[ 10.7.07 | RETournament Finals]

Ladies and gentleman, fags and wrestling fans the world over, welcome to Pro-Wrestling WILD -- the RETournament Finals! Last time we had a NEW CHAMPION crowned in Jack Dod, and this week we will see the thrilling finale to the RETournament, with 3 big matches; Spunk vs Sean Gabriel and JB vs Dante, winners face off for the chance to challenge Jack Dod for the Unified Wild Heavyweight Championship of the WORLD. Last time we saw JB clean house, but can he keep that momentum up?

So, here we are in BINGO Hall in Buffalo, NY, and Beenie Bear is out now, passing out Beenie bags to the fans at ringside, and here are a bunch of happy children!



Wait! Here comes the Champ! Jack Dod making his way down to the ring, UWH Championship slung over his shoulder, and a fine Dod Squad logo t-shirt covering his now-thickish-physique. Jack being bombarded by boos from the crowd as he stands in the middle of the ring, waiting for them to shut up, this brings out Ronnie Dod, as he is randomly RON-KWAN-DOH chopping people who get near him, trying to calm them down, shouting at them to respect the Champion of the Universe. He threatens a few times to lift his shirt up, and says if they don't shut up he willl and awalwefalisdfjasfiasdlfjasdlfjsdifsdljfasdfi the crowd just got Ronnied! Refs coming out now to drag Ronnie away as Jack sighs and tells them to leave him alone. Ronnie fixes his shirt (which happens to be a tuxedo t-shirt, as TV appearances are a special occasion) and grabs a mic. Ronnie steps into the ring as Jack nods at him, Jack posing with his arms out, the title hanging from his hand as Ronnie begins to shout.

Ronnie: Ladies and Gentlemen, that fat fuck sitting in the front row who could probably use a few trips to the gym, and that girl over there *he winks* whom I will award with a lifetime pass to the RON-KWAN-DOH-JO, I introduce you to the man, the myth, the legend, not just a GOD.. But a DOD.

*Ronnie pauses as Jack places his hands over his heart, then outstretches them again*

Ronnie: He is the leader of the Dod Squad, he is beyond description, and voted the sexiest man alive the past 7 years in a row in Dod Illustrated. He stands at a towering SIX FOOT FOUR, and weights in at a slim, cut, ripped and chiseled two hundred and forthy-eight pounds, four-point-five ounces, hailing from wherever the hell he damn well pleases, the UNIFIED.. WILD.. HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION, NOT ONLY OF THE WORLD, BUT THE UNIVERSE.

JACK.

DODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!

*The fans erupt, some cheer while most boo, Ronnie applauding profusely as Jack gets down on one knee and calls for applause, raising the ire of some fans and causing a rain of garbage from the crowd. Jack brushes it off and acts like it didn't happen as Ronnie hands him the mic and bows to the corner.

Jack Dod: I thank you, Ronnie. Ladies and Gentlemen, Ronnie Dod! But enough about him, now how about me?

*Jack snaps his fingers, as Ronnie squirms around in his pants, pulling out a mirror, breathing on it and wiping it with his work-out gloves, then handing it to Jack. Jack inspects himself and smiles*

Jack: I mean, I am not only perfect, but I am the Champion. Last time you all saw me, it was in victory, standing over the brutalized corpse of Twinky McLanahan. Word is that after the match he was rushed to the hospital where they had to amputate both of his legs after the devastating FOUR FIGURE LEG LOCK, and replace them with mutant prosthetic limbs. They tell me that not only will he never be the same again, that he might never wrestle again. Now.. I know many of you are big Twinky fans, so if you are a grieving woman, please see Ronnie after this interview where he can furnish you, the grieving fan, with a pass to the Dod locker room where I, Jack Dod will comfort you in your time of need. Please, only 18 and over apply, 16 with expressed written consent from your parents!

