
Frustrated with MIRYOKO for the latest in a long line of attacks against him, Kyle Walker vowed shortly after the conclusion of WSN #11 to amp up his training regimen in preparation for an as-of-yet-to-be-scheduled rematch. The young Walker has really plumbed the depths of humiliation against the Japanese uber-model, so it shouldn’t come as any surprise that he’s willing to take advice from any party; anything that will give him the edge!
This week assistance came in the form of the Fabulous Flying Llamas, who – along with Swedish masseuse Helga Hunkachunk – accompanied Walker to the ring for his match against 50 Centavos. Apparently the brothers Llamas feel Walker needs to delve deeper into his flamboyant side and coached him appropriately, encouraging more sashaying, limp-wristedness and contrived flying moves. Unfortunately 50 Centavos is not MIRYOKO, and responded to Kyle’s ungainly attempts at Karat-ghey with the same mix of brawling and high-flying that won him the light heavyweight title in the promotion revered by HGH injected lesbian hentai enthusiasts the world over.
By the time Kyle angrily dismissed the advice of the Llamas and reverted to the style that won him the 2007 Pro Wrestling Weekly Rookie of the Year award it was too late, his stamina reserves drained, leaving him wide open for a ring shaking Muso that continued his losing streak. Immediately after losing Walker cussed out the Llamas, telling them he never wanted to see them again, sparking an argument between the three brothers over just who was responsible for the coaching failure. Shocked and alone save for the shoulder-kneading presence of Helga Hunkachunk (bearing more than a passing resemblance to Conchata Ferrell of Two and a Half Men fame), Kyle made his way to the back, appearing completely at a loss. So confident a month ago, it seems the mind games of MIRYOKO are beginning to take a toll!
David DaVinci and Danny Dynamite were back in tag action after Dynamite proved himself against a heavyweight last week, that man being Wild Bill, who was also back this week seeking revenge with partner El Justiciero by his side! The self-proclaimed Lawgivers – paragons of honor, watchdogs of truth – surprised every one in attendance not five minutes in by turning their backs on the same rules they have fought so hard to enforce on WILD Saturday Night, their hypocrisy marked (probably not coincidently) by the early dominance of DaVinci and Dynamite.
From there on out Wild Bill and El Justiciero proved to be just as adept at getting away with cheating as they did snitching on others doing the same, getting the win on Dynamite with an El Justiciero backslide after Wild Bill stunned him with a mule kick to the family jewels. In a brief post-match interview Lawgiver WILD Bill (making a point to accentuate the use of caps in his first name) responded to criticism that his team had turned on the values they fought so hard to uphold since the beginning of WILD Saturday Night by saying “Only after you’ve mastered the rules as thoroughly as we have are you free to break them at will!”
A bizarre, pre-taped interview segment followed, with Melancholia reporting in from what appeared to be a trendy coffee bar, complete with all the gothic accoutrements: mock Victorian era furniture, dim, red lighting, faded gold leaf wallpaper; like something out of an Anne Rice novel. With Sigur Ros playing softly in the background vampiric beauty queens knelt at their feet, lovingly applying elaborate henna tattoos while shaDow and eDo sipped espresso with all the conviction of death row inmates hours away from execution. Yeah, I know … whatever.
“Last week we shocked your world by bringing the horror of ours to your doorstep. We apologize for subjecting you to a layer of the dark you never should have seen,” droned shaDow, sipping the too hot espresso and reacting to it with a squeaky OW.
“Unfortunately there are those out there, ebon agents of despair, who will stop at nothing to envelop the world of light, your world, in the terror of death,” continued eDo, lazily brushing hair out of eyes. “We may dwell without choice in this place of ennui but do not wish it upon you, o sons and daughters of Apollo.”
“In order to protect you all we must put our accursed talent to good use, to see the dark that you-who-walk-in-light cannot,” shaDow softly said, absent-mindedly stroking his burned lower lip. “The Zombie Master may have lost his agents but strives to begin anew, to reap new somnambulists from the field of battle, ready to make war on those-that-breathe-life.”
“It was with great reluctance that we seek battle with Zombie Master’s newest targets,” eDo said, his voice pained and hesitant as he let the silken hair of one of the tattoo artists fall through his fingers. “Stuart Robinson, Fat Lip and VD Dod. The Zombie Master is no fool, has seen their pain after losing the tag team titles, the war with Clan Dod that they are on the brink of beginning. This is a tribe ripe for conversion, and if we do not make our move now then WILD, the very world itself, will suffer the pain of the undead Los Rudos Infernos!”
Which leads us to the next match, the weird challenge accepted without hesitation by LRI, who after being involved in some really nasty battles over the course of the last few months appeared eager to get in a good workout. Melancholia put on a spirited show here but were really off their game after having faced nothing but shambling zombies over the course of their last several matches. LRI worked their typical match with lots of weaponry and complete disregard for the rules, scaring the living hell out of referee Martin Roeg by threatening his family if he ever dared to so much as initiate a five-count for weapons use. This was vintage LRI, with victory eventually coming by way of a VD Dod silencer on shaDow.
But the fun was hardly over even after the final bell rang, with LRI continuing to humiliate Melancholia. Fat Lip grabbed a tablecloth off the timekeepers table and fashioned a cloak out of it, stumbling about in mock zombie steps while moaning “Emoooooo! Emooooooo!” Meanwhile, in the ring Stuart and VD took great delight in wiping off the makeup on shaDow and eDo’s face with spit, mussing up their hair, delivering Indian burns and giving them hot feet with dozens of matches at once. It appeared LRI were on top of the world, completely giddy, lost in the moment and oblivious to what was coming next … the Army of Dod itself!!
With no warning Caleb, Ronnie, Iggy and Aleks Dodstva charged the ring and laid waste in blitzkrieg fashion, taking no more than a few minutes but, in that time, delivering one of the more brutal beatings ever witnessed in a WILD ring. By the time security arrived to break it up the Dods were already on their way to the back, patting each other on the back and laughing proudly while shocked onlookers struggled to process what they just saw.
A brief intermission of sorts followed as paramedics carefully removed the beaten bodies of LRI, only Stuart having the wherewithal to struggle against his bonds and attempt to escape, to exact vengeance, only to be forced back onto his gurney by concerned medical officials. It was learned that, during this time, a furious member of the board of directors, already under fire for the controversial un-death match from a week before, suspended Caleb and Ronnie Dod on the spot for leading an assault “so brutal it threatens to lead to the FCC revoking our broadcast license”. Considering the fifth match of the night was a very important rankings match for tag title consideration involving the Dods and Da Busch Boyz, this was a costly suspension indeed!
And so, in light of what just occurred the next match came as a bit of salvation, a technical masterpiece made all the more amazing considering Bobo Gomez was one of its participants! Indie stud Jason Wesley made his first WSN appearance in quite some time, forcing the brawl happy Gomez into a wrestling match whether he wanted to or not, concentrating on the arm as he is known for and appearing as if he would score the upset on this top contender for the WILD International Heavyweight Championship! In the end though Gomez’s strength advantage proved too much and he put away Wesley with a superplex into a Muso into an Original Brainbuster, getting cheers from the fans and a handshake from Wesley afterwards.
With the events of the Dods and LRI taking up a large portion of the program Da Busch Boyz were rushed out quickly after the conclusion of the previous match, forcing an encounter between Duz Busch and Bobo Gomez, who was making his way towards the back. Surprisingly – given their wild fight last week - no blows were exchanged, not even a harsh look, as Bobo shook his head in appreciation of Duz while giving him a friendly pat on the back! This exchange did not sit well with Raz Busch or Master P, though, evidence by the glare they shot the departing Bobo and the ribbing they gave Duz for “fraternizing with the enemy”.
Next Iggy Dod and Aleks Dodstva made their way to the ring, strangely not suspended for their role in the attack on LRI earlier in the night, but perhaps this was to prove a point to the Dod army as a whole: that “lesser talents” like these two were incapable of success without their Dod superiors. Iggy and Aleks didn’t fare too poorly, however, keeping this tag match interesting right until the very end, when the trickery of Da Busch Boyz won out, courtesy of a coordinated attack by Master P and Raz Busch; P swinging a platinum record into the back of the head of the irish-whipped Dodstva while Raz struck from the front with a flying kneel kick.
Despite victory and an assured higher ranking in the tag division Duz Busch publicly called out Raz and Master P, telling them he’s tired of having to use tricks to win matches, that both he and his brother are more than capable of winning on their own merits if they just train hard, eat right, etc etc etc. This led to a huge argument, one that the Dods decided they should capitalize on but just as they started to advance on the unwary Busch Boyz who should come from the back but a bandaged, bruised and still bleeding Stuart Robinson! A flaming cricket bat with barbed wire wrapped around it held high above his head, Stuart limped with purpose towards his enemies, sending them scattering like cowards through the crowd! Stuart Robinson may not have gotten vengeance on this day, but he’s shown the Dods he ain’t going down without a fight!!!
The main event was a repeat of the scenario involving Paradigm and La Cosa Nostra from last week, with Paradigm demanding a chance to earn his financial freedom by battling his way through Raymond Bianco Jr.’s soldiers one by one. Normally La Cosa Nostra would just steamroll Paradigm for failing to pay his debts, but it just so happens that Paradigm’s ally Gilbert Theunk is in possession of evidence that could send the Bianco family to prison for a very long time! Last week, after Paradigm defeated the first mafia soldier - Joey Knuckles -Ted Zannino and Rick Briggs made an effort to tail him to the hidden location of Theunk and the evidence, but were attacked by the Celtic Bruisers en route, that attack then paid back on Sunday night against Baker, courtesy of a pair of brass knuckles!
