WILD Saturday Night #4

Well here we are at the four week mark of WILD Saturday Night, a landmark in time that, if you and I - my cherished readers - were a young couple sowing the seeds of a fledgling relationship, might be cause for some kind of tender celebration involving rose petals, truffles and malt liquor. But since we’re not you’ll just have to acknowledge this milestone with an “Hmmmm, so he’s still doing this shit, eh?”

On to the first match: a six-man tag featuring The Fabulous Flying Llamas and MPLL’s Los Diablos Del Satan. This was a rudo vs. rudo affair judging by the way both teams behaved (wanton disregard for the rules, you know the drill) but the MPLL team appeared to be many more rudo, having lied about the weights of two of their members! El Demonio and son were billed as juniors, getting them booked in this all-junior tag encounter, but were clearly not, practically busting the seams out of their ill-fitting evil suits. And, being of the rudo persuasion, they used this size advantage to great effect, singling out the smallest Llama throughout the match until dispatching him with a choke slam.

Next up Cynthia San Martino took on Azumi Oonishi in what started as a unique clash of styles but ended up a total rout, as San Martino mauled her more technically inclined opponent. But even in victory San Martino wasn’t happy, throttling poor Oonishi for having the temerity to resist what was, in her mind, supposed to have been payback for Oonishi’s supposed failure to support San Martino in tag action the week before! Why the nerve of that kid, daring to resist domination at the hands of a piggish fascist!

Spunk Pro members Ken Shields and Tomohiro Ito were back this week, this time in tag action against the completely random pairing of Jimmy Cliff and Angolan Capoeira Ace Rodrigo Jorge. Cliff was very unhappy about the booking and was sullen from the start, but only grew more upset as Jorge completely hogged the spotlight, putting on what amounted to a Capoeira exhibition while kicking the crap out of Shields and Ito. This resulted in Cliff half-heartedly participating from there on out, doing absolutely nothing to stop the Ito/ Shields double teams against Jorge that ultimately turned the tide and won the match for, errr Team Spunk Pro.

Moving right along, the jamz were off the chain, yo, as the newly blinged Busch Boyz made a dope entrance accompanied by new manager Master P. Yes, that Master P, and with him was a bevy of big booty biatches crunkin along to the phat … phatness. Once the bass from the entrance music stopped ripping holes in the very fabric of space and time da Busch Boyz had themselves a match against Bret Stillman and Sonny Siguri while Master P and the rest of the gang asked people at ringside to sign the “Petition for Recognition”.

It seems the … excuse me, DA Boyz feel that, “affer jackin’ dat mongloid busta”, they are in line for some tag team accolades and will gather up enough signatures to prove the fans think the same. Never mind that, aside from general thuggery, da Boyz need serious work on their ring skills, evidenced with their inability to put away their opponents this week until Duz blew what appeared to be a large amount of white powder Master P later insisted was NOT yay into the eyes of Bret Stillman, enabling Raz to finish him off with a big body bomb.

But the celebration did not end there, with da Boyz procuring some more signatures through less than admirable means while P waved a huge “Petition for Recognition” sign over his head, that is until Ronnie Dod and protégé Aleks Dodstva made their way to the ring for the next bout. Apparently in a sour mood, Dodstva took one look at the sign and tore it up, almost sparking a fight between the Dods and da Boyz! Master P was able to hold his clients back with the promise of Cristal and catastrophe was avoided, at least for this week!

With that nonsense out of the way the next match was able to happen, a bit of a rematch from the week before, with Aleks Dodstva looking to get revenge for having been pinned by PTFW’s Park Young Tae. And revenge he got, hammering around the much smaller Young Tae with ease, prompting corner man Ronnie to steal someone’s sign and write “DODS RULE” on the back of it. But once again poor conditioning played a factor, as Young Tae was able to outlast the pummeling and mount a counter-attack on the now winded Dodstva.

Desperate for a break, Dodstva used up whatever reserves he had to toss Young Tae over the top rope, landing him in a heap at the feet of Ronnie Dod. Aleks then distracted referee Martin Roeg by assaulting him with his thick Russian accent, confusing him to the point that he didn’t even notice the beating Ronnie was giving to Young Tae outside! By the time Roeg administered the twenty count it was too late, the spunky Korean kid now beaten unconscious at the hands of a certified Ron Kwan Do master.

Of course you would think Dodstva would have been pleased to have his arm raised in victory, but he wasn’t, screaming to Ronnie that he was supposed to have rolled Park back in the ring! Ronnie screamed back something about Aleks not being ready yet, honestly it was hard to tell with them yelling over one another, and the entire interchange left them wide open to a sneak attack by a chair-wielding Jimmy Cliff. Kind of late to the party but hey, better late than never, right?

