WILD Saturday Night #2

Show kicked off with “Maulin’” San Martino womanhandling her competition for the second week in a row, this time taking down Tigress Mask. The dainty feline’s submission skills were effective in taking away San Martino’s jackhammer like punches, but did nothing to stop her head, which she used to add a few crimson splotches to the Tigress’s Bazooka Joe bubble gum colored outfit. A reverse chokeslam, a carrying tackle and a stump puller later and it was all she wrote, save for San Martino’s verbal parting shot: “Real women don’t wear pink!”

Law abiding officer of the peace Wild Bill was of little use to Mike Duff against rogues Mike Phillips and Jake Jackson in the next bout, refusing to break even one rule while the opposition figuratively wiped their asses with the WILD rule book! Duff tried his best to fight fire with fire as this one got increasingly out of hand, but ultimately threw up his hands in frustration. From here on out Wild Bill did his best Walker Texas Ranger impression, trying his darndest to win this one clean for all the Ovaltine drinking boys and girls, resulting in his being on the receiving end of scads of double teams leading up to a loss at the hands of Jackson. Wild Bill was so upset about the loss he actually tried to write referee Gen Hirayama a citation for not enforcing the rules!

Jobber to the Stars Joe Doe made good use of the abdominal stretch and the headlock to drag his match with indie stud Jason Wesley out way longer than anyone would have expected. Even after Wesley firmly took over the offensive side of things Doe would not give up, at least until the big guns were pulled out: an avalanche arm cross! Doe stubbornly refused an MRI after the match, even though observers could literally hear tendons gnashing as he attempted to show no serious injury had been done to his arm. Wacky jobbers …

Juan Leche and Kyle Walker took on a pair of Zombies in the fourth match of the night, but as Leche’s submission victory via bow and arrow lock proved these weren’t actually real zombies at all. No, because zombies are incapable of feeling pain and, therefore, would not have any reason to give up to an agonizing stretch. If that weren’t enough proof that Zombi I and Zombi II are not members of the living dead, consider that Kyle Walker was bitten multiple times during the match and is, as of this writing, feeling “chipper and full of pep!”

After fighting to a double count-out the week before the teams of Colosso/ DaVinci and the thugalicious Busch Boyz were scheduled to fight again, only this time with no disqualifications and no count-outs! It should come as no surprise then that this became essentially a Texas Tornado match almost immediately, with ref Martin Roeg just trying to stay out of the way until needed. This was absolute madness for fifteen plus, with both teams using anything not bolted down to smash their opponents with!

The end came about in a blur, as while Duz Busch was fading fast in the clutches of a Colosso bear hug his brother Raz took a padlock weighted length of chain and swung it into the surgically repaired knee (injury courtesy of the VWA’s Ninja Express) of Colosso, dropping him like that one fabled statue that was really tall and fell onto some Greek island. DaVinci was quick to prevent Raz from doing any more damage, and Duz, still in Colosso’s grip, was declared unable to continue. The Busch Boyz may have lost this bout but as Colosso’ bellows of pain suggested as he writhed on the mat, it’s possible they took the war in one fell swoop!

Match number six saw Aleks Dodstva accompany Ronnie Dod for a lesson in how to dismantle those that are not Dod, with that role being played by golden armed arena football quarterback Ken Shields. Shields took exception to being propped up as Dod fodder and almost immediately broke the nose of Ronnie with a solid punch, but that was about all he did, getting steamrolled after that with a quickness. From the outside, Aleks watched on with focused awe …

WILD TV Champion Sit Kwok Fu was the standout amongst a stellar field of talent in the next bout, an epic six-man tag featuring he, Jimmy Cliff and Angelo Sabatini against VD Dod, Fat Lip and the resurgent Paradigm! The straight shooting Sabatini looked a little bit out of place amongst this motley crew, but it’s believed he took such offense to Paradigm’s comments about older wrestlers he fervently petitioned to be booked here!

In the end it turns out that age is not always the benchmark for stamina, as while everyone else had beaten themselves into exhaustion Sabatini still appeared quite hale, evidenced when he drove VD Dod and Fat Lip out of the ring with one mighty push. At that exact moment Sit Kwok Fu was rolling through a Paradigm German Suplex to apply a Boston Crab, getting payback for losing to Paradigm the week before.