So this week Paradigm took on the second of the three La Cosa Nostra members he has to battle through: Rick Briggs. With no seconds allowed at ringside this one was definitely in the favor of the technically refined Paradigm, who took a bit of punishment by way of Briggs concrete like punches but, overall, overwhelmed him with pure wrestling skill. However La Cosa Nostra are nothing if not crafty, working around the “no seconds” rule by planting Joey Knuckles in the audience as a peanut vendor. When it appeared Paradigm was set to go over in this one Knuckles made his move, working towards the front row where he threw a bag of loaded peanuts at the head of Paradigm, only to miss, catching Briggs right behind the ear. A final cut later and Paradigm had his victory, slipping off into the crowd before giving anyone a chance tail him.
After the match in a backstage interview Knuckles was on the receiving end of a verbal raping by Bianco, Zannino and Briggs, told he is incompetent, his daughter threatened and then told he has one more chance to prove himself or else “it’s curtains, see.” Knuckles begged and pleaded for forgiveness, on his knees bawling and shaking with fear for his family and his own life. Bianco stepped up and began patting him softly on the head: “First, there is punishment. Through mutual friends I have secured a match for you tomorrow against WILD International Heavyweight Champion Dan Sommers. If you’re lucky he will end the match quickly. This is for failing me this week.”
“Oh God no, anyone but him,” begged Knuckles, lower lip quivering, his hands clasped in prayer.
Bianco ignored him and handed him a postcard sized piece of paper. “On this piece of paper is the address of an enemy of the family,” he grinned, snakelike. “I would like you to pay them a visit and instruct them in the finer points of Bianco hospitality. You don’t want to fail, Mr. Knuckles. Capisce?”
Shaking, tears streaking down his face, the beaten shell of a man that is Joey Knuckles just lowered his head and shook it slowly up in down, understanding his task – and the ramifications of failing it - quite clearly …
1) 50 Centavos ~17:11 Muso~ Kyle Walker
2) The Lawgivers [WILD Bill/ El Justiciero O] ~22:11 Backslide Hold~ David DaVinci/ Danny Dynamite X
3) LRI [VD Dod O/ Stuart Robinson] ~18:17 Silencer~ Melancholia [shaDow X/ eDo]
4) Bobo Gomez ~18:07 Original Brainbuster~ Jason Wesley
5) Da Busch Boyz [Duz Busch/ Raz Busch O] ~24:58 Flying Kneel Kick~ Dod “B” Team [Aleks Dodstva X/ Iggy Dod]
6) Paradigm ~14:39 Final Cut~ Rick Briggs
This week assistance came in the form of the Fabulous Flying Llamas, who – along with Swedish masseuse Helga Hunkachunk – accompanied Walker to the ring for his match against 50 Centavos. Apparently the brothers Llamas feel Walker needs to delve deeper into his flamboyant side and coached him appropriately, encouraging more sashaying, limp-wristedness and contrived flying moves. Unfortunately 50 Centavos is not MIRYOKO, and responded to Kyle’s ungainly attempts at Karat-ghey with the same mix of brawling and high-flying that won him the light heavyweight title in the promotion revered by HGH injected lesbian hentai enthusiasts the world over.
By the time Kyle angrily dismissed the advice of the Llamas and reverted to the style that won him the 2007 Pro Wrestling Weekly Rookie of the Year award it was too late, his stamina reserves drained, leaving him wide open for a ring shaking Muso that continued his losing streak. Immediately after losing Walker cussed out the Llamas, telling them he never wanted to see them again, sparking an argument between the three brothers over just who was responsible for the coaching failure. Shocked and alone save for the shoulder-kneading presence of Helga Hunkachunk (bearing more than a passing resemblance to Conchata Ferrell of Two and a Half Men fame), Kyle made his way to the back, appearing completely at a loss. So confident a month ago, it seems the mind games of MIRYOKO are beginning to take a toll!
David DaVinci and Danny Dynamite were back in tag action after Dynamite proved himself against a heavyweight last week, that man being Wild Bill, who was also back this week seeking revenge with partner El Justiciero by his side! The self-proclaimed Lawgivers – paragons of honor, watchdogs of truth – surprised every one in attendance not five minutes in by turning their backs on the same rules they have fought so hard to enforce on WILD Saturday Night, their hypocrisy marked (probably not coincidently) by the early dominance of DaVinci and Dynamite.
From there on out Wild Bill and El Justiciero proved to be just as adept at getting away with cheating as they did snitching on others doing the same, getting the win on Dynamite with an El Justiciero backslide after Wild Bill stunned him with a mule kick to the family jewels. In a brief post-match interview Lawgiver WILD Bill (making a point to accentuate the use of caps in his first name) responded to criticism that his team had turned on the values they fought so hard to uphold since the beginning of WILD Saturday Night by saying “Only after you’ve mastered the rules as thoroughly as we have are you free to break them at will!”
A bizarre, pre-taped interview segment followed, with Melancholia reporting in from what appeared to be a trendy coffee bar, complete with all the gothic accoutrements: mock Victorian era furniture, dim, red lighting, faded gold leaf wallpaper; like something out of an Anne Rice novel. With Sigur Ros playing softly in the background vampiric beauty queens knelt at their feet, lovingly applying elaborate henna tattoos while shaDow and eDo sipped espresso with all the conviction of death row inmates hours away from execution. Yeah, I know … whatever.
“Last week we shocked your world by bringing the horror of ours to your doorstep. We apologize for subjecting you to a layer of the dark you never should have seen,” droned shaDow, sipping the too hot espresso and reacting to it with a squeaky OW.
“Unfortunately there are those out there, ebon agents of despair, who will stop at nothing to envelop the world of light, your world, in the terror of death,” continued eDo, lazily brushing hair out of eyes. “We may dwell without choice in this place of ennui but do not wish it upon you, o sons and daughters of Apollo.”
“In order to protect you all we must put our accursed talent to good use, to see the dark that you-who-walk-in-light cannot,” shaDow softly said, absent-mindedly stroking his burned lower lip. “The Zombie Master may have lost his agents but strives to begin anew, to reap new somnambulists from the field of battle, ready to make war on those-that-breathe-life.”
“It was with great reluctance that we seek battle with Zombie Master’s newest targets,” eDo said, his voice pained and hesitant as he let the silken hair of one of the tattoo artists fall through his fingers. “Stuart Robinson, Fat Lip and VD Dod. The Zombie Master is no fool, has seen their pain after losing the tag team titles, the war with Clan Dod that they are on the brink of beginning. This is a tribe ripe for conversion, and if we do not make our move now then WILD, the very world itself, will suffer the pain of the undead Los Rudos Infernos!”
Which leads us to the next match, the weird challenge accepted without hesitation by LRI, who after being involved in some really nasty battles over the course of the last few months appeared eager to get in a good workout. Melancholia put on a spirited show here but were really off their game after having faced nothing but shambling zombies over the course of their last several matches. LRI worked their typical match with lots of weaponry and complete disregard for the rules, scaring the living hell out of referee Martin Roeg by threatening his family if he ever dared to so much as initiate a five-count for weapons use. This was vintage LRI, with victory eventually coming by way of a VD Dod silencer on shaDow.
But the fun was hardly over even after the final bell rang, with LRI continuing to humiliate Melancholia. Fat Lip grabbed a tablecloth off the timekeepers table and fashioned a cloak out of it, stumbling about in mock zombie steps while moaning “Emoooooo! Emooooooo!” Meanwhile, in the ring Stuart and VD took great delight in wiping off the makeup on shaDow and eDo’s face with spit, mussing up their hair, delivering Indian burns and giving them hot feet with dozens of matches at once. It appeared LRI were on top of the world, completely giddy, lost in the moment and oblivious to what was coming next … the Army of Dod itself!!
With no warning Caleb, Ronnie, Iggy and Aleks Dodstva charged the ring and laid waste in blitzkrieg fashion, taking no more than a few minutes but, in that time, delivering one of the more brutal beatings ever witnessed in a WILD ring. By the time security arrived to break it up the Dods were already on their way to the back, patting each other on the back and laughing proudly while shocked onlookers struggled to process what they just saw.
A brief intermission of sorts followed as paramedics carefully removed the beaten bodies of LRI, only Stuart having the wherewithal to struggle against his bonds and attempt to escape, to exact vengeance, only to be forced back onto his gurney by concerned medical officials. It was learned that, during this time, a furious member of the board of directors, already under fire for the controversial un-death match from a week before, suspended Caleb and Ronnie Dod on the spot for leading an assault “so brutal it threatens to lead to the FCC revoking our broadcast license”. Considering the fifth match of the night was a very important rankings match for tag title consideration involving the Dods and Da Busch Boyz, this was a costly suspension indeed!
And so, in light of what just occurred the next match came as a bit of salvation, a technical masterpiece made all the more amazing considering Bobo Gomez was one of its participants! Indie stud Jason Wesley made his first WSN appearance in quite some time, forcing the brawl happy Gomez into a wrestling match whether he wanted to or not, concentrating on the arm as he is known for and appearing as if he would score the upset on this top contender for the WILD International Heavyweight Championship! In the end though Gomez’s strength advantage proved too much and he put away Wesley with a superplex into a Muso into an Original Brainbuster, getting cheers from the fans and a handshake from Wesley afterwards.
With the events of the Dods and LRI taking up a large portion of the program Da Busch Boyz were rushed out quickly after the conclusion of the previous match, forcing an encounter between Duz Busch and Bobo Gomez, who was making his way towards the back. Surprisingly – given their wild fight last week - no blows were exchanged, not even a harsh look, as Bobo shook his head in appreciation of Duz while giving him a friendly pat on the back! This exchange did not sit well with Raz Busch or Master P, though, evidence by the glare they shot the departing Bobo and the ribbing they gave Duz for “fraternizing with the enemy”.