VWA enigma MIRYOKO, the bizarre male model who refuses to wrestle without a face mask and only strikes with an open hand so as not to break a nail, made his second straight WILD Saturday Night appearance next, prancing about in the center of the ring. A ringside MC announced the action, taking time to focus on the centerpiece of MIRYOKO’s outfit: the VWA Six-Man Tag Team Championship. This impromptu fashion show drove the fans nuts and something had to be done if they were going to stick around for the main event.

Answering the call was Kyle Walker, who has had considerable experience against MIRYOKO. He stepped from the back and appeared ready to decry the actions of MIRYOKO until from behind him stepped Juan Leche! Leche grabbed the mic from out of Walker’s hand and patted him on the head, telling him more OVERALL experience was needed to thwart this invader, before dashing to the ring. Kyle stood dumbstruck at what happened and then left for the back, shaking his head in disbelief …

Well it turns out Leche didn’t have what it takes to down MIRYOKO either, despite giving his all in what turned out to be one of the best juniors matches seen in WILD in a long time. Despite losing, Leche showed why he is one of the best in the business, scoring several near falls before ultimately falling to a nasty combination of a reverse throw into a gokuraku gatame, a move MIRYOKO calls the Tight Fit. There was much applause for both men after the match, which MIRYOKO mistakenly believed was all for him, posing while the MC put him over as the next WILD Junior Heavyweight Champ.

Thank god for Juan Leche and his dropckick, particularly the one he planted in the back of MIRYOKO, knocking him over the top rope and sparing the fans what was sure to be many agonizing moments of male modeling. The near debacle post match does raise a pretty interesting question though: who in the hell IS the WILD Junior Heavyweight Champ and how squeamish is he about fighting an androgynous freak?

After Paradigm narrowly averted having his head shaved last week by The Celtic Bruisers, thanks to the interference of the track suit clad Italians - since identified as La Cosa Nostra (Rick Briggs, Ted Zannino and capo Raymond Bianco Jr.) - the bookers of Pro Wrestling WILD had no choice but to try to end this rapidly escalating feud as quickly as possible. Their solution, a lumberjack match pitting Paradigm against Paddy Baker, probably won’t achieve this goal but it sure was entertaining!

What could have been a cluster fuck of epic proportions wound up being one of the best matches seen in the short history of WILD Saturday Night, and a large part of that is due to the outstanding officiating of referee Martin Roeg. Somehow this man, who better resembles a truck driving bowler than a ref, was able to catch several infractions on both sides of the ball, preventing both the Bruisers (Gabriel, Kwok Fu and honorary Bruiser The Masked Grappler, most likely present due to taking offense to Paradigm’s crusade to end all things old) and La Cosa Nostra from interfering. At one point he even dragged Paradigm, recently tossed outside into Baker’s corner, out of the arms of the Grappler and Kwok Fu!

The action in the ring all came down to the strengths of the participants; the athleticism of Paradigm vs. the grit and determination of Baker. In the end, stubborn resolve won out, even though it appeared Paradigm had the match won. After nailing a prone Baker in the back with a frog splash he went for what appeared to be a sickle hold, only to get kicked right in the mouth by Baker, a move that appeared to be more instinct than anything else. Paradigm spat out a mouthful of blood, and a tooth along with it, taking precious seconds to probe his mouth to see which one of his chompers was missing. This gave Baker just enough time to close in, moving much faster than you would expect for a middle-aged alcoholic, surprising Paradigm with the inverted piledriver that won the match.


Paradigm cried foul after the match, saying it should have been stopped due to excessive bleeding, pointing to his bloody maw. He then ordered La Cosa Nostra to advance on the Bruisers, who were by now helping an exhausted Baker to the back, nursing him to health along the way with shots of Bushmills. But advance they did not, instead entering the ring to begin dialogue with Paradigm. With Zannino and Briggs flanking him Capo Bianco Jr. calmly spoke, but his voice was so low he could not be heard! Thankfully a few fans said later that Paradigm’s end of the conversation was audible, shedding some much needed light on the entire interchange. It seems Paradigm profusely apologized for the loss and promised a much bigger gate next week! Oh man, what has this young superstar gotten himself into?

1) Los Diablos Del Satan [El Demonio/ El Hijo del Demonio O/ Super DEVIL Mask] ~17:23 Golpe del Infierno~ The Fabulous Flying Llamas [Bobby Llamas/ Lorenzo Llamas/ Llamas Jr. X]

2) Cynthia San Martino ~9:39 Vader Hammers~ Azumi Oonishi

3) Ken Shields/ Tomohiro Ito O ~29:20 Johnny Spike~ Jimmy Cliff/ Rodrigo Jorge X

4) Da Busch Boyz [Raz Busch O/ Duz Busch] ~20:25 Big Body Bomb~ Bret Stillman X/ Sonny Siguri

5) Aleks Dodstva ~14:04 Count-Out!~ Park Young Tae

6) MIRYOKO ~15:58 Tight Fit~ Juan Leche

7) Paddy Baker ~24:38 Inverted Piledriver~ Paradigm