*The crowd is booing like crazy now as Ronnie motions for them to quiet down again*

Jack: So here I am, awaiting to see who my unworthy contender will be. Four men, each one of them a certain kind of pest, but none of them will be able to challenge me, none will be able to take this belt, none can even..



BAH GAWD ITS JB! JB! JB! JB storms into the ring, grabbing a mic on the way in and sizing up Ronnie, who starts going into a RON-KWAN-DOH pose which would lead into a CHOP, but JB just KICK -- WHAM! -- STUNNER! STUNNER! JB IS A HOUSE OF FIRE! He motions for a Dr. Pepper and the ring announcer tosses him one, as he cracks it open and takes a big swig. Jack is looking on in disgust as JB gets right into his face.

JB: WHOOOOOOOOOOO!

*Jack scoffs and pulls back as the fans go nuts*

Jack: Ok, so you can give Ronnie a stunner! Big deal, I can give Ronnie a DODSMACK!

*He picks Ronnie up, helps dust him off and KICK -- WHAM! -- DODSMACK! Ronnie flies back into the ropes and convulses, as Jack gets right into JB's face*

Jack: CAN YOU DO THAT!?

JB: Oh, well, I don't know. I mean YEAH! I can do that, I can do a lot more than that... Such as..

*He points to the title on Jack's shoulder*

JB: Take that title from you with a Dr. Pepper in one hand the whole time!

*The fans erupt as JB downs the Dr. Pepper*

JB: Unlike you, I have no weaknesses. I disposed of Caleb even with you trying to distract me with Polly -- AND.. AND, I made out with her right in THIS VERY RING.

*Jack turns around and kicks the bottom rope as JB calls for another Dr. Pepper, cracking it open and drinking it.. Jack looks at him from the corner of his eye*

Jack: No weakness, huh?

JB: None.

*Jack shrugs*

Jack: Well then, I guess I have no chance then, do I?

JB: Nope.

Jack: Ha! We'll see about that! Good luck tonight, Blackhart.

*Jack collects Ronnie, who is still out of it and walks to the back as JB celebrates again with another Dr. Pepper, Jack looking back at him scornfully, but smirking as JB downs the Dr. Pepper*

Jack: You drink that Dr. Pepper, Blackhart! It'll be your last!

Now we go back to the crew setting things up, Beenie the Bear out again, passing out more Beanie Bags! The fans are loving this, but wait.. What is this.. Is that? Its Rick O'Hara! What the hell is he doing out here. He is offering his hand to Beenie. Beenie just sort of stares at him and offers him a Beanie Bag. Rick swats it away as Beenie bends down to pick it up. Rick puts his hand out again, only for Beenie to offer it to him again, and this time Rick hits him with a STIFF ELBOW SHIVER!!! Oh man, that was a STRONG STYLE BLOW! It looks like we have a ref, and Beenie has agreed to take on Rick O'Hara!



This was just.. Not pretty! Rick really made short work of Beenie, using his AMERICAN STRONG STYLE skills and finally putting him away with a move that he dubs as honorable, but I'm not sure exactly how honorable it is to beat up a mascot passing out toys to children!







Rick O'Hara (:42 -- Ki Krusher) Beenie Bear

Now we move onto the second bout of the evening, this one actually scheduled, and its the RETournament Semi-Finals match of Sean Gabriel vs Spunk! Both men eager to get down to action here as we are underway.



This was exactly what you'd expect from these two, a very stiff, close match-up, with Gabriel using big punches and elbows on Spunk, while Spunk using kicks to keep Sean at bay, as well as both trying to wear the other down with submissions. Neither man really has a clear advantage and.. WAIT.. WAIT..

STUART ROBINSON! WHAT IS HE DOING OUT HERE? He piledrives Spunk down to the mat, and turns his attention to Gabriel! Sean KO'd him last show, and he is looking for revenge! Stuart taking it to Sean, as Spunk is trying to regain his composure -- BRIAN LEE! BRIAN LEE WHAT IS HE DOING OUT HERE!? He is taking it to Spunk on the outside, belly to belly! LSD ON THE FUCKING RAMP! SPUNK IS OUT OF IT! We have officials going crazy out here trying to break things up. An ambulance crew has come out and stretchered Spunk out, as Lee follows, trying to attack Spunk on the stretcher.