Next Iggy Dod and Aleks Dodstva made their way to the ring, strangely not suspended for their role in the attack on LRI earlier in the night, but perhaps this was to prove a point to the Dod army as a whole: that “lesser talents” like these two were incapable of success without their Dod superiors. Iggy and Aleks didn’t fare too poorly, however, keeping this tag match interesting right until the very end, when the trickery of Da Busch Boyz won out, courtesy of a coordinated attack by Master P and Raz Busch; P swinging a platinum record into the back of the head of the irish-whipped Dodstva while Raz struck from the front with a flying kneel kick.
Despite victory and an assured higher ranking in the tag division Duz Busch publicly called out Raz and Master P, telling them he’s tired of having to use tricks to win matches, that both he and his brother are more than capable of winning on their own merits if they just train hard, eat right, etc etc etc. This led to a huge argument, one that the Dods decided they should capitalize on but just as they started to advance on the unwary Busch Boyz who should come from the back but a bandaged, bruised and still bleeding Stuart Robinson! A flaming cricket bat with barbed wire wrapped around it held high above his head, Stuart limped with purpose towards his enemies, sending them scattering like cowards through the crowd! Stuart Robinson may not have gotten vengeance on this day, but he’s shown the Dods he ain’t going down without a fight!!!
The main event was a repeat of the scenario involving Paradigm and La Cosa Nostra from last week, with Paradigm demanding a chance to earn his financial freedom by battling his way through Raymond Bianco Jr.’s soldiers one by one. Normally La Cosa Nostra would just steamroll Paradigm for failing to pay his debts, but it just so happens that Paradigm’s ally Gilbert Theunk is in possession of evidence that could send the Bianco family to prison for a very long time! Last week, after Paradigm defeated the first mafia soldier - Joey Knuckles -Ted Zannino and Rick Briggs made an effort to tail him to the hidden location of Theunk and the evidence, but were attacked by the Celtic Bruisers en route, that attack then paid back on Sunday night against Baker, courtesy of a pair of brass knuckles!
So this week Paradigm took on the second of the three La Cosa Nostra members he has to battle through: Rick Briggs. With no seconds allowed at ringside this one was definitely in the favor of the technically refined Paradigm, who took a bit of punishment by way of Briggs concrete like punches but, overall, overwhelmed him with pure wrestling skill. However La Cosa Nostra are nothing if not crafty, working around the “no seconds” rule by planting Joey Knuckles in the audience as a peanut vendor. When it appeared Paradigm was set to go over in this one Knuckles made his move, working towards the front row where he threw a bag of loaded peanuts at the head of Paradigm, only to miss, catching Briggs right behind the ear. A final cut later and Paradigm had his victory, slipping off into the crowd before giving anyone a chance tail him.
After the match in a backstage interview Knuckles was on the receiving end of a verbal raping by Bianco, Zannino and Briggs, told he is incompetent, his daughter threatened and then told he has one more chance to prove himself or else “it’s curtains, see.” Knuckles begged and pleaded for forgiveness, on his knees bawling and shaking with fear for his family and his own life. Bianco stepped up and began patting him softly on the head: “First, there is punishment. Through mutual friends I have secured a match for you tomorrow against WILD International Heavyweight Champion Dan Sommers. If you’re lucky he will end the match quickly. This is for failing me this week.”
“Oh God no, anyone but him,” begged Knuckles, lower lip quivering, his hands clasped in prayer.
Bianco ignored him and handed him a postcard sized piece of paper. “On this piece of paper is the address of an enemy of the family,” he grinned, snakelike. “I would like you to pay them a visit and instruct them in the finer points of Bianco hospitality. You don’t want to fail, Mr. Knuckles. Capisce?”
Shaking, tears streaking down his face, the beaten shell of a man that is Joey Knuckles just lowered his head and shook it slowly up in down, understanding his task – and the ramifications of failing it - quite clearly …
1) 50 Centavos ~17:11 Muso~ Kyle Walker
2) The Lawgivers [WILD Bill/ El Justiciero O] ~22:11 Backslide Hold~ David DaVinci/ Danny Dynamite X
3) LRI [VD Dod O/ Stuart Robinson] ~18:17 Silencer~ Melancholia [shaDow X/ eDo]
4) Bobo Gomez ~18:07 Original Brainbuster~ Jason Wesley
5) Da Busch Boyz [Duz Busch/ Raz Busch O] ~24:58 Flying Kneel Kick~ Dod “B” Team [Aleks Dodstva X/ Iggy Dod]
6) Paradigm ~14:39 Final Cut~ Rick Briggs
1.06.2008
1.6.08 -- WILD TV
1.6.08 -- WILD TV
HEY! It WILD TV time yet again! We kick things off with a big rematch from WILD Resolution.08, as Kyle Walker has his shot at vengeance at MIRYOKO for that loss. Kyle Walker through everything that he had at MIRYOKO, but the odds were simply against him here tonight, as the Ninja Express is always around, even if they aren't visible. This much rang true later on in the match, as Kyle Walker was perched up top, waiting to catch MIRYOKO when he stands up, only for a member of the Ninja Express to just pop up from the first row and he just tossed a shuriken! Shuriken to the ass of Kyle Walker! Kyle flies face-first onto the mat! MIRYOKO staggers to his feet and he locks in the Tight Fit! Kyle Walker has been forced to tap out here!
The second match of the evening is a strange one at that, as Spunk is facing off with his former mentor, Manakuro Marakuso. Spunk pinned YUSUKE at WILD Resolution.08, but it wasn't quite the most decisive victory ever. At this point, Spunk just looks like he is ready to rip somebody's head off, as he is not pleased with himself for not destroying YUSUKE. Marakuso has been retired for a while now, and is not in the best shape of his career, but he stepped up to take this match when he found out Spunk was looking for a match tonight. The match did not start off the way that Spunk wanted to, as he was seeing red and just charging in blindly, which puts him right into a series of stretches from the vet, Marakuso. Honestly, this wasn't the best thing for Marakuso, either, as soon as Spunk got the chance for a comeback, he did, and he didn't mince his actions -- he just went from 0 to 60 in half a second, landing a jumping high kick on Marakuso! Marakuso staggering around on the mat as Spunk charges at him as he is getting up, nailing him with a Saikyo Face Kick!! Marakuso is out of it, but Spunk doesn't look like he is done, as he is heading outside, and is trying to wrestle a chair from a fan, they are refusing to let go of it, and Spunk spits in the fan's face! The fan lets go and Spunk gets that look in his eyes as he stares at the fan, clenching the chair.. Oh no.. Oh no.. He isn't going to, is he? Marakuso is trying to claw his way out there to stop this, as Spunk looks over and sees this, a sadistic smile crosses Spunk's face as he winds up, then... Hands the chair back to the fan, wagging his finger at Marakuso as he walks back in, stomping on Marakuso, then picking him up and planting him with the MF-1! He makes a cocky cover and 1.........2...........3, this one is way over. Spunk getting right in Marakuso's face and is shouting at him, shouting that Marakuso can't predict what he'll do. Spunk then asks for a mic and calls out the champ, Jason Blackhart, telling him that the display he just put on should be concerning him as long as he is wearing that belt.
Now we go backstage, as we find Tommy Fiero and Brian Lee looking like they are up to no good as usual. And.. Uh oh, it looks like Fiero isn't happy with what happened in his match with Dante Black last Sunday, as both men barge into Dante's dressing room, only for a girl to scream out. We hear some muffled voices and Brian Lee walks out, as he stands in front of the door, preventing our camera crews from getting back there, and folks, we have no clue what is going on here... But Fiero just walked out of the dressing room with a teenage girl with what looks like a t-shirt over her head flung over his shoulder, he shouts at Lee for them to get out of there and both take off, as we are confused and concerned over who that girl was and what they were doing with her.
The next match is another stop on the road for revenge for Angelo Sabatini, who was out of action for weeks with a fractured jaw, and he is looking to take that International Heavyweight Championship off of Dan Sommers. This stop was HOCK, Sommers's tag team partner here in WILD, and this match was crazy, with HOCK just looking to go nuts (obviously), and Sabatini trying to slow the match down with some holds, working over the back of HOCK. HOCK's no-nonsense style ended up costing him the match, as Sabatini, emotional from being out for so long and looking to just destroy anything in his path. Sabatini grabbed a hold of HOCK with a bear hug and just refused to let go, locking it in so tight that HOCK actually passed out!
We cut back to backstage, as we catch up with Dante as he is sprinting back to his locker room, only to run in and right back out, cursing as he accosters crew members around the area asking where his sister is! There are no real answers for him, as nobody was on the scene when Fiero was there, so Dante takes off, going room by room calling for his sister... This isn't good.
After that, we have one half of the Tag Team Champions, a beaten and battered Paddy Baker, facing off with Ted Zannino of La Cosa Nostra. For those of you following WILD Saturday Night, you know of the rich history La Cosa Nostra has with the Celtic Bruisers, especially Paddy Baker. It went as far as to Baker's Mid-Continental Championship disappearing, with LCN has the main suspects. This match was like a throw back to the 80's and felt like it was coming from the Dallas Sportatorium in World Class, as both men were all bout hurting each other, stretching each other and making the other one hurt. Things were looking up for Baker as he locked in a sleeper hold, Zannino's own hold on Zannino, but Zannino was able to fight his way to the ropes. Things broke down as it headed to the outside. Baker is setting Zannino up for the Inverted Piledriver, and this could be curtains, but Bianco is on the apron, screaming at the ref and here comes Rick Briggs! Briggs clips the knee of Baker, and he just slipped something to Zannino! Briggs runs off at the scolding of new head ref Monitor, to regroup with Bianco, and while he is distracted Zannino just flattens Baker with some brass knuckles! Zannino rolls back inside and.. Well, this one is over, Paddy Baker has been counted out! La Cosa Nostra is putting the boots to Baker now, and here comes Sean Gabriel and Sit for the save! La Cosa Nostra are quick to bail out, as the tag champs collect themselves.
