WILD Saturday Night #5

Rumors of a re-tooled junior heavyweight division have begun to attract the interest of talent from across the industry, with Fusion Dojo’s Kikkoman being the latest to step up to prove his worth. He took on shifty Chicano 50 Centavos in the first match of the night, a blistering paced affair that really showed off what juniors are capable of. 50 Centavos wound up getting worn out by the faster Kikkoman, having to resort to groin shots and chokes in an attempt to keep pace, but this strategy only served to anger the soy sauce themed dynamo, resulting in a torrent of lariats, sleeper drops and northern lights suplexes that put him away.

Scant moments after Kikkoman triumphantly left the ring and headed for the back his progress was halted by none other than the effeminate one: MIRYOKO! Blaring techno music and androgynous female models covered in glitter (think “Simply Irresistible”) tossing streamers about accompanied his entrance, making for a scene that would (and did) make any red blooded rasslin’ fan angrier than a barrel of hornets falling off Niagara Falls. Amidst the cascade of fan-thrown garbage MIRYOKO, through an interpreter, chastised WILD for its poor record keeping, deriding the board of directors for not knowing who the WILD Junior Heavyweight Champion is. But MIRYOKO’s solution to this was simple; award HIM the title so he can lead Pro Wrestling WILD into a golden age of high fashion and elegant violence.

Enter Juan Leche and Kyle Walker, even angrier than a barrel of hornets falling off Niagara Falls. In the past few weeks both men have been shown up by MIRYOKO but their appearance here suggested they were not ready to see WILD’s juniors ruled by this … fag, can I say fag? I’ll say fag. Problem is Leche and Walker are engaged in a bit of a friendly rivalry of their own, so instead of presenting a unified front they spent precious moments trying to decide just who would speak on the behalf of Pro Wrestling WILD. Precious moments that were put to great use by MIRYOKO’s bodyguards, the lurking Ninja Express! Mua ha ha.

But Walker, having seen this tactic used the week before at a VWA Lite show, thought quick on his feet, refusing to engage the Ninjas in what would have amounted to a street fight, instead retreating to the other side of the ring (and suggesting Leche do the same), grabbing a mic and demanding satisfaction in an officially sanctioned match! The fans roared their approval and a member of the WILD booking committee, conveniently sitting in the front row, ordered a tag match to take place right then and there! Hooray for coincidences!

Clearly still not confident of his young partner’s abilities, Leche wound up doing most of the work in this one while Walker – having faced the Ninjas many times in his young career – shouted out warnings from the corner. Somehow this worked for them, leading to a Juan Leche win via Leche Splash despite the usual Ninja trickery. However, even in victory, Leche and Walker found something to argue about, resulting in them getting Pearl Harbored by MIRYOKO and the Ninjas anyways, who, after the swift beating, claimed the boots of Leche and the shiny shirt of Walker as trophies.

The team of Wild Bill and El Justiciero returned this week, now wishing to be known as The Lawgivers. They took the time before the next match to install security cameras around the ring, a smart move given the tendencies of their opponents: Da Busch Boyz! This precaution actually prevented cheating for the most part, resulting in what almost became the first clean match ever wrestled by Da Boyz o’ Busch, that is until their manager Master P “just happened” to walk in front of one camera with a large sign that said “Number 3 Ain’t Good ‘Nuff 4 Me!” (Referring, we presume, to da Busch Boyz low spot on the card) This enabled Duz Busch to nail El Justiciero, enabling bro Raz to get the win via backdrop hold.

People ask why Bret Stillman, he of the antiquated move set and two match losing streak, keeps getting booked on Saturday Night. The answer is simple: this kid is super talented TNT just waiting to detonate! Despite another loss this week, this time to the America hating Ayatollah Ali Jihad (who, we’d like to point out, still cashes his checks here), Stillman looked great, improving as usual while damn near pulling this one out. Jihad was in rough shape when all was said and done, limping after taking tons of knee damage and bruised all over after trying to take the fight outside, only to see Stillman out-brawl him there! He finally had to resort to a kick to the gut with his loaded, pointy boot, setting up the win with his Persian Crab maneuver, after which he beat feet to get as far away from Stillman as possible!