Sean Gabriel (10:45 -- NO CONTEST) Sean Gabriel

This leaves us in quite a pickle, as neither man will obviously advance into the finals, as both men were disqualified, and this match was thrown out, and Sean and Stuart are still slugging it out! Here come the other two LRI members, and they are all putting the boots to Sean, and here comes Paddy and Sit! They clear house, and LRI is regrouping on the outside, Stuart has the mic;

Stuart: You IRA bastards want a fight, bring it!

Well, with these 3 men in the ring, they didn't need a challenge laid out twice.



Insane 6-man tag action from these guys, LRI working like the well-oiled machine that they are and the Bruisers not looking too shabby themselves. Sean and Stuart both upset over the other one costing them their chance to challenge for the title at some point, and it shows throughout this match. Lots of insane brawling action, spilling to the outside on just about every occasion.

Spot of the night goes to VD for his insane top rope tope con giro (WITH A TWIST -- ITS NOT CON HILO, ITS CON GIRO) taking out everybody in sight! VD ends up more or less the star of this match, as the SILENCER puts Paddy to sleep, with LRI picking up the big win.




LRI (Stuart Robinson/VD Dod(O)/Fat Lip) (25:55 -- Silencer) Celtic Bruisers (Sean Gabriel/Paddy Baker(X)/Sit Kwok Fu)

Seamus McFadden out now, to a loud round of boos as he takes the mic and implores the crowd to quiet down.

McFadden: Now, if you don't know who I am, which would just be ridiculous and, well, you should just know.. I am Seamus McFadden, and boys and girls, what you might not remember is that oh, ages ago I was granted a certain right, a certain amount of power.

*The crowd boos as he taps his cane on the mat a few times*

McFadden: Quiet, you peasants! I could buy and sell all of you to the circus and you'd never be missed or seen again!

*He regains his composure and fixes his jacket*

McFadden: Now, to what I was saying. I was the exalted Commissioner of Pro-Wrestling WILD, and the contract that I signed, well, it was until 2010. Since the company never truly went out of business, I've, well.. I had a nice long meeting with officials today, and effective immediately... I, Seamus McFadden am once again the Commissioner of Pro-Wrestling WILD!

*He tosses his arms open as the fans do nothing but boo him*

McFadden: Oh who bloody asked you if you cared! I'm not out here to exert my will on you bloody yanks anyway, what I am here to do, is to make a few executive decisions! Due to what we just saw, clearly neither Spunk or Sean Gabriel can move on to the main event tonight, so Jason Blackhart vs Dante Black, well... Winner takes all, that is your finals.

*The fans erupt at this, chanting for JB and Dante, back and forth. McFadden keeps rapping his cane as he is trying to quiet them down*

McFadden: Children, children.. Settle down, that isn't all. Also, I was having a quite informative conversation with Brian Lee before, and apparently he wants to face Spunk tonight. Now, Spunk I am being told, is in no condition to compete tonight, while he was not hospitalized, it was on his own refusal. He is being checked out by our doctors, and well, it just looks like it was a quick stinger, he didn't suffer any serious damage, nor a concussion, and we are about safety here.. So, in the interest of fairness to Brian Lee, and to Spunk, I've decided that they WILL face off here tonight!

*The fans erupt again at this huge announcement*

McFadden:.. As opponents in a 6-man tag match, featuring the team of Brian Lee, Tommy Fiero and Dan Sommers.. Against.. Spunk, Angelo Sabatini and Bobo Gomez, and well, this match is NOW!