We catch up with Dante Black yet again, as he is still going room to room, and finally he comes across Brian Lee out in front of an unmarked room, and Dante doesn't stop to ask questions, just launches an all-out assault! We have a brawl breaking loose here, and they end up in the room as Fiero is standing over the girl, bound to the chair, screaming at her, only to be surprised by Lee and Dante brawling into the room. Lee slams Dante's head against a locker and Dante is busted wide open. He pulls himself up and sees his sister tied up in a chair with a Tommy Fiero t-shirt pulled down over her face, and, well, he sees green. I don't know if we've ever seen Dante Black like this before, as he just exploded! Dante is tipping lockers over, ripped the bench out from its bolts in the ground as Lee and Fiero have gotten out of the room. Dante is livid as officials are coming in trying to diffuse this, untying his sister and calming him down, and Dante is shouting that he wants both of them in a match tonight, he doesn't care about the odds, he just wants them both in that ring tonight! It looks like we have ourselves a handicap match later tonight!
From here we enter a huge rematch from Resolution.08, as Juan Leche gets another shot at the WILD Junior Heavyweight Championship against the newly crowned champion, Billy Hollywood. Billy barely pulls off the win at the PPV with a frankensteiner over a disheartened Juan Leche. This match started off at the same pace as the last one, with Hollywood looking to slow down and insult Leche, while Juan looking to keep himself flying or stretching Billy. Leche was truly 'on' tonight, as just about every high risk move he attempted was able to connect, notably a big twisting senton early on, and a springboard frankensteiner on Billy! Hollywood connected with a few Hollywood Drivers, but Leche kicked out of the first, and got his hand on the ropes for the second, leaving Hollywood upset at what he has to do to put Leche down this time. Hollywood going for the Star*Maker, but Leche slips out, still holding his arm and twists him up into a magistral cradle! 1!!! 2!! 3!! HE GOT HIM! HE GOT HIM! Leche got him! Hollywood is screaming at the ref as MIRYOKO and the Ninja Express are on the apron arguing with the officials, but Juan Leche has won, as Leche bails out of the ring with the title in hand, Leche falling to his knees on the ramp staring down at the title -- JUAN LECHE HAS WON THE JUNIOR HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP! The look on Billy Hollywood's face is one that is hard to describe here; it is one of both disappointment and a sadistic smile. I fear for what Hollywood's retort will be to this match...
One has to feel for Dante Black, but at the same time, getting tied up with Tommy Fiero does lead to these sort of situations. Fiero, a snake by all means will do anything to get what he wants, the same with Lee. Fiero is furious for what he calls a 'fluke' loss at the hands of Dante at the PPV, and this is his way of getting Dante's attention, well, he got his attention alright! This match saw Dante try to fight with valor, but the odds were just against him. He still got in some offense, but it was always getting cut off by Lee, until finally Lee hits the LSD on Black and Fiero pushes Lee out of the way, scrambling to scream in Dante's ear and lock on the Lock of Rock, forcing Dante to tap out to the hold. Lee is leaning back against the turnbuckle, watching it unfold as Dante has tapped out now, and Fiero refuses to let go of the hold, the ref is trying to pull him off, but Lee quickly tosses him out of the ring. More officials are coming out now, and Lee is keeping them all at bay as Fiero is making a huge statement with this sickle hold on Dante! Finally he lets go and Dante is just limp on the mat. Both men take off through the crowd as the locker room is emptying now trying to chase them off, and this is just not a pretty scene here, folks.
Now for the big one, again.. A huge, huge, huge rematch, as Jason Blackhart was able to disassemble the champ, Jack Dod at the PPV, finally hitting the Decepticon Driver on Dod and after months of chasing, concussions and hardship, Jason Blackhart is the new Unified WILD Heavyweight Champion! This, folks, is the result of Jack Dod's rematch clause. Jack Dod, livid at the loss quickly called for thsi rematch from Blackhart, and JB, fearless as he could be with the title in his possession was quick to accept. The match started off with Jack Dod refusing to wait for the bell, but this tactic against a man like Jason Blackhart might not be the best idea, as he quickly gets caught with a chokeslam and JB quickly locks in that Moose Strangulation! He isn't going for the win, he is just trying to piss off Dod, as Dod quickly scrambles to the ropes, clutching at his neck after JB lets go. Dod trying to recover as he reaches into his tights and pulls something out, this can't be good, and JB gets caught with what looked like a fork as he is trying to pick Dod up! JB is gushing blood now! Jack takes him up for a big stalling suplex and gets a 2 count on the champ. Jack is firmly in control now, but its JB fighting back with rights and lefts! JB flips Jack Dod off and quickly rolls him up with a schoolboy!! 1!!! 2!!! NOOOOOOOOO Jack Dod kicks out! We are 10 minutes in now and we have the Champ a bloody mess and Jack Dod frustrated.
Jack Dod tries to pick himself up, and JB has him in the corner and is raining down with headbutts on him, taking Jack to one knee, then finally down onto his back. JB with a few stomps for good measure on Jack Dod, as he picks Dod up, only for Dod to hit him right in the BOZAC with his fist while the ref was out of position! Jack Dod tosses JB against the ropes and SMACKS him with a back elbow. This is the pace that Jack Dod likes, as Dod makes a cover for only a 2 count. He picks JB up and slaps him across the face, well, that was dumb, as JB slaps him back and picks him up, bringing him crashing down onto his knee. JB, never one to allow a moment to dance to go to waste does the Simpsons Christmas Boogie! JB turns around to find Jack Dod running at him full speed and taking him down with a neckbreaker! Jack picks JB up, and slaps him across the face, and JB with a chop, only for Jack to kick him in the gut.. Kick -- Wham -- DODSMACK! He lays over the champ for the cover! 1...........2..........2.99999999!! Jack Dod cannot believe this! Jason Blackhart is truly immortal! Jack Dod is wasting time arguing with the ref here, he has Blackhart down he should capitolize, he turns around -- KICK -- WHAM -- STUNNER! STUNNER! 1!! 2!! 2.9999999999~!!!! The intensity of this match is just as much as it was at the PPV, as neither man is backing down! Both men off of the ropes, charging at each other and both lariating each other! Neither man goes down, JB calls for it again, and Jack Dod ducks it this time, and he follows up with a low dropkick! Jack Dod lets out a big WHOOO as he grabs the leg and locks in the Four Figure Leg Lock! He has it locked in, and JB is trying to claw his way to the ropes! Jack Dod is trying to pull him back, but JB is a fighter.. And JB gets to the ropes! Jack Dod has things at his pace again, just like he wants as he sends JB crashing down again with a side russian leg sweep. He sends JB to the ropes, but JB holds on, reverses and Jack off the ropes, and JB with a choke now! JB has lost it and is just choking away at Jack Dod!
Monitor shows why he was brought in to do this job, as he pulls JB off of the former champ and both men are back up. Both men are just slugging it out now, JB with some chops, Jack with a few fists, Jack with a schoolboy!!! 1!!! 2!!! NO~! JB KICKS OUT! JB quickly grabs Jack by the tights and flings him outside! JB quick to follow and backdrop suplex out on the floor! Jack Dod is crying out in pain as the Champ rolls back in, waiting for Dod to regain himself, Jack slowly pulling himself into the ring. He walks right back in to a big shoulderbreaker! JB exhibiting his raw power there as Dod's shoulder comes crashing across that big knee. WHOOOO~! Senton! The bloody JB calls for Dod to get up, as Dod fights his way up, only to get a huge kesa giri chop to the skull, knocking him right back down! He is calling for Dod to come back up, and Jack Dod with another low blow! That's one way to do it! He follows up with a big lariat and points at his head, he is calling for this one to be over, as he is going for the Four Figure Leg Lock again! He starts to turn -- AND JB BOOTS HIM INTO THE TURNBUCKLE! Jack Dod going face first into the turnbuckle, he turns around -- AND RIGHT INTO THE DECEPTICON DRIVER! DD! JB drapes himself over Dod for the cover.. 1......2...........3!!! Its over! JB has retained the Unified Wild Heavyweight Championship here tonight in what was an amazing display from both men! JB calls for a Dr. Pepper, and the timekeeper tosses him one.
JB knocking back a couple of cold ones in the ring as the fans are all on their feet saluting the UWH Champion! There is a commotion in the crowd and a fan has just jumped over the barrier, wait.. Thats no.. He's in the ring.. High Kick on the Champ! That Spunk, what the hell is he doing!? He is calling for JB to get up, JB is slowly sitting him, trying to recompose himself, already a bloody mess and Spunk off the ropes and nails him with the running SFK!! this is not good.. This is not good! JB is completely laid out and vulnerable, officials are trying to come out, but Lee and Fiero are on the ramp treating every one that tries to come down with a fist to the face.. Jason Blackhart is just a bloodied heap in the middle of the ring, I don't know what Spunk is trying to prove here.. But he has proved it, just leave the champ alone already! JB is staggering up to his feet, pulling himself up with the ropes, falling back into the corner on jello legs, and Spunk charges right at him with a running high kick! He pushes JB up, perching him up on the top rope and.. Dear lord, what the hell is he planning on doing!? He climbs up and he makes a throat cutting motion, what is he going for!? He is hooking JB for a superplex it looks like, this isn't good, this isn't goo.. He has him up -- AND OH DEAR FUCKING LORD HE JUST BROUGHT THE CHAMP CRASHING HEADFIRST DOWN ONTO THE MAT! That was just sick, that is one of the sickest moves we've seen here in a long, long time, he just spiked Jason Blackhart to the mat. JB is completely out of it! Spunk stands over JB, putting one foot on his chest and grabbing a can of Dr. Pepper, popping it open and pouring it on JB's carcass as he flips him off, and what a visual for us to fade out on!