Paradigm flipped out after losing, berating the departing LRI members for their lousy teamwork and equating their performances with that of the “washed-up old men that plague this promotion”. But while ranting away he forgot his enemies were in the vicinity, and this time it was Angelo Sabatini who spun him around by the shoulder, knocking him out of the ring with a mighty wallop. Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand the scowling Paradigm shot a look up at Sabatini, who responded with a jerk, as if he was about to launch himself out of the ring. Paradigm didn’t wait around to see what would happen next, diving into the crowd and hightailing it away from danger …

A very special main event closed out the evening, as Paddy Baker made his way out to the ring to address the audience. In somber tones he briefly talked about his wrestling history, starting out in the National Wrestling Federation in 1968, epic battles with the likes of Jerry Billo, Moonshiner Magee, Larry York. But he said that as tough as those guys were none of them held a candle to Virgil Theunk.

He says Theunk came to the promotion from England around the same time he did and they took an immediate disliking to each other, and their enmity showed every time they stepped into the ring with each other. Over the years he estimated they’ve fought hundreds of times, all over the world for several different promotions. But they never fought over anything as hard as the Mid-Continental title, at one point in the 70’s trading the title six times back and forth during epic encounters.

Baker then told the audience that Theunk collapsed at a VWA show earlier in the week and that after being looked after doctors have diagnosed him with an aggressive form of colon cancer. He then said Theunk is going to undergo treatment soon and, knowing this, called him with one simple request: a shot at the Mid-Continental title, “before I can’t wrestle anymore, mate”. Baker bowed his head after saying this and wiped away a tear. “I never liked that limey snake but goddamned if I don’t respect the hell out of him. I’d give him the title if he asked for it.”

This brought out Virgil Theunk, the mat legend, looking a bit peaked but still healthy enough to compete in what was sure to be a friendly exhibition. And it started out that way but after just a few minutes memories of their old rivalry escalated the action from basic mat work to something far more aggressive. While Baker threw elbows and European uppercuts Theunk put every ounce of his being into every submission hold he applied until finally he had nothing left, allowing Baker to power out of a Stranglehold Alpha and put Theunk away with the inverted piledriver.

Baker helped Theunk up after the match and they shook hands, then hugged while the fans showed their approval. Baker then told Theunk to hold on just one minute, signaling for a photographer to enter the ring while reaching over the ropes for his title, perhaps preparing for a timeless photo opportunity. But abruptly the applause changed to jeers and as Baker turned around he saw why: Paradigm, steel chair in hand, had just laid out Theunk and then charged at Baker, clocking him over the head before he could react!!

Baker tumbled out of the ring and the crazed Paradigm followed, smacking him a few more times with the chair and then trying to choke the life out of him with a length of cable, all the while screaming about mandatory retirement ages and how filthy the elderly are. Sean Gabriel, Angelo Sabatini and Sit Kwok Fu dashed down to the ring to the rescue, driving Paradigm off into the crowd once again while the stunned crowd looked on …

1) Cynthia San Martino ~9:10 Schoolyard Stretch~ Tigress Mask

2) Mike Phillips/ Jake Jackson O ~20:58 School Boy~ Mike Duff/ Wild Bill X

3) Jason Wesley ~20:59 Avalanche Arm Cross~ Joe Doe

4) Juan Leche O/ Kyle Walker ~15:34 Bow and Arrow Lock~ Not Really Zombis [Zombi I/ Zombi II X]

5) Rhodey Colosso O/ David DaVinci ~17:21 Bear Hug~ The Busch Boyz [Raz Busch/ Duz Busch X]

6) Ronnie Dod ~6:57 Twisting Belly to Belly~ Ken Shields

7) Sit Kwok Fu O/ Jimmy Cliff/ Angelo Sabatini ~24:03 Boston Crab~ VD Dod/ Fat Lip/ Paradigm X

8) MID-CONTINENTAL HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP
(C) Paddy Baker ~11:33 Inverted Piledriver~ Virgil Theunk {1st Successful Defense}