With another win, their second in a row, this time over MPLL’s Pedro Guterez and Jay Gold, the Spunk Pro team of Ken Shields and Tomohiro Ito is beginning to turn some heads in Pro Wrestling WILD. But some of this newfound attention may wind up being undesirable, especially in the case of Da Busch Boyz, who took it upon themselves to make another appearance mid-match as part of their “Petition for Recognition” thing. The distraction very nearly caused Shields and Ito to lose, leading to a near altercation after the match that was stopped by WILD security, finally earning their pay after what happened earlier in the night.

A short time later La Cosa Nostra, sans Paradigm, called out Paddy Baker from the center of the ring, saying the grumpy Irish tough had to be made accountable for some rather sizable gambling debts. Baker made his way out accompanied by Sit Kwok Fu and laughed off the demands, asking where their “boss” was (referring to Paradigm). Raymond Bianco Jr. said Paradigm had merely contracted La Cosa Nostra to provide him a service, a service which was to be paid with monies earned by beating the spread against Baker last week. Since Baker won, said monies were not paid and, therefore, Baker was to be held responsible.

When Baker queried once again as to the whereabouts of Paradigm, Bianco just laughed and said he was out shoe shopping. Could he mean … nah, that’s just too evil!

Baker refused to pay shit, saying he worked way too hard for his money to pay for the mistakes of some ignorant whelp, telling Bianco his thugs would have to beat the cash out of him. Bianco’s response was both chilling and expected: “That can be arranged …”

Cue impromptu tag team action, with Baker and Kwok Fu taking on the debuting Rick Briggs and Ted Zannino of La Cosa Nostra! The match was exactly what you might expect, with Briggs and Zannino making up for their wrestling skill with concrete like punches that swelled up the faces of their opponents like rotten sausages. Amazingly, despite the punishment, the Celtic Bruisers persevered, with Kwok Fu in particular showing just how far he has come since tagging with Baker and Gabriel. Baker himself, continuing to astound despite his age, pulled victory from the jaws of defeat with an inverted piledriver on Zannino in the middle of a confusing melee. Paddy and Sit beat a hasty retreat while Bianco yelled at his boys, and you just know this war is far from over …

Main event time, with Martin Fairbairn seeking revenge against Ronnie Dod for the role he played in last week’s demolition of Park Young Tae. This was just a fucking street fight from the word go as Martin sought to beat the apology he would never otherwise get from the corpulent Ron Kwan Do master. All seconds had been barred from ringside, which makes sense given both the nature of this burgeoning feud AND the nature of the factions to which they belong, but someone forgot to exclude Da Busch Boyz (really, them again?) and entourage, who came to the ring through the crowd doin’ their petition for recognition thang.

This turned out to be a ruse, showing they have balls the size of small moons, jumping Dod and Fairbairn in the middle of their match, stomping away at them with steel toed Timberlands and Fungo bats! The attack was swift, with Master P declaring Da Busch Boyz as “Da Big Dawgs in da Yard” over and over again on a cell phone that was somehow piped through the arena’s PA system. And then, just as swift as it had begun Da Boyz took off from where they came, just avoiding certain retribution at the hands of whatever Dods and PTFW members had been witness to the attack from the backstage monitors.

Something tells me Da Busch Boyz are going to regret this …

1) Kikkoman ~16:02 Sleeper Drop~ 50 Centavos

2) Juan Leche O/ Kyle Walker ~22:18 Leche Splash~ Ninja Express [Ninja I/ Ninja II X]

3) Da Busch Boyz [Raz Busch O/ Duz Busch] ~19:49 Backdrop Hold~ The Lawgivers [Wild Bill/ El Justiciero X]

4) Ayatollah Ali Jihad ~21:54 Persian Crab~ Bret Stillman

5) Ken Shields/ Tomohiro Ito O ~21:29 German Suplex Hold~ Pedro Guterez X/ Jay Gold

6) Celtic Bruisers [Paddy Baker O/ Sit Kwok Fu] ~26:28 Inverted Piledriver~ La Cosa Nostra [Rick Briggs/ Ted Zannino X]

7) Martin Fairbairn ~12:06 No Contest!~ Ronnie Dod