1. MIRYOKO (13:40 - Tight Fit) Kyle Walker
2. Spunk (4:22 - MF-1) Manakuro Marakuso
3. Angelo Sabatini (14:34 - Bear Hug) HOCK
4. Ted Zannino (25:34 - Count Out) Paddy Baker
5. Pro-Wrestling WILD Junior Heavyweight Championship: Juan Leche (17:49 - La Magistral) Billy Hollywood (C)
6. Tommy Fiero(O)/Brian Lee (11:03 - Lock of Rock) Dante Black
7. Unified Wild Heavyweight Championship: Jason Blackhart(C) (18:11 - Decepticon Driver) Jack Dod
HEY! It WILD TV time yet again! We kick things off with a big rematch from WILD Resolution.08, as Kyle Walker has his shot at vengeance at MIRYOKO for that loss. Kyle Walker through everything that he had at MIRYOKO, but the odds were simply against him here tonight, as the Ninja Express is always around, even if they aren't visible. This much rang true later on in the match, as Kyle Walker was perched up top, waiting to catch MIRYOKO when he stands up, only for a member of the Ninja Express to just pop up from the first row and he just tossed a shuriken! Shuriken to the ass of Kyle Walker! Kyle flies face-first onto the mat! MIRYOKO staggers to his feet and he locks in the Tight Fit! Kyle Walker has been forced to tap out here!
The second match of the evening is a strange one at that, as Spunk is facing off with his former mentor, Manakuro Marakuso. Spunk pinned YUSUKE at WILD Resolution.08, but it wasn't quite the most decisive victory ever. At this point, Spunk just looks like he is ready to rip somebody's head off, as he is not pleased with himself for not destroying YUSUKE. Marakuso has been retired for a while now, and is not in the best shape of his career, but he stepped up to take this match when he found out Spunk was looking for a match tonight. The match did not start off the way that Spunk wanted to, as he was seeing red and just charging in blindly, which puts him right into a series of stretches from the vet, Marakuso. Honestly, this wasn't the best thing for Marakuso, either, as soon as Spunk got the chance for a comeback, he did, and he didn't mince his actions -- he just went from 0 to 60 in half a second, landing a jumping high kick on Marakuso! Marakuso staggering around on the mat as Spunk charges at him as he is getting up, nailing him with a Saikyo Face Kick!! Marakuso is out of it, but Spunk doesn't look like he is done, as he is heading outside, and is trying to wrestle a chair from a fan, they are refusing to let go of it, and Spunk spits in the fan's face! The fan lets go and Spunk gets that look in his eyes as he stares at the fan, clenching the chair.. Oh no.. Oh no.. He isn't going to, is he? Marakuso is trying to claw his way out there to stop this, as Spunk looks over and sees this, a sadistic smile crosses Spunk's face as he winds up, then... Hands the chair back to the fan, wagging his finger at Marakuso as he walks back in, stomping on Marakuso, then picking him up and planting him with the MF-1! He makes a cocky cover and 1.........2...........3, this one is way over. Spunk getting right in Marakuso's face and is shouting at him, shouting that Marakuso can't predict what he'll do. Spunk then asks for a mic and calls out the champ, Jason Blackhart, telling him that the display he just put on should be concerning him as long as he is wearing that belt.
Now we go backstage, as we find Tommy Fiero and Brian Lee looking like they are up to no good as usual. And.. Uh oh, it looks like Fiero isn't happy with what happened in his match with Dante Black last Sunday, as both men barge into Dante's dressing room, only for a girl to scream out. We hear some muffled voices and Brian Lee walks out, as he stands in front of the door, preventing our camera crews from getting back there, and folks, we have no clue what is going on here... But Fiero just walked out of the dressing room with a teenage girl with what looks like a t-shirt over her head flung over his shoulder, he shouts at Lee for them to get out of there and both take off, as we are confused and concerned over who that girl was and what they were doing with her.
The next match is another stop on the road for revenge for Angelo Sabatini, who was out of action for weeks with a fractured jaw, and he is looking to take that International Heavyweight Championship off of Dan Sommers. This stop was HOCK, Sommers's tag team partner here in WILD, and this match was crazy, with HOCK just looking to go nuts (obviously), and Sabatini trying to slow the match down with some holds, working over the back of HOCK. HOCK's no-nonsense style ended up costing him the match, as Sabatini, emotional from being out for so long and looking to just destroy anything in his path. Sabatini grabbed a hold of HOCK with a bear hug and just refused to let go, locking it in so tight that HOCK actually passed out!
We cut back to backstage, as we catch up with Dante as he is sprinting back to his locker room, only to run in and right back out, cursing as he accosters crew members around the area asking where his sister is! There are no real answers for him, as nobody was on the scene when Fiero was there, so Dante takes off, going room by room calling for his sister... This isn't good.
After that, we have one half of the Tag Team Champions, a beaten and battered Paddy Baker, facing off with Ted Zannino of La Cosa Nostra. For those of you following WILD Saturday Night, you know of the rich history La Cosa Nostra has with the Celtic Bruisers, especially Paddy Baker. It went as far as to Baker's Mid-Continental Championship disappearing, with LCN has the main suspects. This match was like a throw back to the 80's and felt like it was coming from the Dallas Sportatorium in World Class, as both men were all bout hurting each other, stretching each other and making the other one hurt. Things were looking up for Baker as he locked in a sleeper hold, Zannino's own hold on Zannino, but Zannino was able to fight his way to the ropes. Things broke down as it headed to the outside. Baker is setting Zannino up for the Inverted Piledriver, and this could be curtains, but Bianco is on the apron, screaming at the ref and here comes Rick Briggs! Briggs clips the knee of Baker, and he just slipped something to Zannino! Briggs runs off at the scolding of new head ref Monitor, to regroup with Bianco, and while he is distracted Zannino just flattens Baker with some brass knuckles! Zannino rolls back inside and.. Well, this one is over, Paddy Baker has been counted out! La Cosa Nostra is putting the boots to Baker now, and here comes Sean Gabriel and Sit for the save! La Cosa Nostra are quick to bail out, as the tag champs collect themselves.
We catch up with Dante Black yet again, as he is still going room to room, and finally he comes across Brian Lee out in front of an unmarked room, and Dante doesn't stop to ask questions, just launches an all-out assault! We have a brawl breaking loose here, and they end up in the room as Fiero is standing over the girl, bound to the chair, screaming at her, only to be surprised by Lee and Dante brawling into the room. Lee slams Dante's head against a locker and Dante is busted wide open. He pulls himself up and sees his sister tied up in a chair with a Tommy Fiero t-shirt pulled down over her face, and, well, he sees green. I don't know if we've ever seen Dante Black like this before, as he just exploded! Dante is tipping lockers over, ripped the bench out from its bolts in the ground as Lee and Fiero have gotten out of the room. Dante is livid as officials are coming in trying to diffuse this, untying his sister and calming him down, and Dante is shouting that he wants both of them in a match tonight, he doesn't care about the odds, he just wants them both in that ring tonight! It looks like we have ourselves a handicap match later tonight!
From here we enter a huge rematch from Resolution.08, as Juan Leche gets another shot at the WILD Junior Heavyweight Championship against the newly crowned champion, Billy Hollywood. Billy barely pulls off the win at the PPV with a frankensteiner over a disheartened Juan Leche. This match started off at the same pace as the last one, with Hollywood looking to slow down and insult Leche, while Juan looking to keep himself flying or stretching Billy. Leche was truly 'on' tonight, as just about every high risk move he attempted was able to connect, notably a big twisting senton early on, and a springboard frankensteiner on Billy! Hollywood connected with a few Hollywood Drivers, but Leche kicked out of the first, and got his hand on the ropes for the second, leaving Hollywood upset at what he has to do to put Leche down this time. Hollywood going for the Star*Maker, but Leche slips out, still holding his arm and twists him up into a magistral cradle! 1!!! 2!! 3!! HE GOT HIM! HE GOT HIM! Leche got him! Hollywood is screaming at the ref as MIRYOKO and the Ninja Express are on the apron arguing with the officials, but Juan Leche has won, as Leche bails out of the ring with the title in hand, Leche falling to his knees on the ramp staring down at the title -- JUAN LECHE HAS WON THE JUNIOR HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP! The look on Billy Hollywood's face is one that is hard to describe here; it is one of both disappointment and a sadistic smile. I fear for what Hollywood's retort will be to this match...
One has to feel for Dante Black, but at the same time, getting tied up with Tommy Fiero does lead to these sort of situations. Fiero, a snake by all means will do anything to get what he wants, the same with Lee. Fiero is furious for what he calls a 'fluke' loss at the hands of Dante at the PPV, and this is his way of getting Dante's attention, well, he got his attention alright! This match saw Dante try to fight with valor, but the odds were just against him. He still got in some offense, but it was always getting cut off by Lee, until finally Lee hits the LSD on Black and Fiero pushes Lee out of the way, scrambling to scream in Dante's ear and lock on the Lock of Rock, forcing Dante to tap out to the hold. Lee is leaning back against the turnbuckle, watching it unfold as Dante has tapped out now, and Fiero refuses to let go of the hold, the ref is trying to pull him off, but Lee quickly tosses him out of the ring. More officials are coming out now, and Lee is keeping them all at bay as Fiero is making a huge statement with this sickle hold on Dante! Finally he lets go and Dante is just limp on the mat. Both men take off through the crowd as the locker room is emptying now trying to chase them off, and this is just not a pretty scene here, folks.