The fans are red hot for this match, as this is a huge 6-man tag, with Dan Sommers having no love loss with Bobo Gomez and of course Angelo Sabatini, Spunk having no qualms with beating up Tommy Fiero and of course, livid over Brian Lee from earlier. Spunk thought, not looking so hot as he still looks shaken up from Lee's attack from before.

All 6 men were on fire tonight, Spunk doing his best to keep his head in the game, but ended up almost a non-factor. The finish to the match was exciting, as Dan Sommers displayed his amazing power and brutalness, as he hoists Sabatini up onto his shoulders and sends him crashing down onto his knee, a sick crack heard throughout the arena as the ref slides in to check on Angelo, and he is calling this! Angelo is out!




Brian Lee/Tommy Fiero/Dan Sommers(O) (28:22 -- Alabama Nightmare -- CRITICAL!) Spunk/Bobo Gomez/Angelo Sabatini(X)


Now we cut to backstage, where Jason Blackhart is warming up, when Seamus McFadden approaches him.

JB: What do YOU want?

McFadden: Oh, nothing mah boy, just wishin' you the best of luck. I'll wish you.. The luck o' the Irish, mah boy!

*Ronnie quietly steps in behind them, pulling a vial from his pants, uncorking it and pouring some white powder into his drink and slipping out back again*

JB: YEAH! Um, I don't need luck, and I don't need anything from YOU.

*He picks up his Dr. Pepper and takes a big swig of it*

JB: Ahhh! All I need is my Dr. Pepper and I'm ready to take on the world.

*McFadden cackles as JB finishes off the Dr. Pepper, and tosses the can into a recycling bin behind him.. He winks at the camera and gives a thumbs up*

JB: Kids, don't forget to recycle or something, and uh, FUCK YOU!

*JB flips off McFadden, then kick -- WHAM! -- STUNNER! STUNNER ON MCFADDEN!*

This leads us to our MAIN EVENT OF THE EVENING.. Folks, this is it, winner takes all, winner takes on Jack Dod.



It was JB and Dante, back and forth, JB throwing everything at Dante, and Dante fighting like a real man. JB and Dante are HOSSES ON FIRE, but JB begins to slow down. It looks like JB is having a hard time keeping his footing, growing kind of sloppy. When he starts whiffing punches the fans are starting to get leery. JB is having a hard time even standing up now! He keeps fight, as he is Jason Blackhart and will never say die, but something is wrong here, something is very, very wrong! DAnte is in control as things spill to the outside. JB can't seem to keep his head into this, he whiffs a punch and Dante hoists him up onto his shoulders -- HULK BUSTER! HULK BUSTER! Holy shit JB's head just smacked against the cold, hard concrete!

Dante slow up to his feet, JB not moving at all, as the ref is counting.. 15....16... Dante is pulling himself together.. 17.. 18... 19.. 20! Its over, Dante Black is your new challenger, and JB is just fucking out of it! He is not moving!



Dante Black (11:23 -- Count Out) Jason Blackhart

Oh christ, Jack Dod's music! Jack Dod! What is he doing out here? Jack Dod is attacking Jason Blackhart!! JB is struggling up to his feet -- HUGE SPEAR BY JACK DOD! My god, Jack just drilled JB, JB's head smacking against the side of the apron, followed by the concrete! That was just a DODSMASH if I've ever seen one! Jack picks Jason up -- KICK -- WHAM! -- DODSMACK ON THE OUTSIDE!!! DODSMACK!! JB IS COMPLETELY OUT OF IT! Somebody has to stop this, somebody has to stop Jack Dod! The refs are running out of the ramp, but McFadden is standing in their way, his neck in a brace, ordering them to stand down or he'll fire them!

Jack has Jason by the hair, and Jason is just a limp corpse.. PILEDRIVER ON THE EXPOSED CONCRETE! FOLKS, THAT IS IT! JB IS HURT! Finally Jack Dod steps down, only after degrading JB tonight.

WHAT A NIGHT! UNTIL NEXT TIME!