Now for the big one, again.. A huge, huge, huge rematch, as Jason Blackhart was able to disassemble the champ, Jack Dod at the PPV, finally hitting the Decepticon Driver on Dod and after months of chasing, concussions and hardship, Jason Blackhart is the new Unified WILD Heavyweight Champion! This, folks, is the result of Jack Dod's rematch clause. Jack Dod, livid at the loss quickly called for thsi rematch from Blackhart, and JB, fearless as he could be with the title in his possession was quick to accept. The match started off with Jack Dod refusing to wait for the bell, but this tactic against a man like Jason Blackhart might not be the best idea, as he quickly gets caught with a chokeslam and JB quickly locks in that Moose Strangulation! He isn't going for the win, he is just trying to piss off Dod, as Dod quickly scrambles to the ropes, clutching at his neck after JB lets go. Dod trying to recover as he reaches into his tights and pulls something out, this can't be good, and JB gets caught with what looked like a fork as he is trying to pick Dod up! JB is gushing blood now! Jack takes him up for a big stalling suplex and gets a 2 count on the champ. Jack is firmly in control now, but its JB fighting back with rights and lefts! JB flips Jack Dod off and quickly rolls him up with a schoolboy!! 1!!! 2!!! NOOOOOOOOO Jack Dod kicks out! We are 10 minutes in now and we have the Champ a bloody mess and Jack Dod frustrated.
Jack Dod tries to pick himself up, and JB has him in the corner and is raining down with headbutts on him, taking Jack to one knee, then finally down onto his back. JB with a few stomps for good measure on Jack Dod, as he picks Dod up, only for Dod to hit him right in the BOZAC with his fist while the ref was out of position! Jack Dod tosses JB against the ropes and SMACKS him with a back elbow. This is the pace that Jack Dod likes, as Dod makes a cover for only a 2 count. He picks JB up and slaps him across the face, well, that was dumb, as JB slaps him back and picks him up, bringing him crashing down onto his knee. JB, never one to allow a moment to dance to go to waste does the Simpsons Christmas Boogie! JB turns around to find Jack Dod running at him full speed and taking him down with a neckbreaker! Jack picks JB up, and slaps him across the face, and JB with a chop, only for Jack to kick him in the gut.. Kick -- Wham -- DODSMACK! He lays over the champ for the cover! 1...........2..........2.99999999!! Jack Dod cannot believe this! Jason Blackhart is truly immortal! Jack Dod is wasting time arguing with the ref here, he has Blackhart down he should capitolize, he turns around -- KICK -- WHAM -- STUNNER! STUNNER! 1!! 2!! 2.9999999999~!!!! The intensity of this match is just as much as it was at the PPV, as neither man is backing down! Both men off of the ropes, charging at each other and both lariating each other! Neither man goes down, JB calls for it again, and Jack Dod ducks it this time, and he follows up with a low dropkick! Jack Dod lets out a big WHOOO as he grabs the leg and locks in the Four Figure Leg Lock! He has it locked in, and JB is trying to claw his way to the ropes! Jack Dod is trying to pull him back, but JB is a fighter.. And JB gets to the ropes! Jack Dod has things at his pace again, just like he wants as he sends JB crashing down again with a side russian leg sweep. He sends JB to the ropes, but JB holds on, reverses and Jack off the ropes, and JB with a choke now! JB has lost it and is just choking away at Jack Dod!
Monitor shows why he was brought in to do this job, as he pulls JB off of the former champ and both men are back up. Both men are just slugging it out now, JB with some chops, Jack with a few fists, Jack with a schoolboy!!! 1!!! 2!!! NO~! JB KICKS OUT! JB quickly grabs Jack by the tights and flings him outside! JB quick to follow and backdrop suplex out on the floor! Jack Dod is crying out in pain as the Champ rolls back in, waiting for Dod to regain himself, Jack slowly pulling himself into the ring. He walks right back in to a big shoulderbreaker! JB exhibiting his raw power there as Dod's shoulder comes crashing across that big knee. WHOOOO~! Senton! The bloody JB calls for Dod to get up, as Dod fights his way up, only to get a huge kesa giri chop to the skull, knocking him right back down! He is calling for Dod to come back up, and Jack Dod with another low blow! That's one way to do it! He follows up with a big lariat and points at his head, he is calling for this one to be over, as he is going for the Four Figure Leg Lock again! He starts to turn -- AND JB BOOTS HIM INTO THE TURNBUCKLE! Jack Dod going face first into the turnbuckle, he turns around -- AND RIGHT INTO THE DECEPTICON DRIVER! DD! JB drapes himself over Dod for the cover.. 1......2...........3!!! Its over! JB has retained the Unified Wild Heavyweight Championship here tonight in what was an amazing display from both men! JB calls for a Dr. Pepper, and the timekeeper tosses him one.
JB knocking back a couple of cold ones in the ring as the fans are all on their feet saluting the UWH Champion! There is a commotion in the crowd and a fan has just jumped over the barrier, wait.. Thats no.. He's in the ring.. High Kick on the Champ! That Spunk, what the hell is he doing!? He is calling for JB to get up, JB is slowly sitting him, trying to recompose himself, already a bloody mess and Spunk off the ropes and nails him with the running SFK!! this is not good.. This is not good! JB is completely laid out and vulnerable, officials are trying to come out, but Lee and Fiero are on the ramp treating every one that tries to come down with a fist to the face.. Jason Blackhart is just a bloodied heap in the middle of the ring, I don't know what Spunk is trying to prove here.. But he has proved it, just leave the champ alone already! JB is staggering up to his feet, pulling himself up with the ropes, falling back into the corner on jello legs, and Spunk charges right at him with a running high kick! He pushes JB up, perching him up on the top rope and.. Dear lord, what the hell is he planning on doing!? He climbs up and he makes a throat cutting motion, what is he going for!? He is hooking JB for a superplex it looks like, this isn't good, this isn't goo.. He has him up -- AND OH DEAR FUCKING LORD HE JUST BROUGHT THE CHAMP CRASHING HEADFIRST DOWN ONTO THE MAT! That was just sick, that is one of the sickest moves we've seen here in a long, long time, he just spiked Jason Blackhart to the mat. JB is completely out of it! Spunk stands over JB, putting one foot on his chest and grabbing a can of Dr. Pepper, popping it open and pouring it on JB's carcass as he flips him off, and what a visual for us to fade out on!
1. MIRYOKO (13:40 - Tight Fit) Kyle Walker
2. Spunk (4:22 - MF-1) Manakuro Marakuso
3. Angelo Sabatini (14:34 - Bear Hug) HOCK
4. Ted Zannino (25:34 - Count Out) Paddy Baker
5. Pro-Wrestling WILD Junior Heavyweight Championship: Juan Leche (17:49 - La Magistral) Billy Hollywood (C)
6. Tommy Fiero(O)/Brian Lee (11:03 - Lock of Rock) Dante Black
7. Unified Wild Heavyweight Championship: Jason Blackhart(C) (18:11 - Decepticon Driver) Jack Dod
1.05.2008
WILD Saturday Night #11
WILD Saturday Night returned this week after the holiday break with another crazy show that had its producers pulling their hair out for fear the censors will pull the plug on the program! Yes, it was that insane but then by now the guys that get booked on WILD Saturday Night have come to realize crazy is what gets you noticed by the match makers on Sundays, so you can’t really blame them for letting it all hang out.
Former pro body builder David DaVinci is a prime example of this mindset, having gotten some measure of revenge over Da Busch Boyz at WSN #10 (with the help of new partner Danny Dynamite) but, having gotten a taste of success, not being satisfied, insisting that Dynamite get some time in on a heavyweight in preparation for tag gold! That heavyweight turned out to be lawman Wild Bill who wound up being not much of a challenge for Dynamite, as he focused far more on the illegality of the ringside DaVinci’s generously lathered body oil than his opponent. End result was an extremely perturbed referee who, presumably tired of the incessant snitching, delivered a fast count after a Dynamite frog splash, ending the match. See kids, this is why you don’t snitch like a bitch!
Some pre-match interview fun preceded the next bout, as Duz Busch completely hijacked a Busch Boyz interview to apologize to the fans for being a “fat piece of shit” and then unfurled a long piece of parchment, off of which he began to recite a gigantic amount of New Year’s resolutions, most centered around losing weight and becoming a better wrestler. Sensing that Duz’s newfound commitment to the grappling arts would hamper Da Boyz’s commitment to the rapping arts, manager Master P ripped Duz’s list of resolutions from his hands and closed the segment, but not before the Big Busch was able to announce he would prove his newfound focus against the dangerous bum fighter Bobo Gomez!
That match came up next, with Raz and Master P at ringside to offer what passes for support in Da Busch Boyz camp (crunking with ringside hos and champagne guzzling, mostly) while Duz put forth an erstwhile effort to be the best wrestler he could be. Problem is Bobo has never been one to focus on the technical aspect of the sport and it was only a matter of minutes before the style he perfected fighting bums drew Duz into a heated brawl. The fighting took both men outside where Master P took notice of the brutality of their exchanges and, fearing for the safety of his cash cow, intervened, creating a barrier between Duz and Bobo by tossing hundreds of twenties on the floor which attracted dozens of greedy booty babes.
Rather than fight through a mass of ass Bobo elected to roll back into the ring to beat the twenty count, winning the match. He then grabbed a microphone and said that anytime Duz wants to come out from hiding behind his celebrity he would be glad to fight him again, which Duz agreed to immediately! Master P and Raz tried to talk him out of this decision, but an angry Duz just pushed past them on his way to the back, shouting that he wasn’t messing around when he announced his resolutions earlier!
Many who watched the special holiday themed WSN #10 commented on the heart warming conclusion to the Aleks Dodstva / Fat Lip match that saw the Dods and LRI make nice and go out for drinks after the show. But what wasn’t caught on cameras was what happened after several (dozen) pitchers of cheap lager were consumed at the local watering hole! Apparently the acerbic tongue of Fat Lip was loosened so much that he let fly with a string of insults mocking the Dod’s wrestling ability and then, when this was all taken in jest, Stuart Robinson chimed in with some choice insults about the Dod’s family tree! The last bit was the straw that broke the camel’s back and a wild bar brawl ensued, broken up only after several squads of police used tear gas and tasers to restore order!
After a tense night in the clink both sides vowed to rip the other’s heads off, leading us to tag action this week between Ronnie and Aleks against Stuart and Fat Lip! So much for all that good will built up during the holidays, eh? As you might expect this wasn’t much of a match at all, more a continuation of the bar brawl that got them locked up in the first place leading to a crazy double count out! Once the final bell rang Caleb and Iggy Dod came down to put the finishing touches on Stu and Fat Lip, only to be stopped by a chair waving VD Dod! Wild eyed and shaking with rage, VD held the confused Dods back while Fat Lip and Stuart retreated, leaving the wrestling world wondering if the Dods and LRI have passed the point of no return! Can WILD withstand such a civil war?!?
Another interview segment came next, this time from an undisclosed, completely darkened, location, done so to hide its subjects whereabouts. A voice introduced itself as Paradigm and then went on to explain his actions at WSN #10, saying that he was tired of being used by La Cosa Nostra and decided to sever any ties with them. He then said that he grabbed Gilbert Theunk at the end of the match because of his success at hiding out from the gangsters for nearly two weeks after stealing the Mid-Continental title, not an easy feat considering that when La Cosa Nostra wants to find someone, they usually do.
Paradigm continued by saying he has no desire to interfere with the Bianco Family criminal enterprise, other than to get satisfaction for the escalating high-interest loans that placed him in their back pocket for so long. In order to eliminate his debt Paradigm proposed a match with every member of La Cosa Nostra, once per show, each victory covering a third of his debt, with the final win meaning complete amnesty for himself and Gilbert. As insurance against a double-cross, Paradigm said that he had acquired enough evidence against the Bianco Family to put them away for a very long time, and that it would be safe in the hands of Theunk, ready to be delivered to the authorities at a moments notice!
The challenge was accepted, with Joey Knuckles stepping up to take on Paradigm. Knuckles, by no means a made La Cosa Nostra soldier and considered as deep, if not deeper, in the pocket of the Bianco Family than Paradigm ever was, put on the best fight his ability would allow him but just couldn’t match the fury of Paradigm, who took out months of abuse in just ten short minutes, tapping Knuckles out with the STF and winning back the first part of his freedom in convincing fashion. Paradigm left the ring and into the locker room triumphantly; completely unaware he was being shadowed by Rick Briggs and Ted Zannino, that is until his followers were jumped by Paddy Baker and Sean Gabriel! La Cosa Nostra was laid out with a quickness, leaving Paradigm standing there dumbfounded, appearing ready to offer thanks until the hard stare returned by the Celtic Bruisers convinced him an alliance was not quite ready to be struck.
Next up MIRYOKO made good (finally) on the promised shot at his Southeastern Junior Heavyweight championship, won at WSN #9 by Lorenzo Llamas. The match itself really wasn’t much, with MIRYOKO clearly outclassing Llamas although it was difficult to understand why, given how amazing the latter looked winning his shot at the title in four-way action a month prior. (It was later learned a poisoned dart had been shot into his neck from a Ninja in the audience) But even with MIRYOKO looking kingly in this title defense he still could have lost very easily, as Kyle Walker made his appearance known late, taking advantage of a fallen ref to hit the champ with a jumping elbow to the face so hard it actually knocked the Japanese Uber-model’s protective facemask halfway off!
Llamas made no move to capitalize on this advantage, struggling to get off the mat and then showing extreme difficulty in standing up. Walker did his best to slap some sense into the challenger so that he could take MIRYOKO’s prized title away from him, but to no avail, seconds later being taken down and out of the ring by MIRYOKO’s ever hiding Ninjas, skulking unseen in the crowd. Moments later the champ recovered and scored the pin after a crazy cyclone and then joined his Ninja security team in their assault on Walker.
Surely doom would have befallen the young Walker had the beatings not been prevented by the unlikely appearance of the very same woman who deposited Billy Hollywood so ruthlessly at WSN #10. Yes, Helga Hunkachunk, all 350 pounds of the Swedish Masseuse, came roaring down to clear house, sending the Japanese Fashion Team scurrying and then throwing the prone figures of both Walker and Llamas on her shoulders, taking them to the back for recovery via the healing power of massage. Well, we hope that’s it, poor Kyle has a match tomorrow!
Another huge main event hits Saturday Night this week, this time featuring Pro Wrestling WILD’s very first ever UN-DEATH match! Before I explain what in the hell that is I should preface the action by explaining what got us to this point. At WSN #10 the war between the Zombis and Melancholia (shaDow and eDo) reached a fevered pitch when the muzzled zombies lost convincingly to the not-crippled-by-rigor-mortis emo youngsters, but allowed one of their own (Capoeira Zombie) to escape his bonds, terrorizing dozens as he shambled through the arena on his way to a Dance Dance Revolution machine. No one was hurt, but this was the final straw for Melancholia mentor and professional zombie hunter Augustus Stern, who publicly vowed bloody retribution!
That retribution came over the Christmas break when Capoeira Zombie was found dead, well, lifeless, ummm, inanimate I guess is the word, in the back of a German disco in Berlin, a crossbow bolt imbedded between his eyes. No prints were found on the bolt but it was pretty clear who the main suspect was. Zombi manager Zombie Master held a press conference shortly thereafter, proclaiming that Augustus Stern’s bigotry would not stand, insisting Stern had in fact killed a living, human being who chose to be placed under the spell of the voodoo zombie, much different than the walking undead of popular fiction, which, we all know, can’t possibly exist. Ahem.
And since this is pro wrestling and none of this shit really makes any sense Zombie Master demanded payback not in a court of law but in a wrestling ring, in the violently bloody UN-DEATH match, to prove once and for all that his Zombi charges can be a walking (un) corpse, wrestle and not try to devour their opponents whole, while gaining revenge for their fallen comrade. Stern quickly accepted and added one more stipulation: the loser leaves town! Oddly, the emo douche boys that are Melancholia appeared far less concerned about being involved in a match that involves electrified, exploding barbed wire and timed explosives positioned at head level around the ring than they did about being in a match that could possibly be their last in Pro Wrestling WILD. Something about not having a large audience to hear about how painful life is, I would imagine.
The match was pretty much what you would expect from a death match, with the still-muzzled zombies engaged in bloody warfare with the emo kids, sending blood, sparks of electricity and explosive blasts high in the air while the censors in back were probably having coronaries thinking about what the FCC would do to them for showing this shit on prime time Saturday Night. Probably not a concern since this garbage airs on Animal Planet 6 for some reason, but a job is a job, you know? In any case, what had been just a steady stream of carnage (but of the superficial kind, I mean, lets be fair, skin grows back) got really nasty, and a real reason to be worried, at the conclusion of the match.
With seconds to go before the time bombs were set to go off Augustus Stern screamed to shaDow and eDo to hit the deck, which they did, leaving the zombies still standing and in the direct line of fire of the explosive devices. With a resounding chorus they all went off at the fifteen-minute mark and, when the smoke cleared, the zombies were amazingly still standing … SANS HEADS! Moments later they collapsed and the shocked ref immediately called for the bell while paramedics and Zombie Master rushed the ring. Obviously you can’t really treat a headless corpse so Zombie Master wailed to the heavens, grieving openly while promising payback with a new zombie army and those who dare discriminate against the life-challenged.
Augustus Stern was quickly apprehended by authorities, who charged him with the murder of Capoeira Zombie aka Rodrigo Jorge and the murders of Zombi I and Zombi II (identities as of yet unknown), citing he had replaced the low explosive devices with claymore mines designed to send forth a torrent of ball bearings to decapitate any one in range. Dude must have some serious skill in munitions! Stern was then dragged away kicking and screaming, begging shaDow and eDo to carry on the fight, that the zombie threat is real, and to keep an eye on who Zombie Master tries to convert next!
Like I said at the top, cRaZy!!
1) Danny Dynamite ~12:26 Frog Splash~ Wild Bill
2) Bobo Gomez ~13:44 Count-Out!~ Duz Busch
3) Ronnie Dod / Aleks Dodstva ~9:42 Double Count-Out!~ Stuart Robinson/ Fat Lip
4) Paradigm ~10:18 STF~ Joey Knuckles
5) SOUTHEASTERN JUNIOR HEAVWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP
(C) MIRYOKO ~8:16 Crazy Cyclone~ Lorenzo Llamas {2nd Successful Defense}
6) UN-DEATH MATCH
Melancholia [shaDow / eDo O] ~15:35 Skull Perforating Shrapnel Wounds~ Zombi Flesh Eaters [Zombi I / Zombi II X]
Former pro body builder David DaVinci is a prime example of this mindset, having gotten some measure of revenge over Da Busch Boyz at WSN #10 (with the help of new partner Danny Dynamite) but, having gotten a taste of success, not being satisfied, insisting that Dynamite get some time in on a heavyweight in preparation for tag gold! That heavyweight turned out to be lawman Wild Bill who wound up being not much of a challenge for Dynamite, as he focused far more on the illegality of the ringside DaVinci’s generously lathered body oil than his opponent. End result was an extremely perturbed referee who, presumably tired of the incessant snitching, delivered a fast count after a Dynamite frog splash, ending the match. See kids, this is why you don’t snitch like a bitch!
Some pre-match interview fun preceded the next bout, as Duz Busch completely hijacked a Busch Boyz interview to apologize to the fans for being a “fat piece of shit” and then unfurled a long piece of parchment, off of which he began to recite a gigantic amount of New Year’s resolutions, most centered around losing weight and becoming a better wrestler. Sensing that Duz’s newfound commitment to the grappling arts would hamper Da Boyz’s commitment to the rapping arts, manager Master P ripped Duz’s list of resolutions from his hands and closed the segment, but not before the Big Busch was able to announce he would prove his newfound focus against the dangerous bum fighter Bobo Gomez!
That match came up next, with Raz and Master P at ringside to offer what passes for support in Da Busch Boyz camp (crunking with ringside hos and champagne guzzling, mostly) while Duz put forth an erstwhile effort to be the best wrestler he could be. Problem is Bobo has never been one to focus on the technical aspect of the sport and it was only a matter of minutes before the style he perfected fighting bums drew Duz into a heated brawl. The fighting took both men outside where Master P took notice of the brutality of their exchanges and, fearing for the safety of his cash cow, intervened, creating a barrier between Duz and Bobo by tossing hundreds of twenties on the floor which attracted dozens of greedy booty babes.
Rather than fight through a mass of ass Bobo elected to roll back into the ring to beat the twenty count, winning the match. He then grabbed a microphone and said that anytime Duz wants to come out from hiding behind his celebrity he would be glad to fight him again, which Duz agreed to immediately! Master P and Raz tried to talk him out of this decision, but an angry Duz just pushed past them on his way to the back, shouting that he wasn’t messing around when he announced his resolutions earlier!
Many who watched the special holiday themed WSN #10 commented on the heart warming conclusion to the Aleks Dodstva / Fat Lip match that saw the Dods and LRI make nice and go out for drinks after the show. But what wasn’t caught on cameras was what happened after several (dozen) pitchers of cheap lager were consumed at the local watering hole! Apparently the acerbic tongue of Fat Lip was loosened so much that he let fly with a string of insults mocking the Dod’s wrestling ability and then, when this was all taken in jest, Stuart Robinson chimed in with some choice insults about the Dod’s family tree! The last bit was the straw that broke the camel’s back and a wild bar brawl ensued, broken up only after several squads of police used tear gas and tasers to restore order!
After a tense night in the clink both sides vowed to rip the other’s heads off, leading us to tag action this week between Ronnie and Aleks against Stuart and Fat Lip! So much for all that good will built up during the holidays, eh? As you might expect this wasn’t much of a match at all, more a continuation of the bar brawl that got them locked up in the first place leading to a crazy double count out! Once the final bell rang Caleb and Iggy Dod came down to put the finishing touches on Stu and Fat Lip, only to be stopped by a chair waving VD Dod! Wild eyed and shaking with rage, VD held the confused Dods back while Fat Lip and Stuart retreated, leaving the wrestling world wondering if the Dods and LRI have passed the point of no return! Can WILD withstand such a civil war?!?
Another interview segment came next, this time from an undisclosed, completely darkened, location, done so to hide its subjects whereabouts. A voice introduced itself as Paradigm and then went on to explain his actions at WSN #10, saying that he was tired of being used by La Cosa Nostra and decided to sever any ties with them. He then said that he grabbed Gilbert Theunk at the end of the match because of his success at hiding out from the gangsters for nearly two weeks after stealing the Mid-Continental title, not an easy feat considering that when La Cosa Nostra wants to find someone, they usually do.
Paradigm continued by saying he has no desire to interfere with the Bianco Family criminal enterprise, other than to get satisfaction for the escalating high-interest loans that placed him in their back pocket for so long. In order to eliminate his debt Paradigm proposed a match with every member of La Cosa Nostra, once per show, each victory covering a third of his debt, with the final win meaning complete amnesty for himself and Gilbert. As insurance against a double-cross, Paradigm said that he had acquired enough evidence against the Bianco Family to put them away for a very long time, and that it would be safe in the hands of Theunk, ready to be delivered to the authorities at a moments notice!
The challenge was accepted, with Joey Knuckles stepping up to take on Paradigm. Knuckles, by no means a made La Cosa Nostra soldier and considered as deep, if not deeper, in the pocket of the Bianco Family than Paradigm ever was, put on the best fight his ability would allow him but just couldn’t match the fury of Paradigm, who took out months of abuse in just ten short minutes, tapping Knuckles out with the STF and winning back the first part of his freedom in convincing fashion. Paradigm left the ring and into the locker room triumphantly; completely unaware he was being shadowed by Rick Briggs and Ted Zannino, that is until his followers were jumped by Paddy Baker and Sean Gabriel! La Cosa Nostra was laid out with a quickness, leaving Paradigm standing there dumbfounded, appearing ready to offer thanks until the hard stare returned by the Celtic Bruisers convinced him an alliance was not quite ready to be struck.
Next up MIRYOKO made good (finally) on the promised shot at his Southeastern Junior Heavyweight championship, won at WSN #9 by Lorenzo Llamas. The match itself really wasn’t much, with MIRYOKO clearly outclassing Llamas although it was difficult to understand why, given how amazing the latter looked winning his shot at the title in four-way action a month prior. (It was later learned a poisoned dart had been shot into his neck from a Ninja in the audience) But even with MIRYOKO looking kingly in this title defense he still could have lost very easily, as Kyle Walker made his appearance known late, taking advantage of a fallen ref to hit the champ with a jumping elbow to the face so hard it actually knocked the Japanese Uber-model’s protective facemask halfway off!
Llamas made no move to capitalize on this advantage, struggling to get off the mat and then showing extreme difficulty in standing up. Walker did his best to slap some sense into the challenger so that he could take MIRYOKO’s prized title away from him, but to no avail, seconds later being taken down and out of the ring by MIRYOKO’s ever hiding Ninjas, skulking unseen in the crowd. Moments later the champ recovered and scored the pin after a crazy cyclone and then joined his Ninja security team in their assault on Walker.
Surely doom would have befallen the young Walker had the beatings not been prevented by the unlikely appearance of the very same woman who deposited Billy Hollywood so ruthlessly at WSN #10. Yes, Helga Hunkachunk, all 350 pounds of the Swedish Masseuse, came roaring down to clear house, sending the Japanese Fashion Team scurrying and then throwing the prone figures of both Walker and Llamas on her shoulders, taking them to the back for recovery via the healing power of massage. Well, we hope that’s it, poor Kyle has a match tomorrow!
Another huge main event hits Saturday Night this week, this time featuring Pro Wrestling WILD’s very first ever UN-DEATH match! Before I explain what in the hell that is I should preface the action by explaining what got us to this point. At WSN #10 the war between the Zombis and Melancholia (shaDow and eDo) reached a fevered pitch when the muzzled zombies lost convincingly to the not-crippled-by-rigor-mortis emo youngsters, but allowed one of their own (Capoeira Zombie) to escape his bonds, terrorizing dozens as he shambled through the arena on his way to a Dance Dance Revolution machine. No one was hurt, but this was the final straw for Melancholia mentor and professional zombie hunter Augustus Stern, who publicly vowed bloody retribution!
That retribution came over the Christmas break when Capoeira Zombie was found dead, well, lifeless, ummm, inanimate I guess is the word, in the back of a German disco in Berlin, a crossbow bolt imbedded between his eyes. No prints were found on the bolt but it was pretty clear who the main suspect was. Zombi manager Zombie Master held a press conference shortly thereafter, proclaiming that Augustus Stern’s bigotry would not stand, insisting Stern had in fact killed a living, human being who chose to be placed under the spell of the voodoo zombie, much different than the walking undead of popular fiction, which, we all know, can’t possibly exist. Ahem.
And since this is pro wrestling and none of this shit really makes any sense Zombie Master demanded payback not in a court of law but in a wrestling ring, in the violently bloody UN-DEATH match, to prove once and for all that his Zombi charges can be a walking (un) corpse, wrestle and not try to devour their opponents whole, while gaining revenge for their fallen comrade. Stern quickly accepted and added one more stipulation: the loser leaves town! Oddly, the emo douche boys that are Melancholia appeared far less concerned about being involved in a match that involves electrified, exploding barbed wire and timed explosives positioned at head level around the ring than they did about being in a match that could possibly be their last in Pro Wrestling WILD. Something about not having a large audience to hear about how painful life is, I would imagine.
The match was pretty much what you would expect from a death match, with the still-muzzled zombies engaged in bloody warfare with the emo kids, sending blood, sparks of electricity and explosive blasts high in the air while the censors in back were probably having coronaries thinking about what the FCC would do to them for showing this shit on prime time Saturday Night. Probably not a concern since this garbage airs on Animal Planet 6 for some reason, but a job is a job, you know? In any case, what had been just a steady stream of carnage (but of the superficial kind, I mean, lets be fair, skin grows back) got really nasty, and a real reason to be worried, at the conclusion of the match.
With seconds to go before the time bombs were set to go off Augustus Stern screamed to shaDow and eDo to hit the deck, which they did, leaving the zombies still standing and in the direct line of fire of the explosive devices. With a resounding chorus they all went off at the fifteen-minute mark and, when the smoke cleared, the zombies were amazingly still standing … SANS HEADS! Moments later they collapsed and the shocked ref immediately called for the bell while paramedics and Zombie Master rushed the ring. Obviously you can’t really treat a headless corpse so Zombie Master wailed to the heavens, grieving openly while promising payback with a new zombie army and those who dare discriminate against the life-challenged.
Augustus Stern was quickly apprehended by authorities, who charged him with the murder of Capoeira Zombie aka Rodrigo Jorge and the murders of Zombi I and Zombi II (identities as of yet unknown), citing he had replaced the low explosive devices with claymore mines designed to send forth a torrent of ball bearings to decapitate any one in range. Dude must have some serious skill in munitions! Stern was then dragged away kicking and screaming, begging shaDow and eDo to carry on the fight, that the zombie threat is real, and to keep an eye on who Zombie Master tries to convert next!
Like I said at the top, cRaZy!!
1) Danny Dynamite ~12:26 Frog Splash~ Wild Bill
2) Bobo Gomez ~13:44 Count-Out!~ Duz Busch
3) Ronnie Dod / Aleks Dodstva ~9:42 Double Count-Out!~ Stuart Robinson/ Fat Lip
4) Paradigm ~10:18 STF~ Joey Knuckles
5) SOUTHEASTERN JUNIOR HEAVWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP
(C) MIRYOKO ~8:16 Crazy Cyclone~ Lorenzo Llamas {2nd Successful Defense}
6) UN-DEATH MATCH
Melancholia [shaDow / eDo O] ~15:35 Skull Perforating Shrapnel Wounds~ Zombi Flesh Eaters [Zombi I / Zombi II X]
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